Bonheur Trompé
by CryOnMyShoulder
Summary: Love they say is never easy, especially in the world we know as ER. Will Luka and Abby be able to survive the many issues tossed their way? Rated R for language, trauma, and chapters involving graphic rape.
1. Default Chapter

*Bonheur Trompé*  
by Kelly  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.  
  
The music in this story is "The One" by Elton John  
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
This story is set mid-to end of Season 8 on ER.  
  
***************************  
  
I saw you dancing out the ocean  
Running fast along the sand  
A spirit born of earth and water  
Fire flying from your hands  
  
In the instant that you love someone  
In the second that the hammer hits  
Reality runs up your spine  
And the pieces finally fit  
  
********************************  
  
The darkness seemed to be getting darker as the rain fell. The rain fell heavily during the early morning hours. The street light across the street from the hotel were shining brightly into their room. The sleeping figure of a man was easily visible in the bed, the comforter wrapped around him, his arm extended, as if it were wrapped around someone else, who was no longer there.  
  
That someone else was sitting by the window, staring at the rain as it fell. She sighed as she stared at the old homeless man who was looking through a trashcan down in the street. His clothes all torn and wet, he seemed desperate for something, even if it were an apple thrown away from the breakfast the day before.  
  
Turning her focus from the window, she looked over to the man fast asleep in the bed. A tear fell from her face as she did. Quickly wiping it away, she held her head in her hands, as a million thoughts rushed through her head.  
  
Suddenly, a sound came from across the room as the man opened his eyes.  
  
"Abby?" he whispered, sitting up. "Abby, what's wrong?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing Luka, go back to sleep." she said, her head still in her hands. Pushing her hair back, she looked up enough to see him.  
  
"Come back to bed." he said, pulling the comforter back. "Come on, we can still get a couple of hours before work."  
  
"No, I'm not tired." she replied, standing up. "Go back to sleep, I'm going to take a shower." she said, heading for the bathroom.   
  
"Abby, are you ok?" he asked, as he watched her wipe another tear from her face. "Why are you crying?"  
  
"I'm not crying. I'm fine. Go back to sleep." she replied, closing the bathroom door behind her, not even looking at him.   
  
Sighing, Luka got out of bed and knocked on the bathroom door. "Abby, let me come in."  
  
"Luka, go away." Abby called through the door as she pulled her shirt off and started the shower. Wiping a few more stray tears, she finished undressing and stepped into the hot shower.   
  
"I can't go away Abby." he called back through the door, as he opened it. Stepping in, he kicked her pajama pants out of the way. "Abby, would you talk to me?"  
  
"Later Luka. I just need time to think right now." Abby replied in the shower.  
  
Unhappily sighing, Luka stepped back and out of the bathroom, returning to the bed where he sat and waited for her to emerge from the bathroom.  
  
******************************************  
  
"Malucci, go grab your patient from exam one!" Dr. Weaver barked later that day, as the overweight patient proceeded to run down the hallway, pushing a wheelchair full of boxes of latex gloves. "Did you call psych yet?!"  
  
"I'm on it chief!" he called, rushing down the hallway. "Hey Abby." he called catching the guy. "Wanna help me with this guy?"   
  
"No, I'm busy." she replied, fumbling with some charts as she walked toward the admit desk. "Haleh, Dave needs some help with his patient in one." Abby said, putting the charts on the counter and heading for the lounge.  
  
Once in the lounge, Abby opened her locker and a note of paper dropped out onto the floor. Leaning over as the lounge door opened and Lydia came in, she picked up the note and opened it.  
  
"Are we out of coffee?" Lydia asked as Abby unfolded the paper.  
  
"I don't know." Abby replied, turning her back so Lydia couldn't see the paper. "Did you check the cabinets?" she asked.   
  
"Yeah, I guess I'll go find the roach coach." Lydia replied. "She you later Abby."  
  
"Bye." Abby replied as the lounge door closed. Looking down at the paper, she read the note.  
  
Abby,  
  
I'm sorry if I did something yesterday to make you mad. I don't know what I did, but I hope you can forgive me. And I'm sorry I pushed you last night, if you didn't want to talk, I understand. But if you do want to talk, you can talk to me. You don't need to keep a secret.  
  
Love, Luka  
  
Abby smiled as she closed the letter. Putting it into her pocket, she walked back over to her locker and fumbled with all the "crap" as she put it, on the shelf. Grabbing her box of cigarettes, she looked at them and tossed them in the trashcan.  
  
"Forget about those." she mumbled to herself, as she grabbed the dollar bill she knew she'd thrown in the locker and slammed the door.  
  
"Mark, where's Luka?" Abby asked; as she passed by admit on her way to the vending machine.  
  
"I think he went outside." Mark replied, erasing his name from the board.  
  
"Thanks." Abby replied, quickly getting a soda from the vending machine and walking outside through the ambulance entrance.  
  
Looking across the ambulance drop off, she saw Luka, sitting on a bench, staring up at the sky.  
  
"Luka?" she called to him, as she made her way across the blacktop. "Luka, what are you doing?"  
  
Shaking his head, he looked at Abby and made room for her next to him. "Abby, oh, I was just thinking."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Just.. stuff. You feeling better?"  
  
"Yeah, listen Luka, I'm sorry about last night." Abby apologized.  
  
"It's ok." Luka replied, looking at her. "You don't have to apologize."  
  
"No, I do. Luka, I shouldn't have acted like that."   
  
"It's ok, really." Luka replied, a grin appearing on his face. "I'm just glad you feel better."  
  
Abby smiled and closed her eyes. "Yeah, about that." she started. "I need to talk to you."  
  
"What?" Luka asked, looking clueless.   
  
"I don't know how I should say this," she said, sighing. "I thought we were careful.."  
  
"Abby, what is it?" he asked, sounding almost worried. "Are you sick or something?"  
  
"No, Luka.. I'm late."  
  
"Late for what?" he replied, obviously not getting what Abby was telling him.  
  
She just stared at him for a moment, "Late." she repeated.  
  
"Late.." he repeated, and then it clicked. "Oh, late."   
  
"Yeah." Abby said.  
  
He just sat there for a minute, in shock. "Abby... have you taken a test?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, I was going to have someone draw my blood, but then they'd want to know why and I don't need anyone to know about this."  
  
"Oh." he replied, still watching her, now watching her every move. "I'm off in a few minutes. Do you want me to go pick one up at a store?" he asked.  
  
"You don't have to." Abby responded. "Listen, I know neither of us were expecting something like this, and I don't know what you're thinking, but if you don't want to be with me now, I'll understand."   
  
"What?" he replied, clearly hurt. "Abby, I care about you.. I love you. This won't change that." he said, taking her hand.   
  
She finally looked up at him. "I just thought with your other kids.."  
  
"I miss them. And I miss my wife. But I have to move on with my life Abby. I have moved on. I love you now, and if there is a baby, I will love the baby too." he said, making her look at him.  
  
"I love you too," she whispered. From her memory, this was the first time either had said they loved the other.  
  
"So, do you want me to buy the test? I could go on my way home," he told her.  
  
"No, I'll go get one." Abby replied. "You ok?"   
  
"I'm fine. You look like you could use a nap though." Luka joked, a small smile forming on his face.  
  
"Yeah, well.. I still have 3 hours before my shift ends." she explained, standing up.  
  
"We'll be ok Abby." Luka assured her, giving her a kiss. "I'll see you back at my place ok?"  
  
"Yeah, later." she mumbled, still worried about the whole thing.  
  
****************************************************   
  
Later that day as the sun was setting; Abby clocked out and left for the pharmacy that was around the corner from the hospital. She took her time while walking the short distance, thinking about what she and Luka were possibly facing.  
  
She had worked up in OB for over 8 years. With working up there, you had to love babies, you were delivering them everyday. And Abby did love them, but the thought of having her own had never even crossed her mind.  
  
Who would she have had one with, Richard? She'd rather of nailed her head to a board than have had a child with that bastard. And now that she was with Luka, they had never discussed anything like this. Sure, they were serious about each other, but the most they had ever discussed was possibly buying an apartment and living together, but that was the furthest they had ever gotten.  
  
Stepping into the drug store, she wandered over to the isle where "feminine products" were listed. Staring at the shelves there must have been 12 different tests.  
  
"Why do they need so damn many?" she mumbled, "The blood test would have been easier."  
  
After reading the back of the boxes on four different tests, Abby finally chose one and made her way up the cashier to pay for it.  
  
"Oh you're having a baby!" an elderly woman in front of Abby on line squealed, spotting the test in Abby's hands.  
  
"Well, I don't know yet." Abby replied politely.   
  
"I'll bet it's positive, you have that look," the woman continued, placing her items on the counter. "I should know dear, I have 9 children."   
  
Abby smiled at the woman, "Well, I guess I'll find out soon."  
  
"Congratulations." the woman said, as she turned to leave.  
  
"Yeah, thanks." Abby said, placing the test on the counter and pulling a bill out of her purse to pay for it.  
  
**************************************  
  
And all I ever needed was the one  
Like freedom fields where wild horses run  
When stars collide like you and I  
No shadows block the sun  
You're all I've ever needed  
Baby you're the one  
  
****************************************  
  
Abby arrived back at Luka's hotel about 45 minutes later. Unlocking the door, she immediately dropped her purse inside the door, and tossed the bag from the pharmacy on the bed.  
  
"Luka?" she called, closing the door behind her and locking it. "Luka, are you here?"  
  
"Abby, hold on." he called from the bathroom, the door wide open. "I'm just fixing something..."  
  
Within two minutes, he was out, a wrench in his hands. He wiped his wet hands on his pants and smiled at her.  
  
"There was a leak," he explained, putting the wrench back in the toolbox sitting on the dresser. "I borrowed that from maintenance."  
  
"Oh." was all Abby replied. Her stomach was turning in knots, it felt like her abdomen was going to burst open. "Did you fix it?"   
  
"Yes, the valve was just loose." he said, closing the box. "Umm.. did you get the test?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, I stopped on my way here." she said.   
  
"Good. Are you going to take it tonight?" he asked. "Or wait until morning?"  
  
"Tonight, I don't think we should wait until morning." Abby explained.  
  
"Ok." Luka whispered. "Do, do you want me to get you anything?" he asked, himself now getting nervous.  
  
"No, just wait out here ok?" she whispered herself. "I don't want to wait alone."  
  
"Where would I go?" Luka joked, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
Grabbing the bag from the pharmacy, Abby threw the bag away and gripped the box. "I'll be out in a minute."  
  
"Ok, I'll be here." Luka said, sitting on the bed.   
  
Closing the door behind her, Abby opened the pregnancy test and read the instructions on the back of the box. Holding the stick, she took a deep breath.  
  
"This is the shittiest contraption I've ever seen." she mumbled under her breath. Reading the box, it said it would take 3 minutes. Finishing the test, she set it on the counter next to the sink and opened the bathroom door.  
  
"You finished?" Luka asked anxiously.   
  
"It takes 3 minutes." Abby replied, taking a seat next to him. As she did, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.   
  
"Are you scared?" he asked, as she rested her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Yes, aren't you?" she replied, gripping his hand.   
  
"Yes." He whispered back. "But I'm going to be here for you no matter what ok?" he asked, sounding firm.  
  
"Thank you Luka." She replied, leaning up and kissing him on the cheek. "Do.. do you want a baby right now?" she asked.   
  
"I never thought about it really." He confessed, his hand resting on her knee. "I know that I want another child, possibly 2 or 3 more. And I know I want them with you." He said, turning to her. "And if we have one right now, then I would love it just as much as I would if we had one in two years."  
  
"Do you mean that?" Abby asked, placing her hand on his.  
  
"No, I'm lying." He replied, that small grin creeping along his face. "Of course I mean it."  
  
She smiled, the mood in the room lightened a little.   
  
"Abby, it's been three minutes." Luka said, looking at the clock that was hung on the wall above the TV cabinet.   
  
"Oh god." She whispered, the knot in his stomach getting tighter.  
  
"Do you want me to go look?" Luka asked, watching as the color was slowly draining from her face.  
  
"Come with me." Abby whispered, heading for the bathroom. With Luka in tow, she opened the bathroom door and walked to the counter. Peering at the test, she let out a small sigh, and put her hand to her forehead.  
  
"Abby?" he questioned, standing in the doorway.   
  
"It's… negative." she replied, her voice wavering. He had expected her to be happy about this, but instead, tears began running slowly down her cheeks.  
  
"It'll be ok." He whispered, walking over and wrapping her in a hug.   
  
"I'm sorry." She apologized quietly. "I didn't think I wanted a baby yet, but thinking about it, it made me wonder what it would be like Luka. What it would be like to have your baby, and I wanted it. I wanted it to be positive," she sobbed, burying her face in Luka's shirt.  
  
"Abby, it's ok. We could start trying, if you want a baby. We could have one." He said, trying to comfort her, as she pulled her head back to look at his face, he wiped the tears that were drying on her face. His shirt was now soaked, but it didn't matter. "Come here." He said, leading her back outside to the main part of his hotel room where he sat her on the bed.  
  
Heading for his closet, he pulled something off the top shelf and slipped it in his pocket and she sat, her head still buried in her hands.  
  
"Abby." He called, as she lifted her head. "I wasn't sure when I was going to do this, but I want to do it now ok?" he asked.   
  
"Do what?" she whispered, curiosity in her eyes as she wiped them again with a tissue.  
  
"I love you Abby, and I love spending time with you. I love waking up with you in the morning, and going to sleep with you at night. I love our friendship, and I love everything you do. How you smile, how you laugh, and how you cry. And now that we know we want a child, I need to ask you….. Abby, will you be my wife?" Luka said, as Abby stared at him, her face even whiter than it had been 5 minutes earlier. Pulling the ring from his pocket, she gasped.  
  
"Luka…" she whispered, squeezing the tissue in her hand. "Yes."  
  
"You will?" he replied, smiling and laughing.   
  
Nodding, she stood up as he put the ring on her finger and pulled her close as he kissed her. "Thank you Abby…. For making me happy again."  
  
"I love you."  
  
**************************  
  
For each man in his time is Cain  
Until he walks along the beach  
And sees his future in the water  
A long lost heart within his reach  
  
  
  
3/9/01   



	2. Bonheur Trompé- Part 2

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 2*  
by Kelly  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.  
  
The music in this story is "All My Life" by K-Ci & Jo Jo  
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
Writer's Note: This story is set *about* 3 months after part 1. I had wanted to make it longer, but me being the idiot I am, calculated wrong. lol :) So it's set late June. Also, Abby & Luka have bought a house, which you'll read, but I didn't want to bore you all with *house hunting* so I skipped that whole part.   
  
*********************************************************************  
  
I will never find another lover  
Sweeter than you, sweeter than you  
And I will never find another lover  
More precious than you,  
More precious than you.  
*********************************************  
  
What are we all doing here? Why were *we* chosen to be here. To be together? Why, when I was born in Croatia, and she born in Minnesota? How did we both end up in Illinois, in the same city of Chicago? How did we end up working in the same hospital, in the same department? And how, did I manage to fall so in love with her, and she so in love with me?  
  
As Luka sat and pondered why all of this had happened, he realized he didn't care why. But it had happened, and all he cared about was the fact that he was more in love with her than he ever could have imagined, and knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.  
  
"Dr. Kovac?" Lily called into the lounge, pulling him from his thoughts.  
  
"Huh?" he said, blinking his eyes to look at her. As they came into focus, he saw her standing in the doorway, her arms full of charts.  
  
"You told me to get you at 5:30, it's 5:35." She replied, stepping back to allow the door to close.  
  
"Oh yes, thank you Lily." He said, getting up from the chair he was sitting in and going out to admit where he signed off on his last few charts. As he did so, he turned his head to look at the clock; it was now 5:45. "Goodnight Kerry." He called, as he gathered his things to leave. "I'll see you on Tuesday."  
  
"Have a good time." Kerry called back, her back to him as she entered information into the computer.  
  
Pushing through the ambulance entrance doors, the warm June air hit Luka as he walked across the pavement and up to the EL platform, where he took his seat on the train. As the train began to move, he watched all of the buildings and people go by, all doing their own things. Children outside playing, celebrating that summer vacation was only days away. Adults, returning home from a hard days work.  
  
As the train pulled to a stop, Luka stepped off, and began to walk the short distance to their new house. *Their house*. It wasn't huge, but it was big enough. There were three bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen, living room, and a small den and dinging room. She had worried about the money, but he had insisted that they could afford it. He had been living on a boat and in a hotel for two years. It hadn't exactly been expensive. Plus, he wanted the extra room, the extra bedrooms, for later. He wanted to fill them with children, *their children*. He wanted to hear them run to each other's rooms during the night to tell secrets, play games. The house was in a safe neighborhood. That was his number one priority when they had been looking for a house. He wanted to allow their children to play outdoors safely. Something he could never allow Marko nor Jasna to do. He wanted to watch them run and hear them laugh as they had fun. He wanted himself and Abby to play with them. Teach them how to play basketball, build forts, make snowmen, and take them to the playground. He wanted the chance to do it again, to be a father. He wanted Abby to be a mother; he knew what a great one she would be.  
  
Opening the front door and dropping his belongings on the floor, he walked up the flight of stairs toward their bedroom where he could hear noise.  
  
"Abby?" he called, seeing an open suitcase on the bed, with about 20 articles of clothing all over the bed and floor.  
  
"Hold on." She called from the bathroom, as she appeared, holding a toiletries bag with their toothbrushes, toothpaste, and anything else they may have needed.  
  
"How much are you bringing?" he laughed, as he picked a white blouse up off the floor and placed it on the bed.  
  
"I'm not bringing it all." she replied, dropping the toiletries bad into the suitcase. "But I don't know what to bring." she said, as she looked through a pile of clothes.  
  
"You could bring this." he joked, holding up a hot pink mini skirt against his waist. "When did you get this?"  
  
Making a face as she looked at it, she grabbed it from him and laughed. Rolling it into a ball, she threw it up against the wall.  
  
"I didn't even know I did still have it," she mumbled, as she finally decided on the clothing to bring.  
  
"So it is yours?" he asked, as he tried to picture her wearing it.  
  
"It was mine." she replied, emphasizing the word was. "I wore it back in college."  
  
"Oh." was all he said. "You packed your dress right?"   
  
"Yes, I packed the dress." she replied, zipping the suitcase closed. "But where are we going that I'll need a dress?"  
  
"It's a surprise." Luka replied, "I can't tell you."   
  
"I hate surprises." Abby replied, lifting the suitcase. "Come on, help me with this would you?"  
  
"You will like this one. I promise." He swore as he took the suitcase from her. "You packed my clothes right?"  
  
"Everything is in there." she assured him. "When do you want to leave?"  
  
"Just let me change and we can go." Luka replied, as he flopped down onto the bed. "Maybe sleep for awhile."  
  
"Yeah, can I go to sleep with you?" Abby asked, as she flopped down next to Luka and he wrapped his arms around her.  
  
"We could always forget the trip and stay here all weekend." He said, as he kissed her.  
  
"Yeah, but then Dr. Weaver would call, looking for us to come in." Abby whispered, as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Go get changed fast, so we can leave."  
  
*********************  
  
And all my life I've prayed for someone like you  
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you  
All my life I've prayed for someone like you  
And I hope that you feel the same way too  
Yes, I pray that you do love me too  
  
**********************  
  
It's funny how life works out. One minute you can be a miserable pain in the ass, and the next, so happy and in love that people think you're a different person. That seems how my life has been forever. All of my childhood I had been quiet. Before my dad left, I thought life had been bad. Him and my mother would fight endlessly; he would drink, get drunk and pass out. Maybe that's where I picked up the habit. This went on until he finally left one day. I don't know where he went, and I don't care either. He slipped out one day when Eric and I were at school, and we never heard from him again, though I lied and said he'd call every so often and talk to me when no one else was home. What a shit load of good that did for mom. She decided she'd be a better mother if she went off her medication. That was a load of fun. A manic mother who ran through our neighborhood naked, and chased me with a knife when I lied and said I'd gone to visit dad.  
  
School wasn't any better. Most kids knew what my home life was like, they knew I was pretty poor. They knew my mom was crazy, so they thought I was crazy. They looked at me like I had antenna's growing from my head or something. Nobody wanted to sit near me at lunch, or sit next to me in class. If I were at my locker, kids would run past and slam the door shut. One time they shut it with my fingers still in it. I ended up having to go to the hospital for stitches and a splint. Did anyone ever say they were sorry? No. But I didn't expect them to either.  
  
Then one day during sixth grade, a new girl suddenly appeared in school. She too like me, was quiet and from the start it seemed nobody would accept her. That first day, she took the seat in the back of the classroom next to me. I could remember greeting her with a small smile, and before long a friendship had grown. The girl who's name was Hannah, seemed just like me. Soon we became inseparable. We fought the bullies together, and for me, it felt great to have someone to talk to and play with. But then one day Hannah didn't show up for school, and she was absent the next day, and the next. Finally, after a week, during class, our teacher had gotten hold of everyone's attention and told everyone that Hannah wouldn't be coming back. But I later found out why. Hannah's father was a drunk, like my own father. But he had hit Hannah as well as her mother, and he hit her too hard that last time, and Hannah had died. I felt like my whole world was crashing in around me again. I could remember sitting in class and crying, while everyone around me daunted me, and pulled my hair.  
  
The drinking and smoking began in 11th grade. My mom had become worse, going to bed for weeks at a time, leaving me to care for Eric. I would go to school in the morning, come home, make sure there was something to eat, and then I'd wander off. Most of the time, to an empty parking lot near our apartment where I would drink and smoke, alone.  
  
This continued all through college, and I met Richard. When he first came along, he was a great guy. He took me to nice places, bought me nice things, treated me like he cared. We got married and within months things got ugly. I started drinking again when he'd get angry. He'd get mad, smack me around for a few minutes, and he'd leave. Alone, like I'd always been. Finally, I filed for divorce after I found him in bed with another woman. By that time, I'd been in AA for 5 years. I'd been married for 7.  
  
But that night, as she drove along, she peered over at Luka, who was fast asleep in the passenger seat, and she smiled. For one time in her life, she was happy. She didn't feel alone, she wasn't mad, and she didn't have an urge to drink. He made her feel complete, like she was worth something.  
  
It was nearly 10 pm as she pulled off the exit they wanted and began down the winding roads needed to arrive at their destination. As she stopped at a red light, Luka began to mumble as he opened his eyes and stared up at her.  
  
"Where are we?" he asked, stretching his neck out. "Do you want me to drive?"  
  
"No, we'll be there in a little while." Abby replied, turning the car onto another road, following the street signs to the bed & breakfast they were heading for. As she drove along, Luka began fiddling with the radio, finally settling on a station playing some sort of techno music. "How can you listen to that?" Abby asked, as they passed a sign, which read there was only one mile left.  
  
"What's wrong with it?" Luka asked, turning the dial. "I'll change it."  
  
"No, leave it. It's just… loud." she replied.  
  
Turning the radio off, Luka leaned over and pulled his shoes back on. He had taken them off about 20 minutes into the ride. As he tied them, Abby turned the car into the small parking lot at the bed and breakfast and parked.  
  
After grabbing their suitcase, Luka grabbed Abby's hand with his free hand and they walked up the short path to the entrance. Opening the door, the smell of fresh flowers and hot coffee overwhelmed them. Looking around, Abby looked through the doorways into the living room area where a huge fireplace made of rock was, a fire lit inside.  
  
"Well hello you two." An elderly woman called from behind a small desk that stood about 15 feet from the door. "Welcome to 'The Harpole's Heartland Lodge'. How can I help you?"  
  
"Hello, we have a reservation." Luka said, as he and Abby moved toward the desk. "Under Kovac."  
  
"Oh yes." The woman mumbled, looking through a book that sat on the counter. "Here we go." She bent down to fumble under the desk for a moment before standing back up with a key in her hand. "Here you two go. It's the second room on the right, right up the stairs. The Whitetail Room." she said sweetly.  
  
"Thank you." Abby replied, as she continued to gaze at the surroundings. It was like the home she'd always wanted when she was younger. It smelled of food being cooked, flowers set out on tables, and it was warm.  
  
"You ready?" Luka asked, as he took the room key into his hand and thanked the elderly woman again.  
  
"Yup." Abby replied, as they walked up the short flight of stairs. Reaching the second floor, they found the door said to be their room and unlocked it. Stepping in, they found a huge king sized canopy bed. The room smelled of cinnamon, and in the corner, sat another small fireplace. "Luka, it's beautiful." Abby managed to say, as he walked over toward the bed.  
  
"There's a Jacuzzi." Luka told her, as he walked toward the window. He looked out to the small porch that overlooked the countryside.  
  
"Where did you find this place?" Abby asked incredulously.   
  
"From a patient." Luka lied, with a grin. He stuck his hand in his pocket, and fiddled with its contents, as his heart began to beat fast. Less than 24 hours left… and they would be Mr. And Mrs. Luka Kovac. He almost let the secret slip then, but saved himself. Little did Abby know what was happening.  
  
**********************  
  
Said, I promise to never fall in love with a stranger,  
You're all I'm thinking of, I praise the Lord above,  
For sending me your love, I cherish every hug,  
I really love you  
  
**********************  
  
Very early that next morning as Abby slept, Luka stared at her, and watched as her chest moved up and down ever so slightly as she breathed. He smiled as he thought to himself everything he had planned for the next day. Carefully, being sure not to wake Abby, he climbed out of bed and grabbed his robe. As he pulled it on, he tip toed to the door and made his way downstairs, to where the owners of the bed and breakfast were busy getting ready for breakfast.  
  
"Hello." Luka said, catching their attention. He had forgotten their names, and felt to embarrassed to ask again.  
  
"Dr. Kovac, hello." The older man greeted him as he set out plates on a table. "What are you doing up so early?"  
  
Luka nodded and smiled. "I was actually wondering, about what I discussed with you on the telephone the other night."  
  
"Oh yes! I spoke with Father Costa yesterday. We discussed it and he said it would be no problem for tonight. You had mentioned about 4;30 right?"  
  
Luka again nodded and sighed a sigh of relief. "Yes, 4;30 was great."  
  
"You're a lucky man. You've got a wonderful girl there." The man again said, as his wife wandered into the kitchen. "I'm guessing she doesn't know what you're planning?"  
  
"No, it's a surprise." Luka replied, as he walked closer to the table. "Would you like some help?"  
  
"Nonsense, this is your special day. I can handle this."  
  
Luka smiled. "I don't mind."  
  
"No, you don't do it. Now, where did you want to hold this ceremony? We could hold it outdoors in the front yard, over by that large tree and all the flower bushes. Or we could have it in the living room area. My wife, Karen has already taken care of the food and cake. And the decorations will be easy. She enjoys doing that sort of stuff."  
  
"Outdoors sounds good. I think she would enjoy that, surrounded by the flowers and trees." Luka replied, as he ran his hand through his hair. "I can't believe I'm doing this."  
  
"Don't worry!" the man assured him. "She's a great girl, I can tell. She reminds me of Karen. Sweet and stubborn. She's stubborn isn't she?"  
  
Luka laughed at the last part. "Yes, but in a good way."  
  
The man laughed with him as he finished setting the table. "Then it's set. 4:30 in the front yard."  
  
"Yes….. 4:30."  
  
**********************  
  
And all my life, baby, baby, I've prayed for someone like you,  
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you, baby  
All my life I've prayed for someone like you  
And I hope that you feel the same way too  
Yes, I pray that you do, love me  
  
**********************  
  
Later that afternoon, Luka's stomach was flopping as they drove back to the bed and breakfast. They had just spent the whole day shopping in town at small shops, and walking around, enjoying each other's company.  
  
"That was fun." Abby said to him, as he drove along the long road near the bed and breakfast.  
  
"Yeah, I had fun too." Luka replied, smiling at her. His eyes fixed on the road, he was thinking about everything he had written the night before when Abby was asleep.  
  
"I still don't understand why I had to get dressed up for it though." She said.  
  
"You never dress up. I thought you might enjoy doing it." he replied.  
  
Abby smiled and nodded. "Do you want to go out later tonight, or stay in?" Abby asked, as she looked through a bag or odds and ends she had purchased at one of the shops.  
  
Luka swallowed the lump in his throat and he saw the lodge in the distance, suddenly becoming very aware of what he was about to do. "Umm.. I was thinking we could stay in, you know, spend some time together."  
  
Abby nodded as she watched him. "Luka, are you ok? You're sweating."  
  
"What? Oh, yes. I'm ok. It's just hot." He lied, as he pulled into the parking lot of the lodge. "You ready?"  
  
Unbuckling her seatbelt, Abby grabbed the bags and attempted to leave the car.  
  
"Leave those here for now, we can get them later." Luka instructed her, and he slammed his door and walked around to her side of the car. She looked at him oddly but did as he instructed. Taking his hand, he shut her door and began walking up the path with him. He looked down at his watch as they walked and took a deep breath.  
  
"Are you sure you're ok?" Abby asked, as they walked up the path. As they turned the corner, the front lawn of the lodge came into view. And by the large tree and flower bushes, dozens of white balloons were tied down, and a small group of people stood near them.  
  
"I'm ok." He again assured her as he looked across the grass.  
  
"Someone's getting married." Abby commented, as they came closer to the lawn. "They sure did choose a nice day."  
  
As she said that, Luka turned to her and took her hand in his. As he did, she watched him carefully, as he again swallowed and took another deep breath. He seemed to be shaking as he did, and was sweating more than before.  
  
"Abby." He began, looking right into her eyes. Those dark brown eyes, they put him in a trance every time he looked at them. "I love you more than life itself." He began, as he quickly glanced over to the small crowd of people, who were now watching him. "And I don't want to spend another day knowing we aren't married. I want you to be Mrs. Kovac, I want you to be my wife."  
  
"Luka." Abby whispered, as she began to realize what was happening.  
  
"And I want that to happen today." He managed to get out. "I want to know we'll be together forever, from today on. Please Abby, will you marry me… today?"  
  
"Oh my god." She managed to whisper as he guided her over to the small area decorated. "Luka, I…"  
  
"Will you marry me today?"  
  
Abby looked up at him and took a deep breath. Nodding, she leaned up to kiss him and wrapped her arms around him. "Yes." She whispered, as she clung to him tight.  
  
He held her in his arms for a moment before he set her down. "Thank you." He whispered to her. Gripping her hand, they walked the few short feet left before they reached the owners of the lodge, Father Costa, and two witnesses Luka had asked.  
  
"Carter.. how did you know?" Abby cried, as she hugged him.  
  
"Congratulations." He whispered to her and he hugged her. "Luka asked me to come."  
  
"Hey Luka." The other witness greeted him as he shook his hand. "Congratulations man."  
  
"Mike, you made it!" Luka replied. "Thanks."  
  
As Abby turned, she looked at the man Luka seemed to know so well.  
  
"Abby, this is Mike. He works at the hotel." He said, as Mike shook Abby's hand.  
  
"Nice to meet you." Abby said, as she let go and took grip of Luka's hand again.  
  
"Is everyone ready?" Father Costa asked, and Luka and Abby took their places in front of him.  
  
Both Abby and Luka nodded; as Abby squeezed Luka's hand again as her stomach tied itself in knots.  
  
"Then let us begin."  
  
**********************  
  
You're all that I ever known, when you smile, on my face, all I see is a glow.  
You turned my life around, you picked me up when I was down,  
Yes I pray that you do love me too  
  
**********************  
  
"And now for the vows." Father Costa said, toward the middle of the ceremony. "Luka."  
  
Taking a deep breath, Luka looked straight at Abby, and could see the tears welding in her eyes. Smiling at her, he began.  
  
"Abby, from the day I saw you… I thought that you were beautiful. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You have made me happier than I ever thought that I could be. And that day back in October when you kissed me, I knew you were going to be the one. You were there for me when I needed you, and I want to be there for you whenever you need me. I want to go to sleep with you every night, and wake up with me every morning. I want to come home to see you everyday, and see you smile. I want you to have my babies, and I want to know I always have someone to talk to. You're my best friend, and I know I can always go to you. I know the beginning of our relationship was tough, but we made it. And I know I want to be with you until the day I die."  
  
As Luka spoke all the words he was saying, the tears that had begun to weld in Abby's eyes were now falling. She smiled at his as he spoke, and it hit her harder than it ever had how much she loved this man.  
  
"And now, Abby. Obviously you had nothing prepared, so you can use the standard vows, or if you know what you would like to say, go ahead." The priest instructed her.  
  
Sniffling, she took a deep breath and wiped her tears away. Looking up at Luka, she knew exactly what she wanted to say.  
  
"Luka, I remember my first day being assigned in the ER, how I asked if you were single, and commented on how cute you were. But never did I think I would be standing here, marrying you. I was so unhappy for so long, I never thought I would meet a guy like you. I had given up hope of their even being a man like you. But I found you, and I thank god everyday that I did. I look forward to every moment I see you, seeing you smile. Your dimples like a 5 year olds. I love listening to you tell your stories, and watching you fool around with the kids in our neighborhood. I just hope one day you'll be a father, and that we'll have children of our own. I love waking up in the middle of the night, and feeling you next to me, knowing that I'm not alone. I love everything about you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life."  
  
Carter smiled back at both of them as Abby finished. She hadn't taken her eyes off of Luka since the ceremony began. As she finished, Luka lifted his hand and wiped her eyes for her as she continued to cry.  
  
"And now the rings." The priest said, signaling Carter who reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box, which held two rings. Handing them to the priest, he handed a ring to Luka, who took it into his hands and one to Abby.  
  
"Do you Luka, take Abigail, to be your lawful wedded wife. To love and to cherish, through sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"  
  
"I do." Luka whispered, as Abby slipped the ring onto his finger.  
  
"Do you Abigail, take Luka, to be your lawful wedded husband. To love and to cherish, through sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"  
  
Abby nodded and smiled. "I do."  
  
As he slipped the ring onto Abby's delicate fingers, the priest announced. "I know pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss your bride."  
  
And with those few words, Luka wrapped his arms around Abby and kissed her. He kissed her for what seemed like an eternity to those watching. As he did, the very small crowd clapped and cheered.  
  
"I love you." Luka whispered, as he finally let go and looked at her.  
  
"I love you too," she whispered back as she continued to cry. He had just made her the happiest woman on Earth.  
  
**********************  
  
All my life, I've prayed for someone like you,  
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you  
All my life I've prayed for someone like you  
Yes, I pray that you do love me too  
  
**********************  
  
Later that night, after a big celebration dinner in the dining area, Luka and Abby snuck up to their room, and closed the door. As soon as they did, Luka had his arms wrapped around her and began to unzip the back of her dress. He did so slowly, as he kissed her, wanting to taste every square inch of her.  
  
As he slowly slid her dress off, she began to pull his shirt out of his pants and over his head. As she got it off, she began to work her way down his chest, kissing him everywhere as she made her way down. She felt her dress fall to the floor and quickly kicked it out of the way, as she fell back onto the bed, Luka under her. She ran her hands through his hair, as he went ahead and unclipped her bra, and proceeded to remove it. As he did, she moved back to his mouth, where she kissed him. Coming up for just a second, he looked her straight in the eye.  
  
"I love you, Mrs. Kovac."  
  
Smiling, realizing what he had just said, she leaned down to kiss him again. "I love you too Luka."  
  
And with that, they continued to make love, on their first night as husband and wife.  
  
**********************  
  
All my life I've prayed for someone like you  
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you  
All my life I've prayed for someone like you  
Yes, I pray that you do love me too  
  
**********************  
  
  
3/20/01   



	3. Bonheur Trompé- Part 3

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 3*  
by Kelly  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.  
  
The music in this story is "When She Loved Me" by Sarah Mclachlan  
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
Writer's Notes: This story is set about 2 months after the last one, it's mid- August. And a warning, these first few fics have been all sweet, but all hell will break out in part 4 :) Just to keep you all entertained.  
  
***************************  
  
When somebody loved me  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour spent together  
Lives winthin my heart   
  
************************  
  
"Abby, maybe you should come to the hospital, you don't look very well." Luka said, early that morning, as he got dressed for work. He pulled his shirt over his head as Abby sat on the side of the tub, waiting for the next wave of nausea to wash over.  
  
"I'm fine. It's just the stomach flu. Everyone has it." She mumbled miserably, as the sound of gagging again came from the bathroom.   
  
"I'm going to stay home with you." Luka said, as he himself walked into the bathroom, and pulled Abby's hair out of her face and held it until she had finished.  
  
"No, go to work. I'm ok." she replied, wiping her face and going to the sink to wash her mouth out. "Kerry will throw a fit if neither of us go in, she'll think we went off somewhere or something." she explained, sitting back down on the edge of the tub.  
  
"Fine." he sighed, grabbing her a fresh face towel and helping her over to the bed. "But I'm going to call you later ok?"  
  
"Yeah." she managed to mumbled, ready to fall asleep. "If I don't pick up leave a message," she mumbled.  
  
"I will." he replied, kissing her forehead. "You don't have a fever."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Do you want me to pick you up anything on my way home later?" he asked, grabbing his coat. "Some soup, or juice?" Looking over at her, he smiled as he watched her. Her head was buried in his pillow and she was on top of the comforter, already sound asleep.  
  
Walking over to her, he kissed her lightly and grabbed an extra blanket from the chair near the bed and covered her with it. Making sure she was covered, he pulled his coat on a left.  
  
*********************************  
  
Walking out of trauma two later that day, Luka threw his gloves on the floor and sighed. They had just lost another child, an 11-year-old girl, to gang violence. As Dave pranced away, looking for a new patient to poke and joke with, Luka walked down the hallway to admit and signed off on the dead girl's chart. Placing it into the rack, he looked up at the clock and saw it was already 3 o'clock.   
  
"If anyone needs me, tell them I'm in the lounge." Luka told Randi, as he walked over toward the entrance to the lounge.  
  
"Hi Kerry." he greeted Dr. Weaver who was hanging her coat up in her locker.  
  
"Hi Luka." she replied, grabbing her lab coat. "Abby called in sick today?" she mentioned, hanging her stethoscope around her neck.  
  
"Yes, she wasn't feeling well this morning." he explained, plopping onto the couch. "I think she has that stomach flu everyone has."  
  
Kerry nodded as she adjusted her lab coat and opened the door to exit. "Ok, tell her I hope she's feeling better soon." she replied, exiting the lounge and walking down the hall.  
  
Sighing, Luka leaned back and looked over to the phone sitting on the table. Extending his arm to grab it, he pressed 9 and dialed their phone number. Settling back, he closed his eyes and waited for Abby to pick up.   
  
"Hello?" a voice picked up on the other end. "Who's calling?"  
  
"Abby, it's me." Luka replied, staring at his shoe as he pushed it around on the floor.  
  
"Oh, hi." she replied, sounding as if she was dead tired.  
  
"How are you feeling?" he asked Abby, wishing he were at home to care for her instead of the hospital, caring for sick people he didn't know.  
  
"A little better, just tired and woozy," she responded, flipping through the TV channels, settling on an episode of 'The Jerry Springer Show'.  
  
"Woozy?" Luka repeated, sounding clueless.  
  
"Dizzy." Abby corrected herself.  
  
"Dr. Kovac, we've got a multiple MVA coming in, ETA 2 minutes." Chuny called, poking her head into the lounge.  
  
"Do you have to go?" Abby asked, her head pounding.   
  
"Yes, there is a trauma coming in." Luka told her. "A car accident."  
  
"Oh, ok."  
  
"I'm going to see if I can get someone to cover for me. Maybe I can come home early."  
  
"No, you don't have to. I'll be ok." Abby protested. "I'm feeling better." she lied.  
  
"Are you sure?" Luka asked, not believing a word coming out of her mouth.  
  
"Yes, now go Luka."  
  
"Ok, I'll see you when I get home."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"I love you Abby."  
  
"I love you too"  
  
*********************************  
  
And when she was sad  
I was there to dry her tears  
And when was happy  
So was I  
When she loved me   
  
*********************************  
  
"Randi!" Dr. Weaver barked early that afternoon as the paramedics who had just rolled up began going through everything that was wrong with the elderly man strapped to the gurney. "I thought I told you to close us to trauma!"  
  
"Yeah, you did." she replied, flipping the page in her latest issue VOGUE magazine. "But Dr. Romano told me we have to stay open. He said something about we closed to many times this month or something."  
  
"Find him and tell him I need to talk to him!" Kerry yelled, following the paramedics down to trauma 2.  
  
"On my count, 1.. 2.. 3." She said, as they lifted the patient to the trauma table.   
  
"Have fun!" Doris called, as she and her partner wheeled the gurney out and left.   
  
"Somebody find Carter and tell him to get in here!" Kerry called, as Abby began checking the man's vitals.   
  
"BP's 140/90, his pulse is thready." Abby reported, beginning a second IV in the man's arm.   
  
What'do we got?" Carter called, as the trauma room doors swung open and a nurse helped him into a yellow trauma gown.  
  
"68 year old man, possible MI, BP's 140 over 90, pulse is thready." Abby called, as she grabbed the tray of instruments Dr. Weaver needed.   
  
"Carter, go next door and help Dr. Malucci." Dr. Weaver instructed him. "Abby can go with you. Chuny, you and Malik stay with me. He's got a 5 year old boy, found his dad's back pain medicine and thought they were candy."  
  
Pushing through the doors to trauma 1, Carter pushed his way past the nurses to the patient, whom Dr. Malucci was giving charcoal to.   
  
"How's he doing?" Carter asked, as Abby helped keep the little boy still.  
  
"Vitals are stable. I just started the charcoal. He swallowed the whole bottle of pills." Dave pointed to the counter where the empty bottle sat.  
  
"Why do you need my help then?" Carter asked.  
  
"I don't know, I thought he was my patient."  
  
"Hey, his parents are here." Abby called as a frantic man and woman appeared outside the trauma room doors.   
  
"Abby, go talk to them." Carter told her, "Tell him he'll be fine, but we're going to keep him overnight for observation."  
  
Pulling her yellow gown off and throwing it to the floor with her gloves, Abby pushed passed the remaining nurses in the room and made it to the hallway.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs.."  
  
"Gould." The man said frantically. "How is Michael, is he going to be ok?"  
  
"Michael is going to be fine. Dr. Malucci pumped the pills from his stomach and gave him charcoal to absorb the remains of what was left. We're going to need to keep him overnight for observation, but he'll be ok." Abby assured them.  
  
"Thank god." Mrs. Gould let out, as she let the grip ease on her husband's hand. "Can we go see him?"   
  
"In a few minutes. The doctors have to….whoa," Abby said, as she grabbed the nearby counter for stability. "I'm sorry… I." She managed to let out before she fell to the floor.  
  
"Abby!?" Dr. Chen called out, as she was passing by. "Abby!" she called, leaning down to her. "Somebody get me a gurney!"  
  
"What happened?" she asked the parents of the boy, who were now trying to help Abby.  
  
"I don't know. She was explaining what they were doing to our son and she fell!" the man said.   
  
As Haleh and Cleo pushed the gurney up the hallway to them, the trauma room doors swung open as Dave and Carter pushed the gurney with Michael on it, on their way to the elevator.  
  
"What happened?" Carter asked, as he saw them lift Abby's body onto the gurney.  
  
"She passed out." Deb replied, "Get her into trauma 1." She called.  
  
"Michael!" Mrs. Gould called as the gurney was wheeled by her. "Hey, how are you doing sweetie?"  
  
"Dave can you take him?" Carter asked, looking back as they wheeled Abby into the trauma room.   
  
"Carter, go. We'll take care of Abby! Find Luka!" Cleo called as the doors swung shut behind her.   
  
Once they wheeled her into the trauma room, Haleh began and IV as Deb and Cleo took her vitals.  
  
"Her Blood Pressure's a little high." Cleo said, pulling the cuff off her arm.   
  
Slowly, her eyes opened and she stared up into the light being shined in her face. "What is that?" she mumbled, turning her head away. "Cleo, what are you doing?"  
  
"Do you remember what happened?" Cleo asked, as the three women now stood staring at Abby.   
  
"I don't know. I was talking to the parents, and I got dizzy." She replied, lifting her head up. "Can I get up?"  
  
"No, just lay down. We're going to run a few tests first." Deb replied, grabbing in the chart and writing something in it. "How do you feel now?"  
  
"I'm fine." Abby lied. "I just want to get up.   
  
"How long have you been dizzy?" Deb asked. "And tell me the truth."  
  
"I don't know. I've been getting dizzy spells for a week or two now." She replied.   
  
"Is this the first time you passed out?" Cleo asked, turning to Haleh. "Did Carter get Luka?"  
  
"How would I know?" Haleh replied. "I've been with you."  
  
"Yes, it's the first time I passed out." Abby replied. "I'm ok."  
  
"What else, have you been sick at all?" Deb asked.   
  
"I've had that stomach flu thing for awhile now." She replied, sighing.   
  
"How long is awhile?"  
  
"I don't know. A week maybe."   
  
"You've been vomiting?" Deb asked again.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Headache?" Cleo asked, checking Abby's pulse.  
  
"On and off."  
  
Looking up at each other, both Deb and Cleo nodded.  
  
"Abby, when was your last period?" Deb asked.  
  
When the words passed through Deb's mouth it hit her like a ton of bricks.   
  
"Oh god." Abby mumbled.  
  
"Do you remember?" Cleo asked, as all 3 women in the room continued to stare at Abby.  
  
"The beginning of May, around the 4th or 5th." Abby replied as her head again began to pound.  
  
"Ok, Haleh, order a CBC, Chem 7, and a pregnancy test." Deb ordered her. "And run in under the name Jane Doe."  
  
"Got it." Haleh mumbled, leaving the trauma room.   
  
"Thank you." Abby thanked her.  
  
Deb nodded and smiled. "Did you know you were late?" she asked Abby, who was turning a pale color.   
  
"I think I'm going to be sick." Abby mumbled, as Cleo hurried over to the counter and grabbed an emesis basin. Handing it over to Deb, she gave it to Abby just in time.   
  
"Do you want me to go get Luka?" Cleo asked, as Abby nodded and continued to vomit.   
  
Exiting the trauma room, Cleo made her way down the hallway to the admit desk. "Has anyone seen Carter? I sent him to find Dr. Kovac 10 minutes ago."  
  
"Kovac went to the roof about half hour ago, could have taken him awhile to get up there and back down." Frank called, as the phone rang. "ER?"  
  
"Well if him and Carter aren't back in 5 minutes, beep them both!" Cleo called.   
  
Back in the trauma room, Abby had finished vomiting and was now leaning back against the gurney, now propped in the upright position. The waves of nausea had again begun, but it seemed she would be ok again for a few minutes.  
  
As Deb handed her a cup of water to wash her mouth out, she sat next to her. Setting the chart down on the gurney, she took Abby's pulse again.  
  
"So, you had no idea you were late?" Deb again asked, looking at Abby.  
  
Abby smiled back at her. "I don't know. I mean, you have to swear this doesn't leave this room." She said seriously to Deb.  
  
"Doctor patient confidentiality." Deb said, offering Abby a reassuring smile. "No one will find out."   
  
"Ok. A few months ago I thought I was pregnant but I wasn't. After that, Luka and I decided we'd start trying after we got married. But I didn't think it would happen so fast. That's why I didn't think anything of the vomiting, or dizziness." Abby confessed.  
  
Deb nodded and smiled. "So it wouldn't be such a horrible thing if the test turns out positive?"   
  
"No." Abby replied, playing with the blanket draped over her. "It would make Luka happy."  
  
Deb laughed and went to respond as the trauma room doors swung open and Luka rushed in.  
  
"Abby." Luka said, sounding out of breath as he hurried to her side where he kissed her. "What happened, are you ok?" he managed to get out as he took a deep breath for air.  
  
"Luka, why are you so out of breath?" she asked, as he took another deep breath.   
  
"I ran," he replied, sounding concerned. "Abby, what happened?"  
  
"I'm ok," she assured him, glancing over at Deb who was pretending to wash her hands. "I just fainted."   
  
"You fainted. Abby, that isn't anything? What tests did they run?" he asked frantically. "Did you eat today? I told you, you should not have come back to work when you're still sick."  
  
"Luka, I'm ok. I was just dizzy." Abby explained. "They're just doing blood tests."  
  
"You should go home. Until your feeling better." Luka told her. "When your tests come back, I'm taking you."   
  
He took hold of Abby's hand and leaned over to kiss her. As he did, Abby's stomach fluttered, god how she wanted those results.  
  
*********************************  
  
"The test results for Jane Doe in exam 3 are back." Randi said aloud later that evening, as she opened a lollipop and popped it in her mouth.  
  
"I've got them." Chen said, reaching for the chart. Looking through them, she read the results and put the chart on top of the two others in her arms.  
  
Walking down the long hallway, passing by a drunken man sitting in a wheelchair who grabbed at her skirt, she made her way to exam 3 where Abby was sitting in the bed, staring at the wall.  
  
"Where'd Luka go?" Deb asked, shutting the door behind her and pulling the curtain around the bed.   
  
"Dr. Weaver came and got him about an hour ago. She needed help with a patient." Abby replied. "Did the tests come back?"  
  
Deb nodded and looked down at the chart. "I ran them unanimous, though everyone out there knows you passed out. But they won't know why though." she assured Abby. "You ready?"  
  
Taking a deep breath and smiling, Abby nodded. "Yes."   
  
"It's positive." Deb replied, reading off the results.   
  
"Positive." Abby repeated back, like she wasn't sure was hearing right. "You're sure?"  
  
"One hundred percent." Deb replied. "Congratulations."   
  
"Yeah..... thanks." Abby replied, a million thoughts floating through her head.  
  
"Well, if you're feeling ok now, and the dizziness is gone, I can discharge you." Deb told her. "I'll just write you a script for some prenatal vitamins.. you know the whole procedure with those."  
  
Abby nodded, still in a daze to the news. "Yeah, I know how they work."  
  
"Ok, well you can get dressed and I'll go discharge you."  
  
"Uh huh." was all Abby replied, as she went to stand up. As she did, Deb gave her one last smile and left the room.  
  
Quickly dressing, Abby exited the exam room and made her way back down to admit.   
  
"I thought you were going home." Dave said to her, noticing as she grabbed a chart from the pile.   
  
"No, I'm ok." Abby replied, her mind wandering elsewhere.  
  
"You passed out didn't you?"  
  
"Yes, but I'm fine." snapped at him, walking away.   
  
"Whoa, calm down." he mumbled, looking through the rack for a new patient. "Some has major PMS."   
  
"Dave, shut up." Haleh said, passing by, walking for exam 1.  
  
"Jeez, both of em have it." He mumbled, low enough for no one to hear. As he set out for curtain area 2, he passed by Dr. Greene and Dr. Kovac and muttered, "Steer clear of Abby and Haleh, major PMS."   
  
"What?" was all Luka replied. "Where's Abby? I thought she was still in the exam room."  
  
"Not anymore, just grabbed a chart and took off."  
  
"Damn it." Luka muttered, walking away.  
  
*********************************  
  
Through the summer and the fall  
We had each other that was all  
Just she and I together  
Like it was meant to be  
  
And when she was lonely  
I was there to comfort her  
And i knew that she loved me  
  
*********************************  
  
"Abby." Luka called a few minutes later, as he found her in Curtain area 3, taking a sleeping woman's vitals. "Why haven't you gone home?"  
  
"Luka, I'm ok." She replied, writing in the woman's chart.  
  
"Passing out is not ok. Now no one even answered me before. Why did you pass out?"  
  
"Could we talk about this somewhere else?" Abby asked, setting the chart down.  
  
"No, I want to know now. What happened, why are you trying to hide this from me?"  
  
"Luka, come on. I don't want to tell you right here." Abby said.   
  
"Abby, tell me. Are you sick? I want to know so I can help you!" he said, his voice sounding more and more concerned.  
  
Seeing the hurt, the concern in his face, Abby took his hand and pulled him out of the exam room. Pulling him down the hall, she peeked into the woman's room and seeing it was empty, pulled him inside.  
  
"I'm not supposed to be in here." Luka said, looking around. "But this bathroom is much nicer than the men's." he commented.  
  
"Luka, I didn't bring you in here to talk about the bathroom." Abby said, impatiently.   
  
"I know." He said, touching her arm. "Abby, please tell me what's wrong."  
  
She looked to the floor and then back up to him. Squeezing his hand, she took it and gently placed it on her stomach. She held it there with her own hand and grinned up at him, as he watched her.  
  
"That's what's the matter with me." She told him, as his eyes widened and a huge grin spread across his face.  
  
"Oh my god!" he cried, happily as he wrapped his arms around Abby and lifted her into the air. "We are going to have a baby!"   
  
She too laughed as he lifted her into his arms and kissed her. He then leaned down and kissed her stomach, all while wanting to jump around like a 5 year old on Christmas morning who just received the toy he had begged for months to have.   
  
"You're having my baby." He said, as he kissed her again. "I'm sorry I got mad before." He apologized.   
  
"It's ok." She replied, his arms still wrapped around her. As she leaned up to kiss him again, the bathroom door swung open and Elizabeth walked in.  
  
"Hello Abby….. Luka." She greeted them, looking at the oddly.  
  
"Elizabeth." Luka said politely, as Abby burst out laughing and buried her face in his chest. "Come here." Luka said, grinning and pulling Abby from the bathroom. "What's so funny?' he asked, his grin growing wider and wider as he looked at her. She was carrying his child, inside of her body. It was his, he had another chance, a chance he had waited so long for.   
  
"Just the way you said hello, it was funny." She admitted, as he pulled her toward the lounge. Pulling her inside, he again kissed her.  
  
"I love you." He said, millions of thoughts running through his head.   
  
"I hope so." She replied, as she stepped back. "When are you off?" she asked, looking at her watch.  
  
"Not for a few more hours." He replied, as her face fell.  
  
"Can you get off early?" she asked hopefully, not wanting to go home alone.  
  
"Weaver will kill me. I already took two days off last week when I stayed home with you." He said, sounding unhappy. He had just found out he was going to be a father for Christ sake! He wanted to be with Abby.   
  
"Damn." She mumbled, as he hand wandered down to her stomach. "Do you want me to hang around and wait for you?"  
  
"No, you should go home and rest. I'll see if I can try and get out an hour early maybe."  
  
Abby nodded. "You're sure?"  
  
"Yes, go home. Take care of our baby." He ordered her, as he kissed her one last time. "I'll see you in a little while ok?"  
  
Kissing her one last time, he felt like he couldn't move.. he didn't want to move. He wanted to go home with her and never leave. Just be with her.. forever.   
  
*********************************  
  
When somebody loved me  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour spent together  
Lives winthin my heart   
  
*********************************  
  
After returning home from work and spending another good 45 minutes glued to the toilet, Abby wandered into the living room and fell asleep on the couch. Later that evening, Luka returned home with a shopping bag and found Abby fast asleep. Smiling as he watched her, he threw his coat on the chair near the TV and pulled what he had purchased out of the plastic bag. Tossing the bag to the floor, he tiptoed over to Abby and kissed her forehead lightly before sitting on the floor next to her, his head level with her on the couch. Pulling Abby's shirt up ever so carefully, exposing her stomach, he opened the book he had just bought and began to read quietly.  
  
"I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I am." He whispered to her stomach, as he turned the page. "I do not like them with a house, I do not like them with a mouse."  
  
As he read, Abby's arm moved and now hung off the side of the couch. As it hung, it woke her up, because her eyes slowly opened and she looked down to see Luka, leaning about 2 inches away from her stomach, reading a book out loud.  
  
"Luka, what are you doing?" she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?"  
  
"It's about 7:30." He whispered back. "And.. I was reading a book."  
  
"To my stomach?" she whispered back. "Why are we whispering?"  
  
"I don't know." He giggled. "But I heard that if you read to the baby while it's in the womb, it.. what the word?" he asked.  
  
"Can identify with it after it's born?" Abby finished, grabbing the book from Luka's grip. "I've heard that. Green Eggs and Ham?" she laughed, leafing through the book. "I remember reading this to Eric, when I would put him to bed."  
  
"You put Eric to bed?" Luka asked. .  
  
"Yeah, most of the time. When I would, my mom was either already asleep, or off her meds and crying in her bedroom. So I would put him to bed, make sure he was ok." Abby explained. Sitting up, and making room for Luka, he joined her on the couch, her stomach still exposed. "Are you going to finish?" she asked, wanting the topic changed.  
  
"You want me to finish?" he asked, as she put her hand to her stomach.  
  
Abby nodded and smiled, as he re-opened the book and kissed her. "Ok," he replied. "Hey in there," he said, again speaking to Abby's stomach. "I'm your daddy. Do you want me to finish reading to you?"  
  
"What kind of response are you looking for?" Abby laughed as a smile spread across Luka's face.  
  
"I don't know," he said slyly.   
  
"Read." she ordered him, as he continued to laugh.   
  
"Ok, ok." He replied, giggling. "I will not eat them here or there. I will not eat them anywhere."  
  
"I do not like green eggs and ham… I do not like them Sam I am." Abby finished, remembering the book from years ago. Sighing, she stretched her arm and looked over at the clock. "How many books did you buy?" she asked, eyeing the plastic bag on the floor, which still contained books.  
  
"I don't know. I think maybe 4." He replied, leaning over and grabbing the bag. "I went to that bookstore near the hospital before I came home." He explained.   
  
"Which one's?" she asked, grabbing the bag from him. "'Green Eggs and Ham', 'The Cat in the Hat', 'One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish', 'The Cat in the Hate Comes Back'" she said, reading aloud the titles. "What'd you buy, exclusively Dr. Seuss?"   
  
Luka smiled. "Marco and Jasna, I remember how Danielja and I used to read these books to them before bed every night." He remembered, putting his hand to Abby's stomach and rubbing it. "I thought the new baby would like them."  
  
Abby smiled and leaned over into Luka. "I'll bet he or she loves them." She replied, in a voice slightly above a whisper. "Because you're his or her dad, and they'll love you for that."  
  
*********************************  
  
When somebody loved me  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour spent together  
Lives winthin my heart   
  
  
3/20/01   



	4. Bonheur Trompé- Part 4

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 4*  
by Kelly  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.  
  
The music in this story is "Goodbye Is Forever" by Arcadia  
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
Writer's Notes: I can't even remember if I said this back when I wrote part 1, but this whole series takes place at the end of season 8 ok? I want to see Luka and Abby's relationship grow more before they get married and have a baby. besides, none of this will actually happen, it's just what my screwed up brain comes up with ;)  
  
********************************  
  
Sometimes you have no choice  
sometimes you've got no voice to say  
say if you will the words--  
say if your world is so gray  
  
********************************  
  
Morning dew sticks to everything, making it unbearably stifling when you step outside. The humidity in the air, chokes you like two big hands, squeezing your neck. That's how it felt that mid September morning. It was the day everyone remembers, the last really hot day before the weather breaks, and the rain begins to fall, allowing everyone to escape the wrath of summer.   
  
School was again in session, meaning there were no longer the shrieks of young children as they ran around outside. No more playing in pools, running through sprinklers, playing baseball in the street. Things were again relatively quiet, aside from the construction a few blocks over.   
  
Abby awoke early that morning, as the sun peeked through the window, hitting her directly in the face. Turning over, she found the bed next to her empty, realizing Luka had been on at 6, and it was now 8:30. Lifting herself with her hands, she pulled herself upright slowly, hoping to avoid the nausea that came every morning. But, no such luck.   
  
She let out a soft moan as she reached the toilet, and hung her head, as her stomach contents emptied- again. This was a daily thing. She was already close to 10 weeks, and the sickness seemed to get worse everyday. Most days, she felt almost too weak to walk, even open her eyes. Her head was in constant pain; it felt as if someone were taking a hammer to it. She spent hours in the bathroom, of either their house, or at the hospital.   
  
Luka was constantly watching her, worrying himself to death as he watched her. She could barely keep any food down, and the smell of most she could made her queasy. She knew that morning sickness was usually a part of pregnancy, but she has never imagined it would be as bad as it was.   
  
"Damn it." She mumbled to herself, as she settled back against the tub, her knees pulled up to her chest, awaiting the next bout of nausea to wash over. The vomiting lasted on average a half hour in the morning. Then it would return later at night, before bed. "You know, I know you don't seem to like food, but I do, and I'd like some," she mumbled quietly to her stomach, reaching for a magazine that was set next to the sink. Flipping through it, she skimmed an article on 'The Best Ways to Seduce Your Man."   
  
Pushing her hair from her face, she looked at the model in the picture and sighed. Her hair all-perfect, perfect teeth, the perfect body. She wanted to smack her. "I bet she never had morning sickness," she said aloud, as the feeling of nausea again swept over her.   
  
After again vomiting, Abby made her way to the sink, where she rinsed her mouth, and grabbed her toothbrush. As she reached for the tube of toothpaste, she could hear the phone begin to ring in the bedroom. She dropped the tube of toothpaste and almost tripped on a bath towel as she shuffled toward the night table. Picking the phone up to ear, she could hear the muffled sounds of sobs on the other end.   
  
"Hello?" she said, debating whether or not to hang up, thinking this was a prank call.   
  
"Hello, may I speak with Luka Kovac please?" the voice on the other end asked.   
  
"He isn't here right now. Who is this, can I take a message?" Abby replied, grabbing Luka's dirty socks from the end of the bed and tossing them into an empty laundry basket.   
  
"This is Viktor. I am a friend of the Kovac family. Who am I speaking with?"   
  
Abby closed her eyes, as another feeling of nausea swept over her. "Abby, Luka's wife."   
  
"Oh yes." the man replied, as he mumbled something inaudible to someone at his end of the line. "I really must speak with Luka."   
  
"He's at work, now can I take a message or not?" Abby asked, getting annoyed. The room was spinning before her, she wanted to crawl back under the blankets, and fall asleep for a long time.   
  
"I'm calling to inform Luka that his brother, Dmitri, was killed yesterday in a car accident. Please tell him his whole family is here."   
  
This news sent a cold shiver down Abby's spine. Her eyes instantly flew open; the nauseous feeling was suddenly gone. "Is this some kind of joke? Why isn't Luka's mother or father on the phone?"   
  
"Neither of them speak enough English to make the call. They are right here, along with some of Luka's other relatives."   
  
"Oh," was all Abby was able to reply. Luka's brother was dead, killed in a car accident. Luka would be crushed; he would need to go to Croatia today.   
  
"The funeral will be in two days, we will be awaiting his arrival." Viktor informed her. "Thank you."   
  
With that, the connection went dead, as the dial tone started again in Abby's ear. Setting the phone down, she just sat staring for a moment, her hand set on her knee, squeezing it. Without even thinking, she pulled on a pair of old black shorts that were slung over a chair, and one of Luka's t-shirts. Rushing down the stairs, she checked the kitchen counter for her car keys and sighed, finding they were not there. Looking through a pile of newspapers, she finally found them on the floor next to the garbage can.   
  
The heat hit her with a stifling blast as she stepped outside. Her stomach began again as she pulled the car door open and started the engine. Pulling the car out of the driveway, she turned the air conditioning on, allowing it to hit her full blast. Her head was still spinning; she felt it would never stop.   
  
***************************************  
  
Pushing through the ambulance bay entrance, Abby found herself surrounded by a mass of people. Most were drenched with sweat, waiting in chairs, bickering with each other, hitting the soda machine, or many even asleep. Pushing through a group of teenage girls, Abby made her way to admit, where Randi sat, a phone in her hand, tapping her fingers impatiently.  
  
"Randi, where's Luka?" Abby asked, stuffing her car keys into her pocket.  
  
"Dr. Kovac?" Randi replied, looking up from her daydream, pushing a strand of hair out of her face.   
  
"How many other Luka's do you know?" Abby asked impatiently.  
  
Randi thought for a moment, "Just making sure. He's down in…….. Exam 2."  
  
Immediately turning, Abby hurried toward exam 2. Pushing through the door, she came face to face with Dave, who was talking with a patient. "Dave, where's Luka?"  
  
"Oh, hey Abby." Dave greeted her. "Wanna help me with this guy? He was trying to break the world record for sit-ups. Made it to over 8000."   
  
"No. Where's Luka?" she practically yelled.   
  
Dave snickered. "Go check the supply closet."   
  
"Thanks."   
  
Turning from exam 2, Abby walked toward the supply closet, where she found Luka, bent over searching the shelves. He pushed over a few boxes, before grabbing a bottle of medication.   
  
"Luka." Abby said, as he stood up, seeing she was standing near him.   
  
"Abby, why are you here so early? You said you were not on until 11."  
  
"Luka, I have to talk to you." She said seriously, closing the door behind her, in an attempt to have a private conversation.  
  
"Is everything ok, is the baby ok?" he asked, suddenly sounding very concerned.  
  
"The baby's fine." Abby assured him, as she stepped closer to him. "Luka, a family friend of yours called. Viktor."  
  
Luka nodded, putting down the container of medication. "He is a friend of my fathers."   
  
Abby sighed, and closed her eyes for a second. "Luka, Dmitri was in a car accident yesterday."  
  
As the words passed through her lips, the color began to drain from Luka's face. His looked went from one of seriousness, to one of sadness. "How is he?" he asked, struggling with every word.  
  
Abby just looked up at him, grasping his hand in hers. "He didn.."  
  
"Don't say it." Luka said, cutting her off. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his composure. "I have to go." He said very quickly, pushing past her, and through the door. She followed him down to admit, calling his name.  
  
"Luka, will you wait?" she called, as he erased his name from the board and threw his charts on the counter.   
  
"Kerry, I have to go. I need to take a few days off." He said, to Dr. Weaver, who was going over labs in the computer.   
  
"Luka, you can't just take days off whenever you want. I need you here." She replied, sounding annoyed.   
  
"I need to go. Ask Dr. Greene or Dr. Carter if he can cover for me."  
  
Without another word, he walked into the lounge, leaving Kerry at admit with Abby.  
  
"Dr. Weaver, I need to take a few days off too."   
  
"What is it with you people? Did someone instigate some system I am unaware of that allows you to just take days off whenever you feel like it?"   
  
"Luka's brother died." Abby blurted out. "He needs to go to Croatia for the funeral. I am not going to let him go alone."  
  
Kerry understood immediately, and nodded. "Take as many days as you need."  
  
Abby just nodded and turned quickly. "Thank you Dr. Weaver."  
  
Pushing through the lounge door, she found Luka standing at his locker, his head leaning against the door. He had his wallet in his hands.   
  
"Luka." Abby whispered, walking toward him. "Luka, I'm sorry."  
  
He turned his head to face her, and looked at her with a gaze she had never seen before.   
  
"Why again?" was all he said. "They took Danijela, Marco and Jasna. Now they've taken Dmitri."   
  
Abby sighed, and stood next to him, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. His grip was tight, it seemed as if he were gripping for dear life. She could hear the waver in his voice; she could see the sadness in his eyes.   
  
"It'll be ok." She whispered, trying to assure him. She watched as he locked his eyes closed tightly. He let out a loud sigh, and he gripped her tighter. She was at a loss for words. She knew nothing she said could ease the pain he was feeling right now. "Come on, leave your car here, I'll drive home."  
  
****************************  
  
we can decide this  
there'll be no tears--  
no tradgedy  
Sure I wouldn't break and cry, if...  
you walk away--  
believe me  
  
****************************  
  
As they pulled into the driveway of their house about an hour later, Luka opened the front door and went straight to the kitchen, where he picked up the phone. Abby followed quietly, taking a seat at the small island in the center of the room, next to him.  
  
"Do you want me to pack for us?" she asked quietly, as he looked through the telephone book for the number of the airport.   
  
He shook his head, searching for the number. "You aren't coming Abby."  
  
"Luka, I'm going with you." She said, sounding hurt. "You can't go alone."  
  
"No." he replied. "Abby, it isn't safe."  
  
She looked at him and reached out to his hair, where she fixed a piece of it. "Nothing is going to happen to me Luka. But I'm not letting you go to your brother's funeral, all alone. We're married, remember?"   
  
He sighed, his hand shaking as he pressed the numbers into the telephone. "Not again, I can't lose anyone else Abby. What if something happens while you're there? To you, or the baby?"  
  
As she listened to him speak, she understood why he was so afraid to take her with him. He had already lost so many people in Croatia. The war had taken his previous wife and his children. It had taken so many of his friends. And now, years later, his brother had been taken.   
  
"The baby and I will be fine Luka." She assured him. "I'll be with you the whole time. I promise, it's safe now. But I can't let you go alone."   
  
He looked at her hard as the phone stopped ringing and the person on the other end picked up. As he listened to her, Abby got up and grabbed a pad of paper and a pen. Scribbling a quick note down on it, she folded the paper up and stuck it on the refrigerator. Leaning over, she kissed Luka and gave him a reassuring hug.   
  
"I'm going up to pack." She mouthed, as she turned to leave the kitchen.  
  
In their bedroom, she pulled a large duffel bag from the closet and set it on the bed. Pulling open drawers, she pulled whatever she could grab and sorted through it. Socks, underwear, bra's, pajamas, in it all went. Opening the closet, she found a pair of Luka's good pants and folded them, and stuffed them in. She grabbed one of his good shirts and in that went. Looking through her side, she finally found a pair of nice black pants, and a blouse to go with it. There was no way in hell she was going to fit in the one dress she owned. She may have only been 10 weeks, but she could already feel the bloating and bulging beginning.   
  
She was just pulling the zipper shut as Luka walked in, seeming as if he were dragging each foot, like it was a major physical task.  
  
"I got us plane tickets for 3 o'clock." He said, walking over to the window and sitting in a chair, staring at the street below. He could see their neighbor across the street, Mrs. Bankman. She was an elderly lady who loved to talk. She spent much of her time in the front yard, watering her flowers and sitting on her porch, watching the cars go by and the children play. She often talked about her husband, who had died years earlier of lung cancer. She told Luka once of the time they had gone back to Italy, to visit the town where she had grown up. It had been this best trip of her life, they had gone for two weeks, and enjoyed every moment of it. Her life seemed so full of happiness, even after her husband had passed on. She had so many wonderful memories with him, that she told him, 'I can feel him with me everyday. I know he is watching me dear. And anytime I think of him and miss him, all I have to do is close my eyes, and I see him."  
  
He sighed as he watched her. She was sitting on her front step, her old cat in her lap. She was so old, yet so full of life.   
  
He could feel Abby's arms wrap around him as he continued to watch her. He could feel her breath as she lowered her head to rest it on his shoulders. Her hands were like silk, as he reached up and grabbed them.   
  
"Thank you," was all he said, it was all he needed to say.   
  
****************************  
  
Hey, goodbye  
goodbye is--forever  
Hey, forever  
goodbye is--forever  
and ever...  
  
****************************  
  
Did you ever notice how loud airports really are? Between the announcements, the music, people yelling, babies crying, baggage terminals, you can get a headache you think will never go away. Or at least that's how you think it is.   
  
As they got ready to board the airplane later that day, Abby felt as if her head were going to explode into a million different pieces. She had just spent the last half an hour standing next to a man screaming into his cell phone, on line at the ticket counter. Luka had been in the bathroom at the time, and if she knew he wouldn't have returned at any moment, she would have gladly smacked the screaming man with her purse.   
  
As they found their seats on the plane, Luka allowed Abby to get in first, where she found herself seated next to a middle aged man, who was busy trying to set his laptop up.   
  
"Are you sure you don't want the aisle?" Luka asked, as Abby attempted to buckle her seatbelt.   
  
Abby nodded. "I'm ok."  
  
Settling back into his seat, Luka looked around at the many other people on the airplane. They were all smiling, laughing, talking with the one's they knew. How, he thought, could they be doing this? Didn't they understand his brother had just died? That yet another loved one had been taken and would never be seen alive again? No, why would they care? They hadn't known Dmitri, they didn't know Luka. They all had their own lives. Like everyone today does.   
  
Abby gripped his hand in her own as the plane began to take off. He pressed his head back into his seat and closed his eyes. As soon as he did, he could see Dmitri. His dark brown hair, the big grin he always wore. He was much shorter than Luka, only about 5'8", and was very thin. But he always loved to have a good time. Luka could remember the time Dmitri had snuck out during the night when they were much younger, and climbed down the tall tree outside their apartment building. He had made it almost to the bottom, when his pants got caught on a branch, and he got stuck. His father had gotten so angry when he found Dmitri in the tree the next morning. But all Dmitri had done was laughed, thinking he was hysterical.   
  
Luka smiled as he thought of that. Turning to Abby, he squeezed her hand and gave her a small smile.   
  
"Are you ok?" he asked.  
  
She nodded. "I'm fine."  
  
Turning his attention across the aisle, his eyes locked with those of a small baby girl, maybe only a year or so old. She had bright blue eyes, and a head full of short blond curls. Her hands flew up as he watched her, and a loud shriek came from her, as she began to laugh, clapping her hands.  
  
In less than 9 months he'd have one of those again. A baby to hold, to rock to sleep, to sing to, to love. It had been so long since he had been able to say that. That he was a father. That he had a wife, a family.   
  
Turning back to Abby, her eyes were closed, and he head was turned toward him. She looked absolutely exhausted. Pushing a strand of hair out of her face, he settled back, and began to think of Dmitri again, and everything he had missed with him.  
  
****************************  
  
Sometimes it makes no sense,  
this side of cruel coincidence  
caught up in our own barbed wire  
to set us free  
belive this--  
  
****************************  
  
"Chicken or pasta?" the flight attendant asked later, as she appeared, pushing a cart full of what looked exactly like hospital trays.   
  
Luka looked up to her and tapped Abby. "Abby.." he whispered, trying to wake her up.   
  
"Ergg… what?" she asked sleepily, as she opened one eye. "Are we there?"  
  
Luka shook his head. "What do you want to eat?" he asked. "Chicken or pasta?"  
  
Turning to look at the flight attendant, Abby rubbed her eyes and sighed. "I guess pasta."  
  
As the tray was placed in front of her, the attendant placed an exact tray in front of Luka and moved on to the next aisle. Removing the cover, Abby looked at the food and turned her head. As the smell of it reached her, her stomach immediately began to turn, and she pressed her hand to it. Lifting her tray without a word, she pushed passed Luka, and practically sprinted to the bathrooms in the back of the plane. As the man seated next to her watched, Luka pushed his tray up and grabbed both trays of food. He quickly handed them back to the flight attendant and went after Abby.  
  
"Abby?" he called into the line of bathrooms as he knocked on the doors. "Abby?"  
  
Leaning closer to the fourth one, he could hear the sound of gagging and knocked harder. "Abby?" Trying to turn the small knob, he fumbled with it, as a woman passed by and gave him an odd look.  
  
He could hear the water turn on and off, and the door opened, Abby stepping out. Her face was pale, and she looked ready to begin throwing up again.  
  
"I'm sorry, but that smell." She managed to mumble, and he wrapped his arms around her, helping her back to their seats.  
  
"It's ok." He murmured, as he sat down next to her. Wrapping his arm around her neck, she leaned over, resting her head on his chest. The nausea was horrible right now. Her stomach was turning and turning, she felt like she was on a roller coaster.   
  
"I'm sorry." She whispered, as she closed her eyes. Her head was spinning, faster and faster.  
  
"For what?" he asked, resting his head on hers.  
  
"For this. You just lost your brother Luka, you shouldn't be worrying about me, chasing me to bathrooms on airplanes when I throw up."  
  
His hand wandered down to her stomach as she spoke, and came to a stop. Letting it sit there, pressed up against her, he kissed her forehead and replied, "You don't have to be sorry. You did nothing wrong."  
  
She smiled as his hand touched her stomach. "I'm sorry about Dmitri." She whispered. "I know you two were close."  
  
"Don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault." Luka assured her, his voice practically inaudible. "It was his time, I just wish I would have known."  
  
****************************  
  
It had been only 2 days, yet those 2 days felt like a lifetime. Returning home to Croatia had brought back such a wave of emotions, Luka realized in less than 2 hours of returning, why he had left. The trees, the plants, the ground, the air, the smells, they all brought back such horrible memories, he wanted to break down and cry each time he saw one, or smelled it.   
  
Early the morning of the funeral, Luka awoke to the familiar sound of Abby in the bathroom. The gagging was a typical sound now, one he heard every morning. He hated to watch her like that, spending hours huddled over a toilet; he felt it was his fault. He got her pregnant, if she weren't pregnant, she wouldn't have morning sickness, wouldn't be tired all the time, wouldn't be so dizzy she couldn't walk at times. But when he thought of all the negatives, it made him think of the positives. A baby, their baby was causing this all. In a few months, it wouldn't be just "a baby", it would be a person. A boy or a girl with a name, that they could both love and care for together.   
  
As they dressed later that morning, Luka pulled his shirt over his head slowly, looking at a photo of Dmitri that sat on the dresser in the small room. They were staying at his parent's house, in Luka's old bedroom. It was amazing that during the entire war, the house had not been touched. Everything was the way it use to be, nothing had changed.   
  
"Noooo." Abby moaned, as she tried to pull on her pants. Grasping the button and the button slot, she tried desperately to get them to close. Holding her breath, she sucked her stomach in and attempted, with no promising result.   
  
"Do you want some help?" Luka asked, a small grin on his face as he watched her.   
  
"They don't fit, nothing fits." She sighed unhappily, falling back onto the small bed. "I won't even be able to fit into my scrubs soon."   
  
"You still look beautiful." Luka assured her, playing with her hair as he sat down next to her.   
  
"What am I going to wear today Luka? I didn't realize that none of the clothes I bought fit anymore."  
  
He watched her for a moment and smiled, as he began to speak.  
  
"Don't even say it."  
  
"My mom may have something you could borrow." He offered, standing up. "Come here."  
  
"I don't have any pants on, I'm not leaving the room."   
  
"Your shirt is long, come on." He guided her down the hallway, knocking on his parent's bedroom door. "Mama?" he called, peeking his head in.  
  
A crying woman sat in a chair by the window as he let himself in. "Mama, it's ok." He comforted her, as Abby stood in the doorway watching. "You'll be ok."  
  
"Luka." Was all she said, as she blew into a tissue.   
  
"It's ok."  
  
Abby looked on as he continued to comfort his mother. She watched him closely, all of his movements, what he said, how he managed to calm her down so quickly.   
  
"Mama, do you have a skirt Abby could borrow?" he asked softly, as he handed her another tissue.   
  
The old woman looked up to Abby and nodded. Pulling open a dresser drawer, she pulled out a simple black skirt and handed it to Abby.  
  
"Thank you." Abby said to her, as Luka smiled at her.   
  
The old woman nodded and took her seat back, and began to look out the window again.  
  
****************************  
  
Hey, goodbye  
goodbye is--forever  
Hey, forever  
goodbye is--forever  
and ever...  
  
****************************  
  
There is nothing more somber than a funeral. All around you, people are crying, and crying, and holding each other. Many grieve in their own ways. Some cry, others are silent, some get mad, and some take shelter, and hide from everyone. It seemed that at Dmitri's funeral, everyone's intentions were the same, everyone cried.  
  
As Luka watched his brother's body being lowered into the ground, it brought back horrible memories. The memory of watching his family, Danijela, Marco and Jasna, all being buried. It had snowed that day, and he could remember the doll that lay atop Jasna's casket. It had been her favorite doll. She was never seen without it. She held the doll at dinner, brought it with her in the bathtub, gripped it tightly at night when she was in bed.  
  
When the casket was lowered, and the family began to walk away, Abby slipped her hand into Luka's and stood close to him. She could hear him whispering in Croatian, but didn't understand a word of it. When he finished whispering, she looked up at him, the hot sun hitting her eyes.   
  
"You ready?" he asked her, looking at the casket one final time, low in the ground, awaiting the piles of dirt to be thrown upon it.   
  
"Yeah." She said, as they both turned away from the grave and walked up the small hill.   
  
"I miss him." He sighed, his voice as if he were ready to cry.  
  
"I know."  
  
****************************  
  
Hey, goodbye  
goodbye is--forever  
Hey, forever  
goodbye is--forever  
and ever...  
  
****************************  
  
  
4/10/01   



	5. Bonheur Trompé- Part 5 (NC-17)

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 5*  
by Kelly  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.  
  
The music in this story is "Miracle" by Whitney Houston   
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
Writer's Notes: I decided to try something new with Part 5. I wrote it from Abby's POV. I plan to write Part 6 from Luka's if you guys all like it ok? So tell me which way you like it better!  
  
Thanks: Major thanks to adrienne464, bittybell, er_fanbelle, and mauratierneyfan who all took the time in one of the Luby chats over at Carolina's club to help me write the NC-17 scene in this story! Thanks you guys! :)  
  
WARNING; This fanfiction is rated NC-17. So I have warned you, if you are under 17, or feel you cannot deal with sexual situations, don't read this.   
  
++++++++++++++++++++  
  
How could I throw away a miracle  
How could I face another day  
It's all of my doing  
I made a choice  
And today I pay  
My heart is full of pain  
How could you understand  
The way I feel  
How could you relate to so much pain  
Seems as though nothing can comfort me  
So today I pray  
That someone should listen for  
  
++++++++++++++++++++   
  
I wonder all the time why the hell I bother doing what I do. Normal people spend their days talking on cell phones, watching stock averages, teaching children to read, putting criminals in jail. I watch people die. Sometimes I think it's because of the way I was raised. There was never much love in my house; no one really cared what I did. Maybe now I want to be able to help people I see who need it.  
  
It's October 31st, Halloween. There ER is already full of Looney's and it's only 9:30am. I've been on since 2 am, and I was suppose to have today, along with the next two days off. But Lydia had some kind of family emergency so I offered to cover for her. Luka and I can use the money.   
  
I just finished up with some horny old man who was complaining his ears were too big and his girlfriend doesn't like them that way. He wants me to cut them off, make them smaller. Where do these people come from?  
  
"Abby, start an IV in curtain area 3." Mark calls to me, as I walk down the hallway. Cleo passes by me, chasing a screaming boy. He's dressed in a batman costume, yelling how he has to save the world. I hope to god it slows down soon, I need a break.  
  
+++++++++++++  
  
There was a major trauma earlier this morning, at about 5. A car accident only about 3 blocks from here. We managed to save them all, and now they've all gone to various units. It's finally slowed down; all the patients left are minor injuries, maybe a sprain or an earache. After finishing up with a chart, I head down to admit where I drop it. Dave is there, no matter what, I always manage to run into him. He's busy telling Carter something about a date he had the other night.  
  
"Hey Abby." Carter greets me as I walk up. I lean over the counter and take a deep breath. Looking up at him, I see Dave grinning.   
  
"Hi Carter." I reply, looking oddly at Dave, who just keep grinning that devilish grin. "What?" I asked.  
  
He shakes his head. "Nothing."  
  
Carter's looking at him now as well. Dave turns away as we both look at him, laughing as he walks toward the lounge.  
  
"You look tired." Carter tells me, as he sips from his cup of coffee.  
  
"Yeah, well, I haven't been sleeping well." I reply, which is the truth. I haven't. The sickness seems to be over, except for the occasional bout. But now I have insomnia. I sit up at night, staring at the clock, or at Luka. I've tried watching TV, but there's nothing but infomercials on at 3 am. And if I have to watch that program for NADS one more time, I think I'll shoot myself.  
  
"You want me to write you a prescription for something?" he asks, setting his cup on the counter.  
  
I shake my head. "No, I'll be ok. I think we need a new mattress." I lie. The truth is, nobody knows I'm pregnant yet, aside from me, Luka, Dr. Finch, Dr. Chen, and Haleh. We want to keep it secret for a while, until we know everything is ok.  
  
Carter shrugs as I start to walk away. "I'll see you later."  
  
Pushing through the door to the lounge, I spot Dave on the couch, staring at some magazine. His stethoscope is on the floor, along with his shoes. I try and ignore him as I open my locker, and grab the bottle of prenatal vitamins off the shelf. He turns his head as I run the water and fill a glass with it. I open the bottle and swallow a pill, dumping the remaining water down the drain.  
  
"What was that?" he asks, poking his nose again where it doesn't belong.  
  
"Nothing." I reply shortly, as I toss the bottle back in my locker and slam the door.  
  
I can hear him mumble something to himself as I do so. He's got that stupid grin on his face again, just looking for trouble.  
  
"What?" I asked, as I get closer to him. "What did you say?"  
  
He laughs, and closes his magazine. "Nothing."  
  
"You're a jerk Dave." I tell him, going to leave the room. I go to pull the door open as he starts coughing loudly. "What the hell is your problem?"  
  
He hops up off the couch, and sprints for the refrigerator, grabbing a can of soda. "So Abby, when's the big day?" he asks, opening the can and taking a big sip.  
  
I freeze as he asks me that. I don't turn around, I just stand there for a second, trying to keep my face as calm as possible. "What are you talking about?" I ask coolly, turning around.  
  
"You know what I mean." He says, moving closer to me. "It's so obvious."  
  
"What is?" I ask again, trying to keep as calm as possible. Luka and I wanted to keep this a secret for a reason; we didn't want people knowing yet, especially Dave. He has the biggest mouth in Chicago.  
  
"The little Kovac you two got on the way." He says, setting the can of soda down. "So, when are we gunna get to see the little bugger?"  
  
"Who told you?" I ask, walking over to him, and kicking his shoes out of my way.  
  
He whistles and grins. "Nobody told me. I'm not as stupid as you think Abby. I noticed everything."  
  
God how he manages to piss me off just about every time I talk to him. I often wonder how I survived those months of being his med student. I also wonder why someone hasn't yet hit him, god knows I'd like to sometimes.  
  
"You noticed everything huh?" I repeat, looking down at my watch. 4 more hours and then I have two days off.  
  
"Yup, you sure didn't try to hide it. I mean, come on, either you gained some weight or your scrubs shrunk in the washing machine. And no more coffee, or cigarettes? I know you smoke, and I haven't seen you light up in months." He babbles on, as I glare at him for the weight comment. He really doesn't know when to shut up.  
  
"Fine, you know, ok?" I snap, getting annoyed. "Just don't say anything to anyone, Luka and I are trying to keep it quiet."  
  
"No problem." He replies, crossing his fingers over his heart like some third grader who promised not to tell his best friend a girl has a crush on him.  
  
He continues to laugh as I leave the lounge, and pass by Dr. Greene who's talking with Dr. Coburn. He's waving his finger at me, and I sigh, only wondering what she has found to bitch about today.  
  
"Abby, Dr. Coburn came down to ask me if you'd mind working up in OB for the rest of your shift." Dr. Greene tells me, as I approach them.  
  
"Dr. Greene told me that things are relatively quiet down here, and we're swamped upstairs." Dr. Coburn explains to me. "There are 11 women in labor, 6 of them actively."  
  
I listen to her as she tells Dr. Greene that she can really use the help, she never really waits for my answer. But then again, I'm only a nurse, I don't get a choice. I feel as if she's pulling a Kerry Weaver on me. Except Dr. Weaver was pulling me to work down here.  
  
She practically tugs me upstairs, and hands me a chart. I listen to her as she explains the patient's current state, rambling on and on.  
  
"36 year old, gestation period at 38 ½ weeks. She was last checked about an hour ago, when she was at a 2 plus station, 75% effaced, and 7 centimeters dilated." She tells me, as I take the chart.  
  
I nod as she continues. "Now I've got a woman down the hall who's about ready to deliver twins, so if she starts moving faster, I want you to call Johnson ok?"  
  
"Got it." I say, as I look down at the chart. "What room is she in?"  
  
"509."  
  
I pass by the nursery as I walk down the hallway. Inside, there are about 15 newborns, some crying, some yawning, and some just staring into the bright lights above them. I miss it up here. Up here, just about everything you see if pure joy, it is so rare that anyone dies. And when they do, you want to cry just as hard as the parents who have lost the child. Pushing open the door of room 509, I can hear a woman's screams as I see her husband sitting next to her, wiping her face with a cloth.  
  
"Rachel Cleary?" I ask, as she nods, taking a deep breath. "I'm Abby Lockhart." I tell her, as I shake hands with her husband.  
  
"Tom Cleary." He introduces himself as I set her chart down on the counter. "I thought the other nurse said Dr. Coburn was coming."   
  
I smile as I check her monitors. "She got called in to deliver twins, but don't worry, we still have some time." I assure them, checking to make sure her IV is still set.  
  
He nods as Rachel moans. "I can't do this much longer." She cries, as another contraction starts.  
  
"Breathe through it." I instruct her, as she grabs her husband's hand, I can see her nails digging deep into his skin. "That's it."   
  
I look up at the clock in the room, as the minutes tick slowly by. Luka's at home right now most likely. He has today and tomorrow off. I know he was planning to wait for any trick-or-treaters that came by until I got home. When I called him at 7am, there had already been 3 groups of kids at the door. I had an OB appointment scheduled for 3. He was planning to come with me.  
  
It's another 2 hours by the time I check Rachel again and she's reached 10, ready to push. Dr. Coburn is still in with that woman having twins, so I call for Johnson, who is nowhere to be found.  
  
"Well find me someone, she's ready to push." I tell the woman down the hallway through the phone. "Call Hansen, or Parilla." I order her.  
  
"Why the hell didn't I get drugs?" Mrs. Cleary is screaming, as another wave of pain washes over her. "I swear to god Tom, you're having the next one if you want more." She barks at him.  
  
I laugh in amusement as I pull a fresh pair of gloves on. "Ok, Rachel, when I tell you too, I need you to push ok? The doctor will be here in a few minutes."  
  
She nods as she grabs her husband's hand. "Ok, good. Now.. push."  
  
She's been pushing for about 15 minutes when Dr. Hansen finally arrives. As she pulls a gown on, I continue to coach her, as I see the baby's head begin to crown. "You're doing great." I assure her with a smile, as Dr. Hansen takes place for me.  
  
She screams one final time about 10 minutes later, as I help Dr. Hansen, who's holding the new baby. "It's a boy." I announce, as Tom cuts the cord, and they place the wailing baby on Rachel. She's crying now, and so is Tom. As I watch them, it makes me wonder what it's going to be like for me and Luka. Are we going to cry? Is everything going to go ok?  
  
I take the baby from them and carry him over to the other side of the room where I place him in the small scale. "8 pounds, 8 ounces." I announce, as I lift him, and place him in the bassinet nearby. I grab a baby hat and carefully pull it on his head, as he kicks his legs, staring up at me. "Hey you." I whisper, as I wrap a blanket around his body. "You're a cutie."  
  
I'm about to clock out as I take one last look into their room, to make sure everything's ok. Rachel's already fast asleep; Tom is sitting next to her, the baby in his arms.  
  
"She did great." I tell him, grasping my coat in my arms. I stare down at the baby, making sure he's ok. "Did you guys name him yet?" I ask, adjusting my bag on my shoulder.  
  
Tom nods, not even lifting his head to look at me. He's too busy watching the baby. "Daniel Ryan." He tells me, as the baby's arms flail from the blanket, and he yawns. "Thank you Nurse Lockhart." He says, looking up for a second.  
  
I smile as he looks at me. "Abby." I tell him. "And Congratulations."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
I wave as I turn to leave, and sigh as I step out of the room. Being back up in OB today has made me wonder what it's going to be like. Half of me am so excited about this baby. The thought of him or her excites me more than anything imaginable. But there's half of me that's scared to death. I am scared that somehow, I'll mess up like my mother did. I don't want my child to have to grow up in the kind of family I did. What if I can't do it, what if I'm not cut out to be a mother?  
  
As I reach the elevator, I press the button for the ground floor and lean against the wall as the doors shut. I feel tired enough to fall asleep right here on the floor. Maybe someone will wander by and carry me to a bed. Maybe I should do that; maybe I'll get a little sleep. Because I know as soon as I get home, I won't be able to sleep anymore, I'll be tired, but I won't fall asleep.  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
Nothing should matter  
Not when love grows inside you  
The choice is yours  
There's a miracle in store  
Nothing should matter  
Not when love grows inside you  
A voice of love is crying out  
Don't throw love away  
There's a miracle in store  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
Later that afternoon, it's almost 2;45 as Luka and I arrive at my OB's office. The waiting room is packed with other women, a few with their husbands. Every one of them is visibly pregnant; some have other children with them. There are about 5 of them in a small play area, all dressed in costumes. There's a princess, a pumpkin, and witch, some kind of super hero, and a Dalmatian.  
  
"You ok?" Luka asks me, as I sit next to him after checking in with the receptionist.  
  
"I'm fine, just tired." I reply, as I stare across the room at diagrams on the wall. I've seen them all before, but sitting here they all look so unfamiliar, it all seems so strange.  
  
"Are you excited?" he asks me, as he brushes his hand on top of mine. He's grinning now, I can see he's giddy with excitement.  
  
"Yes." I reply happily, as I take hold of his hand. We're having our first sonogram today, and at 16 weeks, we'll be able to hear the heartbeat for the first time as well. "I'm scared too." I confess.  
  
"I know." He replies, as we discussed this last night. We're both so deathly afraid that something will be wrong, though the chances of something actually being wrong are so slim. "But it'll be ok." He assures me.  
  
We only have to wait about 20 minutes before they call my name and lead me down a long hallway to an exam room. Inside, I find a gown sitting on the exam table, and sigh as I head to change into it. It's a paper gown that makes me feel totally exposed as I walk back out in it. Luka's staring at me, smiling as I hop up onto the table. I try and cover myself as much as possible, which isn't much at all.  
  
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" I ask him, as he continues to smile, and laughs.  
  
"I didn't say anything." He replies, trying to act innocent.  
  
As he says this, Dr. Lindmen walks in, my chart in her hand. She smiles and shakes Luka's hand as she sets the chart down on the counter. "Hello Abby." She greets me.  
  
"Hi." I reply, as she immediately begins asking me a thousand questions.  
  
"How has the morning sickness been?" she asks, a pen in her hand.  
  
"It's pretty much gone." I tell her, as Luka watches me, my feet dangling off the side of the table. "Except now I have insomnia."  
  
She's nodding, writing notes on some paper. "Ok, that's normal. How about weight gain?"  
  
Luka's standing next to me now, as I stare at the floor. "I've gained about 10 pounds." I tell her, looking at Luka's sneakers.   
  
After what seems like another 25 questions, she's finally done and I'm lying on the exam table. She's covered me with one of those horrible blue sheets and my gown is pulled up, my stomach exposed to the world. Luka's got my hand wrapped in his now, he's grinning more than I've ever seen him do before. She's got the ultrasound machine pulled over now, fiddling with some buttons.  
  
"You guys ready?" she asks, as she turns the machine on.  
  
Luka nods excitedly, as she pressing the machine to my stomach. It only takes her a few seconds before she stops moving it and turns the screen. "There's your baby." She tells us, pointing to the screen.  
  
Luka's squeezes my hand excitedly. "Our baby Abby." He says, staring at the screen. I'm staring too, amazed at what I see. This isn't some other woman's baby that I'm looking at while examining her. This is my baby. It's Luka's baby, our baby.  
  
"Does everything look ok?" I ask, as we both continue to stare. I can see its heart beating; I can make out the baby's head, and its body.  
  
"Looks great." The doctor replies, and she turns the screen off and hands Luka a picture. "This is for you." She tells us, as she grabs a small Doppler and turns that on. "Now, do you want to hear the baby's heartbeat?"  
  
Luka and I don't answer; we both just nod as he looks at the picture in his hand. His hand is still wrapped around mine, and he's grinning wider and wider. He leans over and kisses me as the sound of the heartbeat fills the room.  
  
"That's a good steady heartbeat." Dr. Linden tells us, as she runs the machine over my stomach. "Everything looks great."   
  
"That's great." I reply, as she pulls my gown down and I sit up.  
  
"Now, Abby. I want you to continue to take the prenatal vitamins. Everything looks great so far, I want you to keep it that way ok?" she tells me, as if I'm stupid.  
  
I nod as Luka helps me off the table. The floor is like ice as I shuffle toward the bathroom and yawn as I open the door. I can hear her telling Luka to make another appointment in about a month as I get changed. When I step back out, Luka looks ready to break into song and dance as he wraps his arm around me. He's got the picture in his hand, and is gripping it for dear life.  
  
"This is going on the refrigerator." He tells me as we walk toward the car. He opens the door for me, and kisses me as I move to get inside. "It's our baby Abby."  
  
I laugh as I kiss him and wrap my arms around him. "I guess you're excited?" I ask, as I again yawn.  
  
He nods happily as he makes his way around to the driver side and climbs in. "You've made me the happiest man in the world." He tells me, as he starts the car.  
  
I smile as we pull away. Luka's humming as we drive along. I can only imagine what he's thinking right now. This baby has excited him more than I could imagine. I know that he can't wait for it to get here. He talks about it every night, how he isn't going to leave my side. He wants to make sure he's there more than anything. He told me that he missed both Jasna and Marko's births. Jasna had been born by C-Section, and even though he was a doctor, they had not allowed him in the delivery room. And Marko had come so fast he told me, that by the time Danijela had called the hospital to tell him to come home, Marko was born, in their kitchen with the help of their neighbor.  
  
I catch him sometimes at night, when he thinks I'm asleep. He's down next o my stomach, whispering things to it. Talking to the baby about different things, like what I look like, or telling it different stories about him or me. I never tell him that I see him, I'm afraid if he knows I hear him, he'll stop. I don't want him to stop.  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
How could I let go of a miracle  
Nothing could ever take its place  
Thought I was looking  
Out for myself  
Now it seems the pain  
Is all that I have gained  
I wonder if I could be your miracle  
I wonder if I could spare you pain  
Seems as though nothing will comfort me  
Less today I pray  
That you should come listen  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
After we arrive at home, I feel as if I'm about to pass out. I am so tired; I could fall asleep standing up if I had to. Luka wandered into the kitchen for a moment, to see if there was anything we needed to buy for dinner. While he's gone, I fall into the armchair and wait for him, my head resting on the arm as I wait.  
  
When he returns, he sees that I am really exhausted, and he picks me up and gently carries me to the bed. He lays my head gently on the pillow and then rips his shirt off. He kisses me softly and I pull him closer to deepen the kiss. He probes my mouth with his tongue and I in his.  
  
Carefully, he picks my head up to remove my shirt as he continues to kiss me passionately. He cups my breast with one hand and kisses the other. He slowly unzips my pants and removes them along with my underwear. He finds what he knows will put me into orbit. He caresses my clit with his lips and I can see him stare, as my nipples get hard. I watch him as he takes two of his fingers and inserts them slowly.  
  
I moan as he does this, he's moving so slowly. All this slowness is driving me crazy! I want to take charge and make mad love to this man! But, God, I love what he is doing to me!  
  
"Oh Luka." I moan, as he continues. I'm gripping the pillow behind my head to keep from going crazy as I close my eyes. "Oh God!" I cry, squeezing the pillow. I know Luka is throbbing in his pants, I can feel it as he is on top of me.  
  
"Oh god Luka!" I cry again, as I feel my mouth getting moist. He knows I'm reaching my climax and he begins to probe harder and faster. I cry out again in ecstasy as he begins working his way up my body. As he does, I find my way down to his crotch and unzip his pants, revealing his hardened penis.  
  
He's planting kisses all over me. My pelvis, up to my stomach, my ribs, my breasts. I reach down and grab hold of him, as I kiss him. He starts moaning in delight as soon as I do. I wrap my mouth around him and I can tell he loves it. Up and down I go as I watch his reaction. I'm teasing him, he hates when I do that.  
  
I take over, as I turn him around and lay on top of him. I am in complete control as I pin him to the mattress. I smirk as he watches me, and I lower myself onto him, slowly up and down. I watch as he closes his eyes and opens them again. He's watching my breasts rock.  
  
"You're beautiful Abby." I hear him mumble, as I lose myself. I throw my head back and moan. I continue to lower myself onto him, and finally lean over, kissing him. He's moaning in Croatian, I can understand when he says he loves me.  
  
I can feel him getting harder, and I know he's ready to come. I start pumping faster and faster, as I feel him come inside of me. As he does, I collapse on top of him, sighing as I lay my head on his chest.  
  
"I love making love with you Luka." I whisper, as we both sigh with exhaustion, and contentment.  
  
"I love you," he says, as he runs his finger up and down my back.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
+++++++++  
  
Don't ever throw away your miracle  
Don't let it slip away  
Nothing should matter  
  
+++++++++  
  
  
4/15/01   



	6. Bonheur Trompé- Part 6 (NC-17)

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 6*  
by Kelly  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.  
  
The music in this story is "Have I Told You Lately" by Rod Stewart  
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
Writer's Notes: Part 6 is written from Luka's POV. I got such positive feedback from having part 5 in Abby's, I've decided I may try this again with a later part. Also, after yet another chat over at the club, I have decided to write another NC-17 scene. Please be warned.   
  
WARNING; This fanfiction is rated NC-17. So I have warned you, if you are under 17, or feel you cannot deal with sexual situations, don't read this.   
  
TRANSLATIONS: There are some translations you may need in Croatian, and in French for this story.  
  
French:  
  
Je suis Claire: I am Claire  
Je suis Abby: I am Abby  
Quel est l'importer?: What is the matter?  
Mon estomac, il endommage beaucoup: My stomach, it hurts very much  
Où est-ce qu'il endommage?" : Where does it hurt?  
Je pense que vous avez: I think you have  
  
Croatian:  
  
Ugoditi: Please  
Moj Bog: My God  
Volim te: I love you  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Have I Told You Lately that I love you?  
Have I told you there's no one else above you?  
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do.  
  
+++++++++++++++++  
  
Her chest moves slowly up and down as she sleeps, I can hear her breathing as I watch. She's lying on her back; her face is turned toward me. She looks so peaceful when she's a sleep, she reminds me of how Danijela looked. I don't exactly know why, because she looks nothing like Danijela. Danijela was tall, with dark curly hair that was all the way down her back. Abby isn't tall at all, only about 5'3", and her hair is short, and lighter than Danijela's was.  
  
She's starting to get bigger now; you can tell she's pregnant when you look at her. Her stomach has grown considerably over the past few weeks. She's outgrown everything now, aside from a few pairs of elastic waisted pants she owns. Even her scrubs don't fit anymore, and she's had to go buy bigger one's. Her muscles are starting to bother her, especially her legs and back. Even her face now, it has that look of being pregnant. It's getting chubby, and she has that glow some people say pregnant women get. I can't remember ever seeing Danijela have it, but Abby does.  
  
I'm getting more and more excited each day, as I watch her get up in the morning, bigger than she was when she went to sleep. It still seems not real, that I'm going to be a father again. I never thought it would happen, I was always afraid to let it happen. I don't know what I would do if I lost another child, or Abby. I know I watch her constantly, and I know she grows tired of my constant pestering, but I just want to make sure everything is ok, that everything will be ok.  
  
++++++++++++++++  
  
For the morning sun in all it's glory,  
Meets the day with hope and comfort too,  
You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better,  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do.  
  
++++++++++++++++  
  
"Abby, you need to take it easy." I find myself calling to her, again later that evening. She won't listen, most women won't I guess. She's been running around all day, again. I told her to take it easy at work, that she doesn't have to do everything. But even when I say it, she ignores me. It also doesn't help that Kerry runs her ragged everyday.  
  
"Luka, I'm ok." She assures me, as she pushes a small child in a wheelchair toward the bank of elevators.  
  
I sigh, grabbing a chart for a patient in exam 4 and walk down the hallway with that in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other. Entering the exam room, I find a young woman, maybe 20 in the hospital bed, with an older man, possibly 40 sitting in a chair nearby.  
  
"Hello, I'm Dr. Kovac." I greet her, setting the chart on the bed as I pull my stethoscope from around my neck. "What is bothering you ma'am?" I ask.  
  
The woman looks from me to the man, and back to me again. "Je ne parle pas anglais." She tells me, shaking her head.  
  
"Do you speak any English?" I ask the man, whom I figure must be her father or a close relative.  
  
"Je ne comprends pas." He replies, looking helplessly at me.  
  
"Great." I mumble under my breath. It's hard enough for me when a patient speaks Spanish and no English, but I cannot remember having a patient who spoke French ever. "I'll be right back." I tell them, as I go to leave the room, though they don't understand what I just said.  
  
Walking down toward admit, I set the chart down and look around to see who's around. "Do any of you know any French?" I ask desperately, leaning on the counter, knocking an empty coffee cup off and onto the floor.  
  
"Does Je m'appelle a la toilette count?" Dave asks in his usual obnoxious tone leaning down to pick up the cup. "My sister taught me that." He jokes, picking through the charts.  
  
I look helplessly to Lydia and Connie who are standing nearby.  
  
"Sorry, I took Spanish in High School." Lydia replies, walking away toward chairs.  
  
Connie just stares and shakes her head as I sigh. "Fine, can someone call for a translator?" I ask, watching Randi who is playing solitaire on the computer.  
  
"Yeah, I'll get right on it." She mumbles, smacking the mouse with her finger in an attempt to move something.  
  
Turning from the counter, I take the chart with me and walk around back, knowing Randi will call when she is good and ready, in 2 hours. Looking up the extension I need, I pick the phone up and tap the numbers in.  
  
"Who are you calling?" Abby asks, as she reappears, an armful of charts in hand, dumping them into the discharged bin.  
  
"For a translator." I reply, as the voice on the other end of the line tells me to hold on, and I hear the phone click.  
  
"Oh." She replies, as Dave reappears, this time eating some sort of junk food.  
  
"I'm telling you Dr. Kovac, show me the patient, I'll speak all the French you need." He offers, shoving a handful of food into his mouth.  
  
"Dave, even I know what you said before. Go bother someone else." I tell him, as he laughs and walks away, eyeing a young girl that has just walked in, dressed in jeans 2 sizes too small.  
  
"You need a French translator?" Abby asks, pressing her hand against her hip and letting out a sigh.  
  
I nod, tapping my foot impatiently, waiting for them to pick up again on the other end. "Are you ok?" I ask, as I watch her face as she moans.  
  
"Yeah, just a backache." She tells me, as Dr. Romano pushes past, just looking to start trouble. "Luka, hang up the phone." She tells me, taking the chart from my hand.  
  
"I need a translator." I tell her, as Romano walks up next to us, his head goes from me, to Abby.  
  
"Well, Ms. Lockhart, oh excuse me, Mrs. Kovac. It looks like someone's been hoarding the vending machines." Romano snickers as I watch Abby glare at him. He always has to bother someone; I think it must be in his genes.  
  
"Dr. Romano." She says politely, turning back to me. "Luka, hang up the phone. I'll try to translate for you."  
  
"Are you sure you can translate?" I ask her, still on hold, watching as an ambulance pulls up outside and Malucci sprints for the door.  
  
"I got it!" he calls out, rushing outside as they unload the gurney from the ambulance.  
  
"I'll try." Abby replies, turning my attention back to her and the phone. Romano has wandered off, lost interest in pestering her. She reaches over and grabs the phone from my hand, hanging it back on the receiver.  
  
I nod as she starts down the hallway, and I walk fast to catch up with her. We pass by the trauma room and I can see Dave inside with Kerry, Yosh and Lydia. He's pumping on a woman's chest, blood seems to be gushing.  
  
"When did you learn French?" I ask Abby curiously as we turn the corner, standing outside of the exam room.  
  
"In high school." She yawns, covering her mouth with her free hand as her eyes shut. "I don't know how much I remember though."  
  
I grin as I watch her, and we enter the exam room. The woman is now propped up in the bed; she's staring at the wall and an old poster that's on it.  
  
"Claire?" Abby asks, stepping nearer to the bed as the older man watches curiously. His feet are propped up in a chair next to him, and he's sipping a cup of coffee.  
  
"Je suis Claire." The woman replies, looking over to Abby.  
  
"Je suis Abby." She replies, looking over the chart. "Ummm…" she mumbles, I guess she is looking for the right phrase. "Quel est………… Quel est l'importer?" Abby asks, sounding unsure of what she has just asked.  
  
The woman sighs as I watch, looking very relieved someone can understand and speak with her, if only for a limited phrases.  
  
"Mon estomac, il endommage beaucoup." She replies, pressing her hand to her stomach.  
  
"She says something about her stomach hurting." Abby says, turning to me. "I don't know everything she said."  
  
"How do you ask where it hurts?" I ask, moving closer to the bed to exam the woman.  
  
"Où est-ce…." Abby mumbles, smacking her hand on her leg. "Damn it, I know how to say this! Ok, it's… Où est-ce qu'il endommage?"   
  
I nod, turning to the woman and pressing on her belly. "Ma'am, Où est-ce qu'il endommage?" I ask, moving my hand around.  
  
She presses her hand down onto the lower right part of her stomach, and winces as I press harder on it. I nod, pressing on it one more time, as I turn back to Abby.  
  
"Order an ultrasound. I think she has appendicitis." I say, filling out the order on the chart. "Can you tell her that?"  
  
"I don't know how to say appendicitis." She replies, taking the chart and holding it under her arm. "But just tell her that….. Je pense que……. vous avez."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"It means, 'I think you have'." She tells me, turning to leave the room. "Then I guess just say appendicitis."  
  
"Thank you Abby." I say, smiling at her as she leaves.   
  
"It was my pleasure." she jokes, pulling the door open and leaving. I turn back to the woman and tell her what Abby has told me to say. The woman seems to understand what I say, and nods, saying Thank You in English. I guess she must know a few words.  
  
As I turn into the hallway, I watch Abby as she wanders down the hallway, turning toward the bank of elevators. She's got hold of her back again; I know it's been bothering her a lot lately. She needs to rest, I know I think this all the time, but it's true, I wish she would.   
  
++++++++++++  
  
There's a love less defined,  
And its yours and its mine,  
Like the sun.  
And at the end of the day,  
We should give thanks and pray,  
To The One, to The One.  
  
++++++++++++  
  
"Dr. Kovac?" I hear someone call to me later that evening, as a bright light shines in from the hallway. "Dr. Kovac?"  
  
"What is it?" I mumble, pulling my hand to my face, in an attempt to shield my eyes from the light.  
  
"It's 6:00. You've been off for half an hour." The voice calls to me.  
  
"Chuny?" I mumble, my eyes slowly opening and adjusting to the light. I turn my head to see her standing in the doorway of the unlit exam room.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thank you." I groan, struggling to sit up. I reach besides me to the small table for my beeper and clip it to my belt where it is usually kept. Pushing my feet back into my shoes, I grab my lab coat and stumble from the exam room into the hallway. Things are eerily silent, much more than they should be. As I pass by the empty gurneys and wheelchairs, I sigh, realizing that again, as soon as I get off, all of the patients are gone.  
  
"Malucci! I told you to put that damn crutch down! Now I'm not going to say it again without whacking you over the head with it!" I hear Dr. Weaver scream from down the hallway.   
  
"God.." I mumble, as I approach admit, and find Malucci setting the crutch down on a gurney, that slick smile pasted on his face. "Hey, Dr. Kovac, howz about a quick game of wheelchair hockey?"  
  
"I'm going home." I mumble, erasing my name from any left blocks on the board and placing my signed off charts in the bin. "I'll see you tomorrow." I call, walking to the lounge where I quickly pull my coat on and dump my wallet into the pocket. I need to go to the market, Abby asked me to pick up a few things. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I know she wanted to cook something.  
  
"Carrots, stuffing, broccoli.." I mumble as I grab a cart in the grocery store and start wheeling it down the aisles. I have always hated grocery shopping, I never know how much to buy, or what brand to buy of it. Turning down the first aisle, I find shelves and shelves full of junk food. There are cookies and candies and chocolate.  
  
Looking at the list, I know there is none of this on it, but I grab a bag of chocolate chip cookies anyway. They'll be good for when Abby starts having those strange cravings women get. "Carrots." I say again, as I find the vegetable department and look through the table full of them. I finally find a bag that looks ripe enough to me, and throw them in the cart along with a bunch of broccoli.  
  
It takes me awhile to find the stuffing, and even longer to find what kind to buy. They make it to go with practically everything. Soon they'll probably make stuffing to go with your breakfast cereal.  
  
Ice cream, apples, cereal, potatoes, cookies, vegetables, stuffing, corn bread mix, it all goes up onto the check out counter as I stand in line, reading the front pages of magazines. After what seems like a decade, the young boy behind the counter rings my items through and I hand him a bill with some change. Loading the bags into the cart, I push them through the parking lot, in the now pouring rain. It wasn't raining half an hour ago; of course it chooses to begin now.  
  
I just want to get home, I'm tired, achy, and now I'm soaking wet. Pulling out onto the main road, I let out a sigh as I pass by a small accident; someone has driven into a light pole. It doesn't look like anyone is injured though. Thank god… all I need is for an emergency page to come through, and then I'll have to go back… again.  
  
++++++++++++  
  
Have I Told You Lately that I love you?  
Have I told you there's no one else above you?  
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,   
Ease my troubles, that's what you do.  
  
++++++++++++  
  
She's standing over at the counter; I can see the dishtowel in her hands. Her back is to me as I watch her, one of her hands is pressing against her back as she stretches. I hear her moan as I tiptoe toward her, biting my lip to keep from making a sound.  
  
Shit! Luka, you sacred the hell out of me!" she screeches, as I wrap my arms around her neck, and take the dishtowel from her hands.   
  
"Ssshh." I mumble, tossing the towel onto the counter, kissing her neck gently, as I wrap my arms tightly around her chest. "Don't talk." I instruct her.  
  
I hear her laugh as I make my way up to her ear, nibbling on it as she moves to turn around. As she does, I move to her mouth, taking her face into my hands. I close my eyes as my tongue probes into her mouth, around and around.  
  
"Luka." she mumbles, breaking away. "Not here."  
  
I don't respond, I just shake my head pulling her again toward me. I can smell her shampoo as I do. It's a sweet smell of some sort of flower, the same kind she always uses. I can feel she's tense, I know she doesn't want to do this here. Now I pull away, wrapping my arm around her waist.  
  
"Come on." I say, reaching over to turn the stove off quickly, as I pull her towards our bedroom upstairs. As we fumble up the stairs, I'm already at her again, kissing her neck, her lips; I can feel her pulling at my shirt as we push through the bedroom door. She's already pulling my shirt over my head as we reach the bed, and I sit her down slowly, as it comes over my head.  
  
"Luka.." I hear her mumble, as I lean over, falling onto the bed next to her. My arms are around her, and I'm fumbling with the buttons on the back of her shirt. There are only two near the top, but it seems I cannot unfasten them quickly enough. Once they're undone, I pull her shirt over her head, and I again begin to wander.  
  
Down from her lips, kissing her neck, her collarbone, down to her breasts. I can feel her hands running through my hair, as I taste every inch of her, kissing her chest over and over. My hands wander behind her, reaching for the clasp of her bra. I continue to kiss her, as I finally get it unhooked. I pull the two straps off one by one, slowly, watching her face as I do. Down her right arm, now the left, until it's completely removed. Tossing it over toward the TV, I lean down, cupping her breasts in my hands.  
  
"Abby, you're beautiful." I say, as I run my hands over the mounds, latching to her left breast, as I hear her begin to moan. I feel her move, running her hands through my hair, and down my back. Down father, I feel her hands under me now, pulling at my pants, as she pulls them off, as I kick them over to the side, never once stopping.  
  
"Please... Luka." she moans, I know what she wants. I smile as I move down lower, planting kisses on her swelling stomach. Down from her breasts, lower and lower. She's got a pair of pajama pants on, and I easily get them off in one swift motion, revealing a pair of black panties. She's wet already, I can see it. "Luka." she moans again, as my hand wanders down between her thighs, teasing her as I continue to plant kisses on her belly.  
  
I brush the inside of her thighs, pulling her underwear off, as I make my way down further, further. I hear her gasp as I slide one of my fingers inside of her. She is so tight, and lets out another, louder moan as I slide in a second finger. Smiling at her, as she grips to the comforter beside her for support, I lean down, and begin to work, as she calls it, my magic. Taking her special place into my mouth, I begin to move my fingers inside of her. Reaching up, I take hold of her right hand with my free hand, as I hear her breathing becoming heavier.  
  
It isn't long before I feel her grip getting tighter, and I know she's about to come. I start moving faster now, my tongue swirling and fingers moving faster and faster. Her breathing is getting faster, and I feel her stiffen as her grip tightens around my hand. "Oh god Luka!" I hear her moan from the back of her throat, as she comes, louder and louder as I move faster and faster. "Luka!" she cries again, as she falls back against the pillow, as I remove my fingers and make my way up next to her. Lying next to her on the pillow, I wait for her to catch her breath, as my hand wanders down to her stomach, allowing it to rest there.  
  
She moves in closer to me once she's caught her breath, as I wrap my arm around her, pulling her close. "Are you alright?" I ask, pushing a strand of hair from her face.  
  
"Yeah." she whispers, her hand running up and down my chest, her finger tracing the outside of my nipples over and over again. "God Luka." she mumbles, causing me to laugh.  
  
She's smiling as I lean over and kiss her cheek, her hands are wandering now, I can feel them make their way down to my boxers, grabbing my hardness. I watch her carefully as she sits up, moving down the bed, pushing me ever so gently back, her hands already in my shorts, a firm grasp on me. Before I realize what's happening, she's got my boxers off, my hardness in her hands, stroking me up and down.  
  
"Abby..." I mumble, as she teases me, as her mouth goes down on me. Her tongue is moving up and down, tracing the outside of me, up and down, round and round. She starts moving faster, and I can feel myself get hard again. She's taken me into her mouth now; I can feel how warm it is. I'm watching her go up and down, as one of her hands is under me, running up and down my back, to my buttocks. I can feel myself start to come as she sucks harder, I start moaning loudly, and I can see the satisfaction in her eyes. "Ugoditi." I moan, as she continues. It's coming, I can feel it, my eyes are wide open staring at the ceiling........... Then it's gone.  
  
I close my eyes for a second, before looking up and seeing Abby staring at my face, her face wearing a grin of satisfaction.  
  
"Abby." I moan, oh how close I was. She lets out a little giggle as she rests her head on my chest, my arms wrapped around her.   
  
"Don't worry." she whispers, as I run my fingers through her soft hair, brushing it from her face. She is so beautiful, I sometimes wonder to myself how I can take my eyes from her. Her face seems to glow when she smiles, even more so now since she's been pregnant. I lean up, latching my lips to hers once more, my tongue once again swirling within her mouth, and hers in mine. She's got her hands running up and down my arms, as I wrap them around her, and carefully turn her onto her back. I start nibbling on her fingers as I make my way down between her legs, and carefully spread them.  
  
"You ok?" I ask her, positioning myself to enter her. She nods without a word, and slowly I enter her with no problem. She lets out a gasp as I do, arching her back. I grab her hips with my hands as I pull myself out and thrust back in. In and out and in and out. I watch as I see she's about to come, and I feel myself about to explode inside of her. I pick up the pace, moving faster and faster in and out of her, my hands gripping tightly to her as I thrust. It's coming, I can feel it, I begin to breath faster as I feel myself explode inside of her as she starts to moan and I know she's reached her climax as well.  
  
"Moj Bog Abby!" I cry out in Croatian as I come, feeling as if I am exploding. I collapse onto her chest as we both try to catch our breath. I kiss her forehead as I take a deep breath, falling besides her and pulling her close to me. "That was amazing Abby." I tell her, my head resting next to hers. "Volim te" I mumble, taking her hand into mine, playing with her fingers.  
  
"I love you too," she whispers back. And I know she does.  
  
+++++++++++  
  
Have I Told You Lately That I Love you?  
Have I told you there's no one else above you?  
Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,  
Ease my troubles, that's what you do.  
  
+++++++++++  
  
  
04/23/01   



	7. Bonheur Trompé- Part 7

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 7*   
by Kelly   
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.  
  
The music in this story is "The Rape Of The World" by Tracy Chapman   
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
Writer's Notes: I need to warn you all before you read this, I went for VERY heavy angst with this part. Please don't hate me for it, but feedback of any kind is greatly appreciated.   
  
Big thanks to Shannon who gave me the idea for this fic. If she hadn't, I probably never would have gotten a part 7 done. :)  
  
++++++++++++++++++  
  
Mother of us all  
Place of our birth  
How can we stand aside  
And watch the rape of the world  
This the beginning of the end  
This the most heinous of crimes  
This the deadliest of sins  
The greatest violation of all time  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
It had been a painfully long day. 4 trauma's, 2 deaths, dozens of drunken party goers, sick children, children who wanted a day off from school "claiming" they had stomach aches, a horny old man who wanted to rub Abby's nose. The days got worse as the months passed.  
  
After returning home, Abby had immediately gone for the shower, and spent over 40 minutes allowing the hot water to hit her aching body, warm her up from the frigid temperatures outside.  
  
She'd pulled on a pair of fleeces maternity pants and a sweatshirt Luka had found and picked up for her the week before. Wandering in the kitchen, she got herself a glass of warm milk, and settled into the couch. As soon as she had found a comfortable position, the ringing of the phone began.  
  
"Abby Kovac?" a voice on the other end of the phone said, as Abby lifted the phone to her ear.  
  
"Yes?" she replied, pulling a blanket over her legs and changing the TV channel. She watched the screen as the channels went by. Cook shows, cartoons, late night talk shows. Finally stopping at the "Tonight Show", she threw the remote into her lap.   
  
"This is Officer Lewis of the 18th District of the Chicago Police department." He introduced himself, as Abby closed her eyes, only imagining why he was calling her. "Do you know a Maggie Wyzinski?" he asked, as Abby felt a lump form in her throat.   
  
"She's my mother." Abby replied, as she felt her throat tighten, as if she were choking to death. "Is she there?" she asked, her eyes closing, waiting for an answer.   
  
"Your mother was found running, half naked, down Lake Shore Drive. A squad car brought her in. She keeps mumbling something about a Euro Doctor and a man named Eric. We found your number in the bag she was carrying." The cop told her. "No one can get any information out of her."  
  
Abby sighed; the thought of her mother again was unbearable. "Can you just keep an eye on her? I'll be there in a little while." She replied, pulling the blanket off. "The 18th District right?"  
  
"Yes ma'am."  
  
"Ok. Thank you." Abby replied, pushing the button to hang up the phone. As she did, she got herself up off the couch, and found her sneakers that she had tossed near the armchair. Pulling them on, she let out a groan as she attempted to bend over. Only halfway through the pregnancy and her stomach was already in her way.   
  
Shuffling toward the kitchen for her bag, Abby glanced up at the clock and grabbed the phone from the wall. Pressing in the familiar numbers, she put it to her ear.   
  
"Cook County." She heard the voice on the other end say.  
  
"Frank?" she asked groggily, pushing her hair from her face. "Frank it's Abby, can you get Luka for me?" she asked.   
  
"Hold on." Frank replied, as she heard the phone go on hold. It only took a few moments before she heard a voice on the other end.   
  
"Abby?" she heard Luka's voice as she felt her throat still tighten. It felt there were a handball lodged in it, keeping her from breathing.   
  
"Luka, my mom." was all she said to him as she watched the hand on the clock move from the 8 to the 9. Time seemed to be at a standstill. The world had stopped, her mother was back… again.  
  
"Where is she?" Luka asked, his voice growing full of concern. "Is she alright?"  
  
"She's at a police station, apparently off her meds again." Abby spoke slowly, as if she herself were trying to comprehend again what was happening. "They found her running down a street… I have to go and get her."  
  
Abby could hear Luka sigh on the other end of the phone. "Wait for me." He told her. "I'll find someone to cover for me."   
  
"No, I have to go now." Abby replied stubbornly. "I need to go get her."  
  
"Abby, just wait. You can't go get her alone. She's off of her medication, it's late, and it is dark. You aren't going out alone."  
  
"I've lived in Chicago for over 12 years Luka, I can go out by myself. I'm not 10 years old." Abby replied. "Just stay there, I'll call you when I get home."  
  
"Abby, I said I will be home in a few minutes!" Luka said again, catching the attention of Mark and Cleo who were standing nearby. "You cannot go get her alone, it's not safe!"   
  
"Luka, I have to go. If you want, meet me at the 18th District, ok?"  
  
Luka sighed, looking up to the TV that was up in the corner of the ER. "Fine, ok Abby. I will meet you there."   
  
"Ok, thank you Luka." She said, hanging the phone up.   
  
"Yeah, bye." He mumbled, placing the phone down, and looking up to meet the stares of Mark and Cleo.  
  
"Everything ok?" Mark asked, sipping coffee from the large cup in his hands.   
  
Luka just nodded. "Abby's mother is back, again." He sighed. "Abby needs to go get her, and I have to meet her at the police station."   
  
Mark nodded as he sipped from his cup again. "Is she off her medication?" he asked.  
  
"Yes." Was all Luka said. "But I need to go. I am going to try meet Abby before she leaves. I don't want her wandering around this late. "  
  
"Go ahead." Mark assured him. "Things are slow, we should be ok."  
  
"Thank you." Luka replied, as he pushed his way into the lounge, heading for his locker to grab his coat from his locker. As he did, a cold shiver made its way down his spine, a frightening shiver.  
  
+++++++++++  
  
Mother of us all  
Place of our birth  
We all are witness  
To the rape of the world  
  
+++++++++++  
  
"I'm.. dreaming of a white, Christmas."  
  
That was what was softly playing on the radio as Abby drove through the streets on the upper east side of Chicago. Christmas lights were lit brightly in the windows of stores, softly accenting the lines in the roads along with the streetlights that lined them. The headlights from the car behind her shone brightly into the car, seemingly blinding her as she drove along. Turning the car down a darker street, a new song began, as she watched the dark figures of a group of men standing on a corner.   
  
"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Underneath the mistle-toe last night."  
  
Pulling to a stop at a red light, Abby shivered in the cold, frigid air and leaned down to turn the heat up higher. It was happening again, her mother was back. Off her medication, probably depressed, running around like a maniac. The dance was starting again. Abby always hated to dance.  
  
"Then I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus. Underneath his beard so snowy white."  
  
As she sat staring at the traffic light, waiting for it to turn green, Abby closed her eyes for a moment. She just wished that for once it would be a dream. That she's open her eyes and she'd be in bed. Her mom would be in Florida, on her meds, not bothering anyone. But it wasn't a dream, she was back, things were the same as always.   
  
The sound of pounding caused Abby to open her eyes. As she did, she found a large man, pounding fiercely on the window of the driver side door. Harder he pounded, causing Abby to gasp and reach for the automatic lock. But her sudden movement caught the attention of the man and he reached for the door handle, pulling it open before she had the chance to lock it.   
  
"Get out!" he ordered, yelling loudly as she sat screaming. "Shut the fuck up!" he yelled, yanking her by the arm into the street and covering her mouth with his hand.   
  
She mumbled something into his hand and flared her arms attempting to loosen his grip. "Taaathmar." She mumbled, her heart pounding inside her chest.   
  
"This is all you have?" he asked angrily, as his free hand searched through her purse, pulling out a twenty-dollar bill.   
  
Abby nodded, his hand still over her mouth. He looked at her face; she could see the anger in his eyes. Her mind was flashing back now, to over two years earlier. She and Luka, their first date. A man with the pipe.  
  
"Luka, stop!" she called, choking back tears as Luka smashed the man's head into the pavement, harder with each thrash. "Luka, stop!!"  
  
The man who had hold of her now was bigger, he was muscular. Tossing her bag back into the car, he wrapped his free arm around her waste and lifted her into his arms. Removing the hand from her mouth, he growled.  
  
"You make any noise, I'll cut your fucking head off, you hear me?"   
  
Abby just nodded, as she stared up at the night sky, the cold air along with utter fear causing her to shake uncontrollably. The man was moving fast, being careful to move in-between buildings.   
  
"Don't hurt my baby." She whispered as he carried her down a dark alley. "Don't hurt the baby."  
  
The man just snarled, and dropped her from his arms into the alley. Right onto the concrete he dropped her with a thud, as she let out a cry. Pulling her to her feet, he grabbed both of her arms and tugged her through a door into a dark hallway. Pulling keys from his pocket, he unlocked a door and pushed her into the room, locking the door behind her.   
  
"Take my money, the car… I don't care." Abby sobbed, as she fell to the floor in a heap. "Please.." she begged as he moved toward her.   
  
"I thought I told you to keep that fucking mouth shut!?" he screamed, smacking her across the face with his large hand. She let out a yell as he did, and he did it again, and again, and again. "Maybe now you'll listen." He mumbled, as she tried to push him away, shielding her face with her hands. "Don't worry baby, we're going to have fun tonight." The man snarled, pulling his shirt over his head. "Aren't we?"  
  
Abby lifted her head to look at him. He was so tall and big, at least 6 and ½ feet. He had this hatred look on his face, as he moved closer to her. She moved her hand from her face, only to see the blood covering it. Her eye hurt like a son of a bitch, she could feel the swelling begin.   
  
Yanking her again by the arm, he pulled her coat off as she cried out. Tossing it aside, he whacked her across the face again, gripping to her arm tightly. Tight enough to cut off all circulation. His nails dug deep into her skin, causing blood to rise to the surface.  
  
"Please, stop.." Abby sobbed, as he grabbed at her shirt, ripping it down the front and tugging it off. She moved her arms up and down him, punching him all over. But she was so small and weak compared to him, it was hopeless.  
  
"You're quite a piece of work. You think you can hurt me?" he asked, almost laughing. "Maybe you're boyfriend, husband, whoever the fuck he is that knocked you up likes your rough ways, but I don't like it very much." He told her, as he began beating at her again, this time on her chest. Sending punches and slaps at her, she screamed louder as he pushed her back onto a mattress and hit her more.   
  
"Feels good doesn't it?" he asked angrily, giving her one good last whack across the face.   
  
"Please." Abby pleaded more, turning her head, wrapping her arms around her stomach, in an attempt to protect it. "Not the baby."  
  
"Oh, you mean, you don't want me to do this?" he asked, sending one good hard punch to her abdomen, causing her to cry out in pain, and her body to jump. "Oh well, I don't wanna hurt your fucking baby anyway." He said. "You're who I want."  
  
With that phrase, his hands moved down and he pulled her pants off, throwing them against a nearby wall, and moving down to remove his own…..  
  
+++++++  
  
You've seen her stripped mined  
You've heard of bombs exploded underground  
You know the sun shines  
Hotter than ever before  
Mother of us all  
Place of our birth  
We all are witness  
To the rape of the world  
  
+++++++  
  
"Can I help you?" a receptionist at the 18th District asked the tall man who had just appeared before her.   
  
"My wife, her mother was here. She was going to come and pick her up." Luka said, looking up to the clock. "Maggie Wyzinski."  
  
The receptionist turned her head and called for a cop who was standing nearby. "Officer Lewis?" she asked. "This guy said his wife was here to pick up that woman they found wandering, Maggie Wyzinski?"  
  
"I talked to your wife on the phone over an hour and a half ago, Abby Kovac right?" Officer Lewis asked. "She still hasn't arrived."  
  
"Wait, Abby isn't here yet?" Luka asked, his voice suddenly sounding concerned. "She called me and told me she would be coming here right away."  
  
"Well, she hasn't gotten here yet. But if you want, do you want to come see Maggie? Maybe you'll be able to calm her down a bit." The officer suggested.   
  
Luka shook his head. "No, I'm going to go outside. Abby may have gotten held up or maybe something like that." He said, knowing the words weren't coming out correctly.   
  
The receptionist nodded. "Ok, but you can see her whenever."  
  
++++++++  
  
Some claim to have crowned her  
A queen  
With cities of concrete and steel  
But there is no glory no honor  
In what results  
From the rape of the world  
Mother of us all  
Place of our birth  
We all are witness  
To the rape of the world  
  
++++++++  
  
Abby had given up on the begging now, each time she did, he beat on her harder. He had pulled all of her clothing off now and had his arms were wrapped tightly around her arms, holding them down on the bed. He was on top of her, biting on her neck.  
  
She was choking back sobs, as he painfully bit her, smacked her punched her, raped her. Each time he entered her, she would scream and start crying harder. He smacked her stomach, her face, her back. Everywhere he touched he hurt her.  
  
"You're a real bitch you know that?" he said, as he pulled his clothes back on. "But a good ride."  
  
She turned her head away from him as she felt the blood trickle from her nose, her forehead, the cuts in her skin. She could feel the cold air running across her nude body, lying there on the bed, she felt unable to move.   
  
"Oh, so now you're not going to talk, huh?" he asked angrily, pulling her by her arms and tugging her to her feet. Grabbing a t-shirt from a table, he pulled it over her head and lifted her into his arms. "Come on you whore." He mumbled.  
  
Pulling her outside into the cold December air, he carried her down the alleyway and onto a main road. As cars passed them by, he walked carefully in the darkness, making sure to avoid any light what so ever.   
  
"Remember, you scream you die." He told her, as he crossed the roadway and walked past a few stores. "You little fucking whore."  
  
Walking a few more blocks, the sound of police sirens started in the distance. "Shit!" she could hear the man grumble, as he began to walk faster. As the sirens approached, he set her down. "You say anything to anyone before I'm gone, I'll get you, you hear me?" he threatened, smacking her one more time, and pushing her to the ground.   
  
Abby didn't reply, she just watched as the man took one last look at her and began running down the street, before disappearing around a corner. Once she was sure he was gone, she broke down into hysterical sobs as the blood continued to pore from all over her body. She could feel her left eye swelling shut. Her thoughts were not on her though, they were on her baby. She had felt it kick, she knew the baby was still alive, but he had hit her stomach, hard.   
  
"Somebody." She called out, sobbing. "Please, somebody!"  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
She has been clear-cut  
She has been dumped on  
She has been poisoned and beaten up  
And we have been witness  
To the rape of the world  
Mother of us all  
Place of our birth  
How can we stand aside  
And watch the rape of the world  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
Snow had begun to lightly fall by the time Luka had begun to search. He had waited about 15 minutes at the Police Station before starting his own search. Making sure Maggie was in custody and not able to go anywhere, he set out, along with two squad cars. Driving along, he'd called their neighbor Sarah, asking her to check their house, Abby wasn't there. He had beeped her 3 times, and called her on her cell phone, no answer. Now, he was driving up and down the dimly lighted Chicago streets, turning his head to watch all around him.   
  
Luka could feel his heart pounding in his chest and the sweat beads pouring from his forehead. He could feel the fear building inside of him; it felt as if there were sharp knives digging into his stomach. He was scared to death. This was not like Abby at all. She wouldn't just disappear, not calling him, not arriving at the Police Station. He knew something was wrong.  
  
Driving along, he looked at the small groups of people gathered on various corners; smoke pouring from their mouths, beer bottles being smashed. He squinted trying to see their faces, trying to see Abby. His window was rolled down, allowing the cold air to seep into the car as he called her name over and over. He found nothing.  
  
++++++++++++  
  
There were voices; she could hear them calling things out. But, they sounded so distant, as if millions of miles away. She couldn't see anything; she felt she wasn't there, like she were floating.   
  
"Crank up the O2." One of the voices called, as a siren blared. "Her BP's low."  
  
"How much longer?" another voice called, as she could feel something being pulled over her face.   
  
As the two people talked back and forth, she listened. But she still felt she wasn't there. She hurt all over. Her head, neck, arms, chest, legs, everything felt as if it had been torn open.   
  
"Pulling up now!" a voice called, as the vehicle lurched to a stop. She could hear the sirens suddenly shut off, and a click sounded, as a blast of cold air hit her skin.   
  
"What do we got?" a now very familiar voice called, as she could feel her body being moved. She still couldn't wake up; it was like having an out of body experience.   
  
"Approximately 32 year old female, found beaten and possibly raped up by the lake. She had to have been out there awhile, she was wearing only this torn t-shirt. She's hypothermic and unconscious. BP's 90/70, pulse is weak. She looks to be about 22 or so weeks pregnant." One of the many voices rambles off as she felt the gurney being moved through the swooshing doors.  
  
"Jesus Christ." She heard the familiar voice say as she felt a pair of hands wrap something around her arm.   
  
"What is it?" another familiar, now female voice called, as she felt her run up beside them.  
  
"It's Abby." The male voice said. Then it hit her who was talking. Mark.  
  
"Someone page Kovac now!" the female voice called again. "Get her into trauma 1!"  
  
As they rolled her down the hallway, she could feel the distance feeling begin to lessen, as she managed to open one eye. Looking up, everything was one big blur. She could see a green spot hovering over her.   
  
"Abby." Mark said, shining a bright light into her eye. "Abby, can you hear me?" he asked.  
  
Trying to turn her head, Abby let out a moan as the taste of her own blood entered her mouth, the neck brace preventing her from turning her head. She could feel the tears start again, the warmth falling down her face.  
  
"The baby." She whispered through the tears, her throat feeling as if it were being squeezed. "Mark.."  
  
"We've got you on a monitor." Mark assured her, as two nurses began to remove the t-shirt. "So far, everything looks ok. The baby's fine." He assured her. "Haleh, I want a CBC, Chem 7, CT, facial series." He ordered. "No, wait." He stopped her, as he took hold of Abby's arm and she let out a sob. "Get a complete set of x-rays, whoever did this got her good."  
  
"My mom." Abby cried, her voice sounded as if it were gone, she was struggling for her air. "Where's Luka?' she moaned.   
  
"We're paging Luka honey." Connie assured her. "Dr. Weaver sent Carter to go get your mom." She informed her. Abby watched as she turned to Mark, and grabbed the chart. "Do you want a rape kit?" she asked quietly as Abby watched Mark nod.  
  
"Abby, does this hurt?" Cleo asked, as she held her hands behind Abby's neck, removing the collar.   
  
"No." Abby whispered, choking back another sob.  
  
"Ok." Cleo said, removing the collar. "Chuny, get an ultrasound in here." She ordered. "Abby, we're just going to take a look at the baby ok?"  
  
"He hit me.." Abby said, as the tears fell. "My stomach… he hit it." She sobbed.  
  
Cleo nodded and pushed her hair from her face. "Ok, we'll take a look." She said assuringly. "It'll be ok."   
  
++++++++++++++++  
  
Mother of us all  
Place of our birth  
How can we stand aside  
And watch the rape of the world  
  
++++++++++++++++  
  
He barely managed to turn the car off before he had jumped out of it and ran into the ER. Not stopping to ask where she was, he ran straight to the trauma rooms, and pushed through the door. He found the gurney turned, a sheet draped over Abby, Dr. Weaver doing a pelvic with Haleh's assistance.   
  
"Abby." He cried, running over to her. He looked at her, and felt his knees start to buckle. Her face was swollen and bruised, her left eye completely swollen shut. There were cuts bleeding, bruises turning purple. There were marks all over her neck, looking as if someone had tried to choke her. He couldn't begin to imagine what it looked like under the gown. Her face was turned to the side, as Dr. Weaver worked below.  
  
"There's semen." Kerry said softly, taking a swab and handing it to Haleh.   
  
"Abby, oh god Abby." Luka said, a lump forming in his throat. He took hold of her hand, seeing that her other was already set in a cast. There looked like there were cigarette welts up her arm, along with deep lacerations and bruises.   
  
"Luka." She sobbed, turning to face him. "Luka, I'm so sorry." She cried, as he brushed the tears from her face. Pressing too hard, she let out a small yelp, and sobbed again.   
  
"Oh Abby." He whispered. "You don't have to be sorry."   
  
She tried to catch her breath as Kerry stood up, handing the last of the swabs to Haleh. "I told him no Luka, but he grabbed me. The baby… he hit my stomach.." she sobbed. "I told him no…. he pulled my clothes off." She cried as the events of the past hours came rushing back, sending her into a hysterical fit of sobs.   
  
Luka felt his heart rip in two as she cried. He carefully wrapped his arms around her, making sure to keep from hurting her even farther. "It isn't your fault." He said soothingly. "It's ok, you didn't do anything."  
  
As he comforted her, he watched the baby monitor that was set next to the bed. The monitor was reading all normal signals; the attack hadn't hurt the baby. But it had hurt Abby. It had hurt her in so many ways, in so many places.   
  
"He raped me." She cried, her head pressed against Luka's body, as she began to shake uncontrollably. "I told him to stop, I tried." She cried. "I tried…"  
  
Kerry stood near the trauma room doors watching as Luka attempted to calm her down. A police detective stood outside, talking with Cleo about what they had found. He was writing notes on a pad of paper, and kept looking up through the glass, and back down.   
  
As Kerry pushed her way out into the hallway, she was immediately stopped by the detective.   
  
"Dr. Weaver?" he asked, looking at her, as she brushed a strand of hair from her face.   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"I really need to talk with the victim. The sooner we speak with her, the better of a chance we have of catching the man who did this."  
  
Kerry just stood staring at him, nodding. "I know, just give them a few minutes ok? Her husband's here now. He's trying to calm her down."  
  
+++++++++++++  
  
Later that night, the snow continued to fall lightly outside of the hospital, dusting the street with a white blanket. Upstairs in the ICU, Abby lay fast asleep in her bed, hooked up to many monitors, IV's poking out from each hand. Luka sat next to her, his hand wrapped around hers, watching her as she slept.   
  
The room was silent, aside from the constant dull beep coming from the fetal monitor hooked up to her stomach. Her lacerations had been cleaned and dressed, broken arm cast, and a badly sprained knee splinted. As he watched her, he was reminded of so many injured people he had seen over the years. She looked like she'd been to war, and been defeated.   
  
"How is she?" a voice whispered in the darkness, as Luka looked up to see a tall figure standing in the doorway.   
  
"They sedated her." Luka whispered, rubbing his fingers on her hand. "She's doing as well as she can be."   
  
"Is the baby ok?" the man asked, moving into the room, closer to the bed. He held two cups of coffee in his hands, and handed one cup to Luka.   
  
Luka nodded slowly, never removing his eyes from Abby. "The baby is ok. But Abby has a broken arm, a badly sprained knee, and lots of lacerations and bruises."  
  
"He raped her?" the man asked, fiddling with the lid of his coffee cup.  
  
"Yes." Luka whispered, himself fighting to keep the tears back. He felt as if he were choking, gasping for air. "I want to kill the bastard that did this to her." He said, his voice turning to one of anger. "She didn't deserve this. He hurt her….. he hurt her more than anyone should ever be hurt."  
  
"They'll find him." Carter assured him, sipping the coffee. "They'll find him, and they'll put him away."  
  
"Why Abby?" Luka mumbled, staring at her beaten, bruised face. "Why?"  
  
++++++++  
  
If you look you'll see it with your own eyes  
If you listen you will hear her cries  
If you care you will stand and testify  
And stop the rape of the world  
Stop the rape of the world  
Mother of us all  
Mother of us all  
Mother of us all  
Mother of us all  
  
  
05/01/01   



	8. Bonheur Trompé- Part 8

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 8*  
by Kelly   
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.   
  
The music in this story is "The Burning Red" by Machine Head   
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
Writer's Notes: Follows Part 7 immediately. Still heavy angst.   
  
Big thanks to Carolina and Shannon who give me great idea's and take a look at these fics before they're done, telling me how I'm doing! Thanks guys!!  
  
Translations:  
  
Hvala Bogu- Thank God  
  
Abby, Je te cuti njemu? dijete je u redu.- Abby, did you hear him? The baby is ok.  
  
Abby, Ja sam na taj nacin alostan JA ondje. Taj covjek, Ja htijenje nalaz njemu. policija, oni htijenje nalaz njemu. Mi cemo imati njemu uhititi, on ne zasluiti biti slobodan.- Abby, I am so sorry I wasn't there. That man, I will find him. The police, they will find him. We will have him arrested, he does not deserve to be free.  
  
+++++++++++++  
  
I see the sun begin to rise  
And I'm wounded I've seen the world from painted eyes  
That I'm crying through I watch the darkness hit the tides  
And confide in... Hold On  
  
++++++++++++++++  
  
The IV dripped slowly, down from the bag, through the tubing. Slow, slow, slower into her arm, through the needle taped to her skin. The clear fluid running through her body, keeping her hydrated. Her hands were like ice as she lay there, still sleeping. He had both of his hand wrapped firmly around her unbroken left hand, holding it tight, as if he wouldn't, she would disappear. The fetal monitor continued to beep dully, and he listened to it each time. Beep… beep. beep… over and over, the paper from it slowly feeding to the floor.  
  
The light from the hallway shone into the dark room, Luka making sure the lights were kept off, he wasn't in the mood for them to be on. His head was set on the bed, next to her bruised body. His eyes were staring into the darkness, his mind off in a place far away, away from the next chapter of shit he didn't need in his life.  
  
"Dr. Kovac?" a voice called through the darkness, the sound of a cart being rolled into the room. "Dr. Kovac?"  
  
The voice called him from his daydream, and he lifted his head, peering over Abby's extended stomach. "Yes?" he asked, the sound of anger, exhaustion, and sadness a mixture in his voice.  
  
"I'm Dr. Vetter." The man introduced himself. "I've got to do an ultrasound, see how the baby looks." He said, wheeling the cart closer to the bed. Luka didn't respond, he just held Abby's hand tighter, and looked at her face. The swelling was much more profound now, her eye was a dark purple color; the cuts on her face covered her forehead and cheeks. Bruises on her nose, by her other eye.  
  
As the doctor lifted her gown to her chest, Luka swallowed, taking a look at her stomach. As with her arms, there were two more cigarette burns, and a large bruise. Abby had said the man had punched her stomach, but Luka had no idea how hard he actually had. He bit his lip as the monitor was turned on, and the doctor fiddled with the settings.  
  
"Abby…" Luka whispered, watching as the screen lit up. The gray white and black flood the screen, looking like rippled waves until the form of the baby was clear.   
  
"Good presentation." Dr. Vetter whispered, moving the probe around her stomach.   
  
"Did that bastard hurt the baby?" Luka asked, turning his head back and forth from the screen to Abby.   
  
"Everything looks ok." He replied, turning the screen. "The head, arms, legs.." he said, pointing the features out. "There's a normal amount of amniotic fluid, and the heart rate is strong."  
  
Luka just nodded, as the screen went dark and Abby's stomach was wiped clean. Squeezing Abby's hand tight, he moved closer to her face, watching as she continued to sleep. "Hvala Bogu." He whispered. "Abby, je te èuti njemu? dijete je u redu." He spoke in Croatian. He knew Abby wouldn't understand, but it made him feel safe speaking in a language no one around him could understand.  
  
"We're going to keep the fetal monitor on until she's released, but everything looks good." Dr. Vetter assured Luka.   
  
"Thank you." Luka said in a voice with absolutely no emotion. He didn't feel like speaking with anyone, doctors, nurses, anyone. He wanted to be alone with Abby. He wanted to find out what the man had looked like, he wanted to find him, cause him the pain he deserved.   
  
"Abby, Ja sam na taj naèin žalostan JA ondje. Taj èovjek, JA htijenje nalaz njemu. policija, oni htijenje nalaz njemu. Mi æemo imati njemu uhititi, on ne zaslužiti biti slobodan." He whispered.  
  
His body was at the point where he wanted to explode. His emotions were running harder and faster than they had in years. He wanted to scream, run and find the man who hurt Abby. He wanted to pin him against a wall and hit him, punch him, make him bleed and suffer. He wanted to break down and cry. Looking at Abby was almost unbearable. The bruises, the cuts, the burns, knowing she had been raped, knowing that she had done everything she had done to stop it. He could just imagine in his head, hearing the screams of her saying to stop, to leave the baby alone, to leave her alone.   
  
He took his hand and began to brush the few strands of hair from her face, being careful not to hit a bruise. As he did, he swallowed again, staring at the damage that had been done….  
  
+++++++++++  
  
I'm falling  
Can't breathe anymore  
The ocean has opened  
These scars need to heal  
Caress the needle prick in my eye  
  
++++++++++++  
  
The tea kettle sat on the stove; the heat turned high, slowly causing the water to boil. The steam had begun to rise, the bubbling began.   
  
"Are you sure you haven't found anyone matching the description yet?" Luka asked, standing near the refrigerator nearly a week later. Looking out the window, he saw the piles of snow pushed up against the fence, pushed by the wind.   
  
He sighed, listening as the detective on the other end of the phone spoke. His eyes turned to the hallway outside the doorway, where he could hear footsteps shuffling down on the carpet.   
  
"Are you even trying to find this man?" he asked angrily, his voice rising. "He raped my wife and all you say is you are looking? How many people are looking?"  
  
He could feel his blood pressure rising as the conversation went on, he was getting more and more annoyed by the minute. The wind howled outside, the sky darker than it had been just a few minutes earlier. It was due to snow again, possibly another foot.  
  
"I want him found and put away for the rest of his life!" Luka growled. "If I ever see that man free when he is caught, I will be the next man you are looking for." He said, before hanging the phone up.   
  
Dumping the few dirty dishes in the sink into the dishwasher, he slammed the door and started up the stairway, looking into the living room as he went. Dirty laundry sat on the couch, waiting to be thrown in a laundry basket and into the washing machine.  
  
"Abby?" he called, pushing the bedroom door open. He found her sitting in their bed, staring out the window at the snow that was falling. "Abby?" he called again.   
  
She didn't answer, she just turned her head to watch him, watch him as he walked toward her. Her hair was a mess; it hadn't been brushed since she left the hospital. She was dressed in a large pair of Luka's sweat pants and a maternity sweatshirt that was stained with her tears and blood. One of the wounds on her arm had opened and begun to bleed the night before. Not caring, she had allowed the blood to seep into the shirt, staining it permanently.   
  
"Do you need anything?" he asked gently, taking a seat on the bed next to her. He wanted to reach out and touch her face, but knew he couldn't. Anytime his hands went near her she pushed them away, turning her head. "You should eat something."  
  
"No." she mumbled, never turning her focus from the window. "I'm not hungry."  
  
"You haven't eaten all day." Luka replied, his tone much gentler with her than it had been only moments earlier on the phone. "You need something."  
  
Abby didn't answer; she just turned her head slightly to look at him. She wore a look of unhappiness, of defeat. Her eyes had lost the sparkle they use to have. Two beautiful, dark, sparkling eyes that had been there only weeks earlier had been left two empty holes.   
  
"Please Abby." He begged, moving his arm slow and carefully over to her hand. He touched it with his own, and she immediately pulled away.   
  
"Go away Luka." she said, turning away again. "Go away."  
  
"I can't go away." He replied, picking a towel up off of the floor. "Abby, please."  
  
"I said go away."  
  
"You need to eat. For you…. And the baby."   
  
"Go away."  
  
++++++++++++  
  
The tears fell like rain  
I've rode the phoenix as she glides  
And I've gone insane I've seen the light of suicide  
And I'm dying Hold on,  
  
++++++++++++  
  
"Go home, I'll get Dr. Malucci or Dr. Finch to cover for you." Mark said early that evening a few days later.   
  
"No, I can stay." Luka replied, carrying an armload of charts. "They have already covered for me too many times."  
  
Mark shook his head. "No, go home." He ordered. "I know Abby isn't talking much, and she won't let you touch her. But both you and I know that you being there will help her heal faster."  
  
"How is Abby doing?" Deb asked, walking up to the admit area.   
  
Luka sighed, shutting his eyes tight, placing the charts down on the counter. As soon as he did, he could see her. Laying in their bed, wrapped in a blanket, the dark bags under her eyes, staring out the window. It was all she did, looked out the window, and took showers. In the time before he had gone to work she had taken 4, each time bringing a new bar of soap with her. Each time, after emerging, the entire bar was gone.  
  
"She is doing ok." Luka lied, pulling his stethoscope from around his neck. "I am going to go home." He said. "Are you sure you do not mind covering?"   
  
"Go." Mark replied. "We've got it."  
  
Nodding silently, Luka made his way to the lounge where he pulled his coat on and slammed his locker shut. As he escaped from the confining area of the hospital, he took a deep breathe of the late December air. He watched his breathe as it escaped from his mouth in a large puff of smoke and began to walk. Down the path, up the stairs, onto the El train. He didn't bother sitting, he just grabbed hold on a pole and waited for the train to start.  
  
Watching the city go-bye, the anger again began to build. He watched as many happy couples went by, their arms full of shopping bags, full of Christmas presents. There were little children with their parents, shrieking with delight as they pointed out Christmas decorations, or toys they wanted in store windows.  
  
When he reached his stop, he got off the train quickly and started jogging quickly toward the building. The patter of his hard soled shoes hit the pavement with great force, pat, pat, pat, pat…….   
  
The warm heated air hit him as he stepped inside, catching his breath as he looked around. The main room was packed with many people. Some teenagers, many homeless people, everyone looked ticked off at the world. Walking toward the counter that sat near the far end, Luka pulled his jacket closed around him.   
  
"I need to speak with Sergeant Billings." Luka said, staring at the small woman that sat behind the counter, a cup of coffee in one hand, a pencil in the other.   
  
"He's busy right now. You can take a seat over there." She instructed him, pointing toward a bench already occupied by a woman who appeared to be a hooker.   
  
"No, I need to speak with him now!" Luka replied, his voice growing, the anger becoming apparent.   
  
"I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to wait."  
  
"I am sick of waiting! Wait for him, wait for her, wait for us to find the man who did this, wait for us to find him, do not go looking yourself, I will not wait anymore!" he said, smashing his fist on the counter top. The anger in his eyes was now apparent, as he leaned toward her.   
  
"Just… hold on a minute." She mumbled, standing up and walking toward the back through a doorway.  
  
As she did, Luka looked up to meet the gaze of an older woman who was staring at him, her eyes wide, as if she were shocked at his sudden outburst. He just watched her for a moment, the anger burning at his heart, up his throat. His chest hurt with the anger that built, pressing on him like a weight.   
  
"What?" he snapped, the old woman's face fell, and she quickly turned away.   
  
"Dr. Kovac." A voice called, his voice sounded as if he were almost expecting him, and in no mood to see him. The man walked over to him, his hand settling on the counter top. "I thought we spoke earlier.'   
  
"We did." Luka replied, the weight still in his chest, his voice raspy and mean. "But I thought possibly you had found him."  
  
"Dr. Kovac, as I said before, when we find the man, or even a suspect, we will call you right away." The police officer replied. "I know how difficult these past 2 weeks have been, but we're doing everything we can."  
  
"If you were doing everything you could, you would have found the son of a bitch." Luka shot back, feeling ready to hit something, or someone.   
  
"Dr. Kovac. This is Chicago. There are hundreds of crimes committed every week. We cannot possibly keep all of our officers out there looking for one man. I told you earlier, and yesterday, and the day before that. We have sent out warnings, posted the mans description and we are on 24 hour alert. Now I'm sorry, but that is all we can do for now"  
  
"If this were your wife, you would have every cop in this city out there trying to find the man who hurt her." Luka replied, squeezing his palm inside of his coat pocket. "But my wife, it is not as important right?"  
  
"We'll call as soon as we hear anything." He replied, starting to walk away. "I am sorry about your wife, and we're trying to find the man who did this, I promise you."  
  
"Yeah, ok." Was all Luka said, turning away. "I'll find the man myself and take care of him if I need to."   
  
++++++++++++++  
  
I'm falling  
Can't breathe anymore  
And the Ocean has opened  
These Scars need to heal  
Hold on I'm falling, can't reach... reach...  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
"Away in a manger, no crib for a bed…."  
  
The fire crackled in the fireplace, sending ashes through the chimney, and out over the screen onto the carpet. The smell of the fire could be smelled throughout the first floor, it made the house seem cozier than it was… like a house you'd see in a children's book. Where the family lives happily-ever-after in the forest drinking cocoa.  
  
Christmas lights were glittering as the plug was fed to the socket, lighting them, making them twinkle on the floor where they were rolled in a huge knot. Next to them sat a large box of ornaments, along with strands of garland thrown about.  
  
Before long, the strands of lights were strung around the tall tree, lighting the room full of color. They twinkled in the dim light, reflecting off of the TV screen and glass doors on the entertainment center.   
  
"How do they look?" Luka asked, taking a step back from the tree to look at them.  
  
Abby sat on the nearby couch, her legs covered by a thick, dark blue blanket. Behind her was a bulky pillow, her back pressed against it. Without a word, she just nodded, shifting her position with a small groan.  
  
"Is that a yes?" Luka asked, watching her, flashing her a small grin. "Come on, come and help me hang some of the ornaments."  
  
He reached into the box and pulled out a small green, glass blown ornament and hung it on a nearby branch. Reaching for another, he pulled out a glass ball, tinted a red color, with a silver inscription on the side.  
  
"Here Abby." He said, moving closer to her, offering her the ornament. He read the side as he handed it away, the inscription reading Abby's 1st Christmas- December 25, 1971.   
  
She took it into her hands and didn't even glance at her. Her eyes were fixated on the glimmering tree lights; she was again in a daze.  
  
"Abby?" he said, attempting to grab her attention.   
  
She again ignored him; he could see the tint of a red bulb tinted in her eye. She dropped the ornament into her lap, the blanket catching it, keeping it from shattering.   
  
"Abby?"  
  
"The star was always Eric's job." She whispered, her left hand fumbling with the ends of the blanket, rubbing it through her fingers.  
  
Luka nodded, watching as she opened her mouth to speak again. Her lips were chapped, cracked open and the bottom was bleeding. He waited for her to continue, that one sentence had been more than she had said in 3 weeks.  
  
"When we were really little, we would make ornaments at school." She continued. "But the tree was always really small." She mumbled.  
  
"You made ornaments?" Luka asked, grinning.   
  
"One year I got this stuffed dog…" she continued to mumble. "He was brown with a white patch… I named him Frankie."  
  
Luka nodded again, watching as she continued to stare at the tree lights. Her face was even sadder than it had been; her hand was gripping tightly to the blanket, squeezing it, biting her lower lip.   
  
"Do you still have the dog?" he asked quietly, attempting to become involved in the conversation she was mumbling to herself.  
  
"Maggie never liked Christmas….. she always stayed in her room. When I was little, I always cried because Santa never came to my house, I thought he hated me. All the other kids got presents from Santa, got to sit in his lap in the mall.. I never got that. Eric cried so hard one year I had to tell him that Santa did come, that he came down the chimney but remembered that he forgot to feed his reindeer. And he bought it… he stopped crying and said that if the reindeer were hungry they needed food, he didn't need presents."   
  
Luka swallowed, he was afraid to respond now. If he spoke, he was afraid she would stop talking; he wanted to hear her voice. He just watched her as her face remained in the icy, sad state, she was still in that daze, as if Luka weren't there at all.  
  
Suddenly her body grew stiff, her voice became ragged, as if her throat were closing up. A look of pure terror washed over her face, her grip on the blanket became so hard her hand was turning a sickly shade of white.   
  
"That night.." she stuttered, her eyes growing wide. "I was at the light… the radio was on."  
  
"Wait.." Luka began, as she continued.  
  
"I just closed my eyes for a second, my back hurt.. I was tired.."  
  
"Abby…" he said, moving closer to her. "Abby, you don't have to.."  
  
"There was a pounding sound, and then he opened the door." She struggled to get out, coughing as she continued. "He grabbed my arms…. And he pulled me out of the car."  
  
"It's ok Abby. You don't have to tell me." Luka said, pulling himself up onto the couch, knocking a strand of garland to the floor.   
  
"It was so dark… there was an alley.." she mumbled. "He pulled me in the building.. and he took his clothes off."  
  
Luka stared hard at her, as her eyes turned glassy, the wrinkles in her forehead scrunching, as if she were thinking deeply. She took a deep breath; he watched her swallow hard, still staring into the tree.   
  
"He hit me, and he pulled off my shirt……" she struggled to say, as she began to gasp for air. "He hit the baby, and my face….. and then he grabbed my pants and tugged them off."   
  
"Abby, it's ok." Luka comforted her. "Abby."  
  
The Christmas lights continued to twinkle brightly, the music playing softly from the radio on the end table. The dull humming filled the room, as the colored lights danced on the walls.   
  
"Then he hit me again.. and he burned me."   
  
She started couching again, her face growing red as the glittery look in her eyes continued to build. He watched as her arm began to shake slowly, she started gasping for air.  
  
"He got on top of me….. and he pushed himself inside of me." She cried, as the glittery look in her eyes became too much, and the tears fell over, rushing down her face like a small stream. "He did it again.. and again." As those words left her lips, it all became too much and she started sobbing uncontrollably. Her body shook; her eyes fluttered shut, and then open again.  
  
"Shh… Abby." Luka comforted her, afraid to reach out to her. Slowly, he moved his arm toward her and began wrapping it around her shoulder, and in response, she immediately pushed him away.   
  
"He raped me… and I didn't stop him. I said no but I should have tried harder…." She cried, rocking back and forth on the couch, her hair falling in front of her eyes. "If I had hit him harder, or kicked him a little more.."  
  
"Abby, look at me." Luka ordered, taking her shoulders under his firm hands and waiting for her face to turn.   
  
"Don't touch me!" she cried, pushing him away, pushing herself further into the arm of the couch. "Leave me alone!" she sobbed, the tears falling onto the blanket, the ornament once in her lap now lay on the carpet, where it had rolled only moments earlier.   
  
"Abby, I am not going to hurt you." Luka said gently, attempting to move closer again. "I would never hurt you."  
  
"He raped me." She sobbed again, burying her face in the arm of the dark couch, muffling her sobs.   
  
Luka watched her body shake, heard her constant gasps for fresh air, the coughing as she cried.   
  
"Abby, please.." he begged, touching her back with his index finger, then his pinkie. He moved himself a few inches closer, resting his entire hand lightly on her back. "Let me help you Abby."   
  
He waited a moment for her response, waited as her body shook again; she choked on her own phlegm, taking in another breath. His hand remained on her back, waiting for her to scream to move it, to stop touching her. But she didn't. her head rose slowly from the couch arm, covered in her own tears, her eyes a deep red, matching her face. She watched him for a second, gasping for more air.   
  
"Please Abby." He begged again.  
  
And the twinkling Christmas lights went dead.  
  
+++++++++++  
  
I'm falling  
Can't breathe anymore  
And the Ocean has opened  
These Scars need to heal  
Hold on I'm falling, can't reach... reach...  
Colder and colder Just hold onto me  
  
+++++++++++  
  
  
05/10/01   



	9. Bonheur Trompé- Part 9

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 9*  
by Kelly   
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.   
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
Writer's Notes: Follows Part 8 immediately. Still heavy angst, as Abby has a *long* road ahead of her.   
  
Big thanks to Carolina and Shannon who give me great idea's and take a look at these fics before they're done, telling me how I'm doing! Thanks guys!!  
  
++++++++++++++++++  
  
I never dreamed I could cry so hard  
That ain't like a man  
I could fly like a bird somedays  
Had a place where I could land  
  
++++++++++++++++++++  
  
She'd continued to cry for over an hour. He had reached out again, and again, trying to touch her, and she continued to push him away. The look on her face remained one of pure terror. Her body had shook, the tears fell, the color in her face drained. Her breath became labored; she had coughed and choked, and sobbed. He had wanted to hold her, just wrap his arms around her and assure her everything would be ok. But he couldn't, he couldn't hold her, hug her, kiss her. He couldn't tell her he loved her, couldn't lay near her in bed, touch her stomach to feel their baby kick. He longed for when he could do all of that again.  
  
By the time she had fallen asleep on the couch, her face was a deep color of red, stained with the tears that had fallen from her eyes. She had all but cried herself to sleep, her head resting against the pillow behind her head. Her casted arm lay next to her, her other arm lay across her chest, her fingers dangling freely. The newly decorated Christmas tree shimmered behind her, against the opposite wall.   
  
Luka stood in the doorway, watching her. His arms were folded tightly in front of his chest, his black sweatshirt pulling tightly on him, being bunched by the folding under his arms. He watched her face, he watched her breathe. He watched her every movement, every moment he was near her. Freeing his arms, he walked quietly across the carpeted floor and grabbed a blanket that hung along the back of the couch. Unfolding it, he laid it across Abby's body, pulling it down over her feet, picking up the Christmas ornament that had been dropped earlier. He looked again at the inscription and carried it to the tree. He hung it on a high branch, right next to a blue light. The reflection against the red ornament glowed in the dim room.   
  
Checking to make sure she was covered one last time, Luka put his hand to his lips, and then to her cheek gently. It was the closest he could get to kissing her, to touching her skin. Walking quietly from the room, he shuffled into the kitchen and turned the light on over the island in the center. Grabbing the phone from the counter, he punched in a number he had only called once before. It rang only once before a deep voice on the other end answered.  
  
"Hello?" the voice asked.  
  
"Hello, Eric?" Luka replied quietly, reaching in front of him for a small stack of envelopes. They were all bills, from banks, credit card companies, etc..  
  
"Luka?" Eric replied, coughing on the other end. "Is everything alright?" he asked. "How is Abby doing?"  
  
Luka sighed, tossing the junk mail from the pile into the nearby trashcan. "She's sleeping right now."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I want her to see a therapist." Luka whispered, getting off the stool and walking toward the counter where he stuck the bills in the pile along with the other, older one's.   
  
"I was going to suggest that." Eric replied. "Has she opened up at all?"  
  
"She had a flashback earlier tonight. This is hurting me more than I thought it would. She won't let me help her. I try to help her and she pulls away, or tells me to leave her alone." He said, grabbing a can of soda from the refrigerator.   
  
"She still won't let you touch her?"  
  
"No."  
  
Eric paused, as he watched the TV screen in his own living room. "Therapy would really help I'd bet." He replied. "She needs time."  
  
"I know that. But I hate seeing her the way she is. She is afraid to leave our bedroom. I got her to come downstairs today for the first time and that is when the flashbacks started."   
  
"Maybe that's progress?" Eric suggested.   
  
"I think I'm going to speak with Dr. Legaspi at the hospital. I cannot watch her suffer alone anymore. I want her to trust me, and to know that I would never hurt her."  
  
"She's had a hard time all her life Luka, this just adds to it even more." Eric replied.  
  
"Don't you think that I know that?" Luka replied. "I love her Eric, I want to help her."  
  
Eric nodded to himself, turning from his television. "I love her too. She's my sister."  
  
Luka went silent. He didn't know what to say anymore. His eyes went to the clock and watched it tick away. "Eric, I remember awhile ago Abby mentioned that you had boxes of her old things in your attic." He said, remembering the conversation from months ago.   
  
"Yeah, there are 5 or 6 of them up there." He replied. "Why?"  
  
As he stood at the counter, pieces began to come together in his head. "She told me about a stuffed dog she had when she was a little girl.." Luka said, speaking softly, as he cranked his neck thru the doorway, making sure she was still asleep.   
  
"Frankie?" Eric finished for him. He laughed on the other end of the phone. "I remember her carrying that thing with her everywhere."  
  
Luka chuckled softly. "She mentioned it before. Umm.. do you think it is with her other things?" he asked.   
  
"It's probably up there somewhere. Why?"  
  
Luka swallowed, wondering if this idea was even worth it. "I was just thinking, if she got so much comfort from that dog as a child, maybe it would help her now." He said, almost sheepishly.  
  
Eric nodded again, watching his cat run across the floor in front of his feet. "That might help.." he replied. "I could go and look now if you want."  
  
"I would appreciate it." Luka replied. "The sooner I gave it to her, the sooner it could help."   
  
"Yeah, ok. I'll go and look for it ok? If I find it, I'll send it out tomorrow ok?"  
  
Luka started to grin, happy that Eric had agreed. "Ok, that sounds good. Thank you Eric."  
  
"It's no problem. I just hope it will help her."  
  
Luka nodded to himself in agreement. "So do I."  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
But giving into the nightime  
Ain't no cure for the pain  
You gotta wade into the water  
You gotta learn to live again  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
The next few days seemed to be exact replicas of the days before them. Abby would wake up numerous times during the night, and go sit by the window. Then she would fall back to sleep in the chair. Luka would find her there in the morning, her head rested on the arm of the chair, her hand always on top of her stomach, as if it were permanently stuck there.  
  
"Abby, we need to leave." Luka called up the stairs later that morning, pulling his thick coat over his shoulders. He waited for a response and got none. Gripping her coat in his arms, he walked up the stairway to their bedroom. "Abby.." he called again.  
  
"I'm not going." She mumbled, her face buried in her arms.   
  
"Abby, this will help you."  
  
"I'm not a psycho, I don't need a therapist." She mumbled, lifting her head to watch him.  
  
"Nobody said you were." Luka replied, sitting on the bed across from her. "He only wants to talk to you."  
  
"I don't want to talk."  
  
"Abby, please." Luka pleaded. "You said the other day you wanted to go."  
  
"I don't want to go anymore."  
  
"Abby, please come. You don't have to stay long."  
  
"No."  
  
Luka sighed and stood up. He knew deep down that no matter how hard she tried to convince him she didn't want to go, she actually did. He knew she wanted to heal, but couldn't do it alone.   
  
"Come on Abby." He said again, holding the jacket out to her. "We don't have to stay the whole time."  
  
"I said no Luka."  
  
Luka sighed, dropping his arms to his sides. "Fine, ok. We don't have to go."  
  
Abby just watched him; he still held the jacket in his hand. His face was very serious; she knew he wanted her to go. She knew she wanted to go. Reaching up with her unbroken arm, she took the coat from him. Her muscles ached as she pulled it on, he tried to help her put it on, and she again pushed him away, insisting she didn't need help, not to touch her.  
  
"Abby, you know I'm doing this because I care about you." Luka whispered softly, as she got herself slowly off the bed. Her face was still as bruised and sad as it had been all along. Her movements were slow and labored, her eyes still as dark and sad as they had been since that night.  
  
She didn't reply, she just silently walked from the room and down the stairs, taking them one by one, stopping on each step. Luka followed closely behind her, making sure she didn't lose her footing, and trip. When they reached the hallway, Abby stopped and leaned her body up against the wall. Her eyes shut tight, she took a deep breath and let out a sigh. Luka watched her as he took the house keys into his hands. Watching her like this wanted to make him cry, to scream. 3 weeks now and still nothing. No suspect, no motive, no improvement.  
  
Arriving at the hospital, they had gone immediately up to the Psych ward and Abby wandered over to the small waiting area where she sat on one of the hard chairs and turned toward the fish tank that sat across from her. Her eyes became fixated on the fish, as they had on the Christmas lights only days before. She again became oblivious to the world around her, stuck in a trance, in a world only she knew about.   
  
Luka signed in for her, and followed her to the waiting area. He watched as her attention became focused on the fish tank, and let out a deep sigh. He took a seat in the chair next to her, and she never even realized he was there. Her total focus was on the fish.   
  
"Abby Kovac?" Dr. DeRaad called only a few moments later. He stood in the entryway to the room, holding a chart in his hands.   
  
Luka looked up and immediately got to his feet when he heard Abby's name called. Abby didn't even turn, her gaze still in the fish tank.  
  
"Abby?" Luka called, turning to her. "Abby?' he said again, touching her shoulder.  
  
His touch provided an immediate reaction of her pulling away from him. She pulled her body back, turning her head from the direction of the fish tank to the direction of the light gray tile floor.   
  
"Abby?" Dr. DeRaad called again, moving into the room, coming closer to her. Luka stood right next to her, watching her as she again began to gaze into the tank. He watched her reflection appear on the glass, the dark color of her bruises, the scars from her cuts….  
  
She still didn't reply. She only turned to look at both men for a second, before turning away yet again. Her hand moved up to her face, and then back down by her side. "I want to go home." She mumbled.   
  
Dr. DeRaad nodded as Luka put his hand over his mouth. He leaned down to become eye level with Abby, setting the chart on the floor next to him.  
  
"How about you come into my office? We can talk in there." He suggested.   
  
Abby didn't reply, she just turned to look at him. Her face held a cold stare, as stare that could only be described as one of pure fear. Slowly, she pulled herself from the chair and followed the doctor and Luka down the short hallway to his office.   
  
"Dr. Kovac, I think for now, it would be best for me to talk with Abby alone." Dr. DeRaad told him, as he held the doorknob.   
  
"I want to stay with her." Luka protested.   
  
"I know. But it may be easier for me to talk with her, and to get her to open up if I speak with her alone." He explained. "You can wait right out here if you want."  
  
"She needs me with her.."  
  
"Don't worry. Dr. Kovac, I've dealt with rape victims, trust me."  
  
Luka watched as he began to close the door. "Fine." He mumbled, stepping back, nodding his head.   
  
Dr. DeRaad nodded him a reassuring nod and closed the door, leaving Luka to look at the dark colored wood.   
  
Inside the office, Abby was curled up on the chair near Dr. DeRaad's desk, her head hung low, looking at the legs of her chair.  
  
"How are you doing Abby?" Dr. DeRaad asked, pulling out a pen from his desk drawer.  
  
She didn't reply. She just met his gaze again with her stare, and scratched her leg with her right hand.   
  
"Ok, you don't have to talk." He assured her with a grin. He took a seat across from her, pulling a pad of paper from next to him. He thought for a moment of how to begin a conversation, to know she could trust him. "They said it's suppose to snow again later. My son is thrilled. He wants me to take him sledding this weekend."  
  
Abby looked up to him, giving him an odd look. She scratched her leg again, a nervous habit she had picked up years ago.  
  
"I just don't like it because it's so cold. I was thinking I would take him to play hockey over at the new place they just built. Have you seen it? It's a huge indoor sports complex."  
  
"I've seen it." Abby mumbled, staring down at the dark purple color of her cast.  
  
Dr. DeRaad nodded, crossing his legs in front of him. "Do you like hockey?" he asked.   
  
Abby didn't even bothering looking at him, she hung her head low. "I never played." She mumbled. "But Eric always did."  
  
He nodded, happy in getting a response. It was something. "Who is Eric?" he asked, hoping to get her to talk more.  
  
She looked up, clearing her throat and sneezing. "My brother." She replied quietly. She sneezed again, taking a tissue from the hands of Dr. DeRaad.  
  
"Does Eric live around here?"   
  
"No."  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"In Florida." She murmured, her eyes still avoiding all possible contact with his. She sneezed again, her body thrusting with great force as she did.   
  
Luka sat outside the doctor's office with his legs crossed, on the hard tile floor. His hands were folded in his lap, his thumb playing with the wedding ring on his finger. He listened to the quiet murmurs that were seeping through the crack at the bottom of the door. Looking up, he took notice of the small bulletin board that held notices for all sorts of group therapy. There was one support group flyer that stood out and he got up on his feet and tore it from the clip. Reading it over quickly, he folded it up into a small square and stuffed it into his jacket pocket.  
  
Abby looked up at Dr. DeRaad and pursed her lips, turning them a light white color. Her eyes glared an icy stare, her zipper now pulled up to her neck. Her white sneakers ran across the tile in small circles, leaving a scuffmark behind.  
  
She cleared the mucus from her throat and closed her eyes. She felt her hair drape down in front of her, shielding her from the outside world as she nodded her head back down again. It was her fortress, her protection. A ringing hummed in her ears, soft at first, then grew louder and louder.  
  
"Abby, how are you feeling?" he asked, trying to get her to speak. "Have you been sleeping?"  
  
A cold chill ran through her body, causing goose bumps to form on her arms, the hairs standing on end. "I sleep." She said.   
  
"Enough?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Has your doctor prescribed anything for you?" he asked gently, taking notes as they spoke to each other. He glanced quickly up at the clock and back to her. Her head still hung, her face covered by her dark hair.   
  
"No."  
  
"Ok." He said nodding.   
  
"Can I leave?" she asked quietly, looking up for a moment. Her face was red and swollen, almost as if she had been crying.   
  
Dr. DeRaad nodded, setting the chart down in his lap. "Abby, you can leave whenever you want. You chose to come here today, and you can choose to leave. But I'd really like to talk with you for a few more minutes."  
  
She watched him, and took a deep breath. Turning her head toward the door, she nodded and fiddled with her jacket zipper again. "Fine." She whispered.   
  
He smiled another smile of comfort and continued. He watched her movements for a moment, the way she played with her jacket, they way her hand kept wandering down to her stomach. How it would stop there for a few moments, and then she'd play with her zipper again.  
  
"When is the baby due Abby?" he asked, looking to her small frame, where the pregnancy was becoming more and more visible each day.  
  
She shivered in the cold, looking quickly to the window where the dark sky was overhead. Turning back to Dr. DeRaad, she coughed again and sighed.  
  
"In April."  
  
"Are you excited?" he asked, attempting to get her to speak more than one word. She watched him, knowing he was waiting for an answer.   
  
"Luka's really happy." She mumbled, kicking her bag at her feet, knocking it over.   
  
Dr. DeRaad nodded. "I'll bet. I remember when I found out my wife was pregnant with our son, how excited I was." He told her. "But what about you, are you excited?"  
  
She sat silent for a minute, her gaze straight ahead, before her head began to nod slowly. She bit her lip as she did, her eyes closing. "Yes.."   
  
He laughed very softly, making more notes. "Do you know if it's a boy or girl yet?" he asked.  
  
She sighed and shook her head. "No."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, it's probably the best surprise you can get.. to wait that is." He stated. She didn't reply, just tugged at her jacket, shivering in the chilly air. "I really want to leave now." She said slowly, gripping her sleeve tightly.   
  
He nodded. "Ok, that was a good session." He said, standing up, setting her chart down on his desk. "But I want to meet with you again Abby. Maybe next week after Christmas?" he suggested.  
  
"Yeah, ok." She said, standing up, walking toward the door.   
  
As the door swung open, Luka's head shot around as he got to his feet again, brushing his pants off. Abby walked slowly through the door, stopping halfway down the hallway, peering at photo's that hung on the wall.  
  
"Did she talk to you?" Luka asked, shoving his hands into his pockets. His fingers hit his car keys, and he pushed them aside, pushing his hands even further in.  
  
Dr. DeRaad nodded, looking down the hallway at her. "She spoke for awhile. Not much, but you can't expect her to. Her recovery is going to be a long road, it's going to take a long time."  
  
"I know." Luka sighed.  
  
"She really wants to go home right now though." He said. "But you need to keep talking to her. Even if she doesn't answer you. Talk to her, act as if she is answering you, it will help her."   
  
"Ok."  
  
"I want to see her again soon. Next week sometime?"   
  
"Yes, I will make an appointment." Luka assured him. "Thank you."  
  
+++++++++++  
  
And reach out for her healing hands  
Reach out for her healing hands  
There's a light, where the darkness ends,  
Touch me now and let me see again,  
Rock me now in your gentle healing hands  
  
+++++++++++  
  
"For tonight is the night when the lord, Jesus Christ was born…."  
  
The priest looked out into the crowd of parishioners whom had gathered that chilly Christmas Eve in the small church as he spoke. His hands were raised high in front of him, an altar boy on each of his sides. The table in front of him was draped with a creamy white cloth, with two deep red stripes, one down each side. Atop the table was a gold chalice, set between two tall white candles.   
  
Slowly, his hands lowered, signaling everyone in the church to be seated. The sound of everyone moving sounded like one big thud, and all was silent again. The church was stuffed beyond capacity, pews were filled, many stood in the back of the church, some along the two end aisles against the brick walls.   
  
The loud sound from the organ filled the church, the sounds of "The First Noel" coming from it. Luka rubbed his hands together, listening as he stared at the head of the older man in front of him. He had just removed his hat and his hair was standing what seemed to be on end. He had no idea why he cared so much about watching this man's head, it was only his hair.  
  
"As we gather tonight to celebrate the birth of the lord, may we all place forth our prayers and thoughts, for those of us who have lost someone during this holiday season." The priest boomed loudly, as the alter boys walked over to an oversized advent wreath that sat off to the side, and lit the four candles. The flames glowed in the dimly lit church, the wax melting slowly down the sides of each candle.   
  
Luka sat next to Abby in one of the pews on the far left. Next to them, only a few feet higher was a stained glass window of Jesus hung on the cross. Abby was staring straight ahead, listening to the dull boom of the organ.  
  
"Our father, who art in heaven…."  
  
"Abby, are you cold?" Luka asked, looking at her as she shivered, her teeth chattering as she listened. Her head shook as the priest continued the prayer. "Take my coat." He offered, pulling it off of his shoulders and attempting to wrap it around hers.   
  
"Stop it." She whispered, shifting her body away from him, keeping away from the man sitting next to her. "I'm not cold."   
  
Luka sighed, setting his prayer book down. "Abby…"   
  
"Thy kingdom come.. thy will be done….."   
  
"I said to stop it." She mumbled, turning her attention toward the choir of singers that hummed softly along with the music. They all wore matching red robes, each holding a songbook in their hands.  
  
"You look funny." A child said loudly, turning around from his seat in the pew in front of Abby and Luka. He pointed to Abby's face, sitting on his knees. "I had scratches on my face once. My kitty, his name is Nibbles, he scratched me."  
  
The woman next to him grabbed him by the arm and pulled him around. Setting him down on his bottom instead of his knees, she quickly turned around, her face red with embarrassment.   
  
"I'm sorry." She whispered quickly, before turning away again. "Ryan, will you behave." She said angrily, in a voice slightly above a whisper. "I told you if you don't, Santa won't come tonight."  
  
Luka looked toward Abby as the woman turned away, Abby was biting her lip, again. Her face was a deep red color; she was fiddling with her hands in her lap. She moved her broken arm over, holding it close.  
  
"And lead us not, into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen."  
  
"I want to leave." Abby whispered, holding back the tears from the utter embarrassment. The people whom sat all around her were now staring at her, all wondering what could have possibly caused the bruises and cuts that covered her.  
  
"But mommy.." the boy whined louder. "What happened to her? Did her kitty hurt her too?"  
  
"Ok, come on." Luka whispered, getting to his feet, pulling his jacket back over his arms, zipping the front. He looked down and held his arm out for Abby to take hold of as she got up, but she ignored it. He sighed again, knowing deep in his mind she wouldn't have grabbed it. Pushing past the people who sat next to them, drawing their knees up to allow them to pass, they made their way into the aisle.   
  
"Please open your missiles to page 57, a reading from the book of Matthew."  
  
The cold air hit them with great force as they pushed through the church doors and into the cold, windy Chicago Street. Sleet was falling heavily from the sky, leaving slushy piles along the curb.  
  
"Abby, wait." Luka said, walking faster to catch up with her. Her jacket was wrapped tightly around her, her hands hanging limply by her sides as she walked. Her hair matted down by the sleet, coughing loudly as she passed an apartment building.  
  
Luka pulled his own gloves on, and shoved his hands in his pockets. Her lips were a sickly shade of white and her teeth still chattering as they walked. "Let's go in here and warm up." He said, nodding toward a coffee shop on the corner of the street. "Then we can walk to the car."  
  
"I want to go home." She replied, sniffling and blowing hard, a puff of smoke showing in the chilly air.   
  
"It is cold Abby. You need to warm up." He replied, pulling the coffee shop door open and walking inside, allowing Abby to pass him. Inside, the heat was warm and comforting as he approached the counter. The shop was empty, aside from the older man who sat behind the counter, reading a newspaper. Luka glanced up at the clock that read 7:42.   
  
"Abby, what do you want?" he asked, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. He glanced over at her. She was sitting in a booth, her gaze looking up at the TV that sat hooked up to the wall. "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" was playing on the screen, he watched as the Grinch stuffed the Christmas tree down the chimney. She ignored him, pulling her casted arm onto the tabletop, pulling her jacket sleeve down around her hand. "Abby?"  
  
"Nothing." She groaned, turning toward the Christmas lights that hung around the ceiling.   
  
"Can I have a coffee with two sugars and a cup of warm milk?" Luka asked, pulling a bill of money from his wallet, setting it on the counter. The older man sighed as he got up and proceeded to fill the order. Setting them on the counter, he took the money and Luka walked toward the booth where Abby sat, setting the hot cups down.  
  
"I said I didn't want anything." She mumbled, looking at the white Styrofoam cup that sat in front of her.  
  
"It will warm you up." He replied, pulling the cover off his coffee cup, fiddling with the opening. "You have eaten almost nothing today Abby, you need something."  
  
"I don't want it." She protested, yawning tiredly, her eyes gazing back at him.  
  
"Please drink it." He begged, setting his cup down on the table, coffee spilling over the side. "I'm worried about you Abby. You and the baby." He admitted, pulling his thumb away, wiping the coffee from it.  
  
She blinked slowly, holding her breath as he spoke to her. She felt the baby kick within her and swallowed her saliva, daring to open her eyes again. "Luka.." she said slowly, swallowing again. "I eat enough, I sleep. The baby kicks, it moves. I feel it ok? Will everyone just stop telling me what to do, I'm not a baby." She said angrily, her eyes still locked shut. "I don't want the damn milk."  
  
He watched her in surprise, as she got angry. This was the first time since the attack she had acknowledged to him she felt the baby, that she was angry. He knew it would come when she'd had enough, but he wasn't prepared for it. Dr. DeRaad had told him that anger was a sign of coming to terms with the rape; one of the first steps in healing.   
  
"Fine, you don't have to drink the milk." He replied, pushing himself forward in his seat. "But will you promise me Abby? Promise me that you will go see Dr. DeRaad again." He said, out of the blue. "Please…."  
  
+++++++++++++  
  
I never knew sleep so restless  
Empty arms so cold  
That's not the way it's supposed to be  
It ain't the spell that I was sold  
  
+++++++++++++  
  
The smell of coffee brewing wafted through the early morning air. Luka sat in the living room, picking at the fire, attempting to move the log he had lit only moments earlier. The ashes blew up and flew out onto the rug, filling the room with a warmth that Luka could only remember so few times in his life.  
  
The Christmas tree sat lit, a small pile of presents sat under it. All wrapped in bright paper, some with colorful bows stuck to them. Luka took one last glance at them; he had spent an hour arranging them the night before. They were all for Abby, he had picked them up at various times over the past few months. But the one special one, the one he wanted her to have first sat up front, wrapped in a huge box, with a bright green bow taped to it.   
  
He wanted to make this day special, bring her whatever joy he could. After the previous night, he was desperate to get her to crack a smile, something he hadn't seen her do in weeks. He reached under the tree to grab a box when he heard footsteps, and Abby appeared in the doorway, her bathrobe wrapped tightly around her, her hand resting on her stomach.  
  
"Merry Christmas." Luka said, sitting up and holding the box in his lap and Abby walked slowly into the living room without a word. Her face was red and tear stained again, obvious she had been crying. Her eyes were bloodshot, her lips blistered and chapped.   
  
He gave her a small smile and held the gift out to her, and she took it onto her hands. She looked down at it and back at Luka, fiddling with the paper. "Luka, you didn't need to…"  
  
"I wanted to." He replied, cutting her off. "Open it." He said, his grin growing wider, playing with his hands nervously.   
  
She bit her lip and with her uninjured hand, picked at the paper slowly, revealing a plain white box. Pulling the lid back with her fingers, she peered into the box and let out a small gasp, lifting the gift into her lap.  
  
"Frankie." she whispered, staring down at the stuffed dog with the brown fur and white spots. She rubbed the matted fur; looking at the purple marker mark she remembered leaving there so many years ago. She'd tried to give him a tattoo like the one she had seen on a TV commercial, only it had just came out one big purple blob. "Where'd you get him?" she asked quietly, staring at the stuffed animal like it would disappear if she didn't.  
  
"Eric sent him to me." Luka replied, moving closer to her, pulling his sweatshirt sleeves down. "I knew you liked him when you were little."  
  
She looked at the dog longer, and then up at Luka. Her eyes were glassy, and her face swollen from the crying. But the glow she got the moment she opened the box was enough. She hadn't smiled, or laughed, but the glow was something. "Thank you." She whispered, pulling the dog in close, like a comfort object.  
  
Luka nodded, continuing to fumble with his hands. "You're welcome." He whispered, looking up at her. He watched her cuddle the dog like a small child would and sighed, happy in knowing he had found something she could find comfort with.  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
But giving into the nightime  
Ain't no cure for the pain  
You gotta wade into the water  
You gotta learn to live again  
  
++++++++++++++  
  
"How about we ask Luka if he wants to come in?" Dr. DeRaad asked, days later during his now third session with Abby. He watched her as she nodded, playing nervously with her jacket zipper again.  
  
He had been making slow but positive progress with her during their last session, and now this one. He had gotten her to talk, to begin to open up. Digging deep with each question, and answer, he had begun to understand her feelings, what she needed.  
  
Abby watched as he opened the office door and allowed Luka in, pointing toward the chair next to her. Luka walked over slowly, his shoes squeaking as they moved across the tile floor. He took the seat next to her, and scuffed his shoes, nervous with being in the room.  
  
"Abby, you're sure you're comfortable with this, right?" Dr. DeRaad asked one more time, taking his seat back across from them.  
  
Abby nodded without a word, and shook her arm, feeling the pins and needles as it fell asleep.   
  
Dr. DeRaad nodded, pulling a fresh piece of paper out, settling his clipboard into his lap once again. "Remember, if at any time you start to feel uncomfortable, tell me, and Luka will leave ok?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Ok, good."  
  
Luka looked at the doctor, and back to Abby who was squirming uncomfortably in her chair. He took a deep breath, not sure what he should expect.  
  
"Let me start off by saying that I'm pleased by the progress Abby and I have made in these past few sessions." Dr. DeRaad said, looking to both of them. "And now that I have gathered some background, and know of the events that took place, I can start helping you Abby, in dealing with all that has happened, and eventually, hopefully, healing you."  
  
Luka nodded, looking toward Abby who was staring straight ahead.   
  
"But in order for me to do this, I need both of your cooperation. Abby cannot, and will not heal by herself. You'll need to help." He continued, looking at Luka. "But it also means, that you Abby, need to allow him to help."  
  
She stared at him longer, blinking her eyes, grasping the arm of the chair.   
  
"And I would like to start today… with a small step."   
  
Luka nodded again, himself eager to begin. He wanted Abby to heal; he wanted her to be comfortable again. He wanted to see her smile, unafraid of the outside world, of him."  
  
"Abby, do you trust Luka?" Dr. DeRaad asked, pushing himself forward in his chair.   
  
Abby sat silently for a minute, tapping her foot lightly on the floor nervously. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, as her head began to shake. "Yes…." She whispered, almost inaudibly.   
  
Dr. DeRaad nodded, looking to Luka.   
  
"Do you know he would never hurt you?" he asked, as Luka's gaze turned from that of the doctors, to Abby's.  
  
She nodded her head, gazing nervously at him.   
  
"Ok." He replied. "Now Abby, I only want you to do this if you're ready ok?" he asked. "If you aren't, it is perfectly ok, and we'll continue to work at it." He said. "Alright?"  
  
Her head sat straight, her eyes watching him intently. "Yes." She mumbled, clearing her throat.   
  
"I want you to hold Luka's hand."  
  
Luka watched her as he saw her whole body tense up, her hand gripping the chair harder, her teeth clenching together. Her face became pale, the wrinkles in her forehead apparent.  
  
"But only if you are ready."  
  
Luka continued to watch her, his hand sat outstretched on the arm of his chair. Dr. DeRaad watched as she opened her eyes, and hung her head low again. She swallowed so loudly it was heard by both men, and she let out a heavy breath. Her fingers twitched, moving along the fabric of her black pants. But slowly, they moved. Her whole hand moving up through the air, across her leg, along the arm of the chair. Luka watched intently, and then, the warmth of her hand filled his, as he felt her fingers slide between his. And they stopped, locking in place, holding tightly against his skin. And when they had, Luka let out a sigh, and a laugh under his breath, as a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders, allowing him to breathe freely again.  
  
++++++++++  
  
Reach out for her healing hands  
Reach out for her healing hands  
There's a light, where the darkness ends,  
Touch me now and let me see again,  
Rock me now in your gentle healing hands  
  
  
05/25/01   



	10. Bonheur Trompé- Part 10

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 10*  
by Kelly   
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.   
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
The music in this story is "Next 100 Years" by Bon Jovi  
  
Writer's Notes: You need a translation in this part. Pustiti njemu kocka= Let him die.   
  
Big thanks to Carolina and Shannon who give me great idea's and take a look at these fics before they're done, telling me how I'm doing! Thanks guys!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Time ain't nothing but time  
It's a verse with no rhyme  
Man, it all comes down to you  
Change ain't nothing but change  
Just the faces and the names  
But you know we're gonna make it through  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dark piles of slushy, dirty snow lined the curbs of the streets, filling driveways and drainage pipes with clumpy slush that seeps through your socks and drenches your feet. The dark clouds hung low in the sky, ready to dump even more snow on the large piles that already sat all over Chicago. A cold chill filled the air; entrapping all that stepped outside, cause goose bumps to form and teeth to chatter at the touch.  
  
As Luka stepped outside into the chilly air, he wrapped his lab coat protectively around him and began to rub his arms up and down, awaiting the impending trauma expected in only a few minutes. His teeth chattered as a gush of cold air blew, a whirl of snow blowing in front of his face, hitting his cheek with a cold force.   
  
"Damn it." He mumbled, moving his feet in place as the ambulance doors whooshed open and Mark walked out, his coat draped over his shoulders.   
  
"Hi Mark." He greeted him, blowing into his hands in an attempt to warm up.   
  
"Hey Luka…. Aren't you off in a little while?" he asked, shielding his eyes from the blowing snow.   
  
Luka nodded, pulling the lab coat tighter around his body. "Yes, in about 10 minutes."  
  
"Why don't you go? Dr. Chen and I can handle this."  
  
"I'm ok, I don't mind staying."  
  
"Go." Mark replied, nodding his head toward him. "Abby's waiting for you isn't she?"  
  
Luka sighed, blowing hard, watching as a large cloud of smoke blew from his mouth, swirling around until it disappeared into the air. "I don't know if she is waiting for me.."  
  
Mark gave him a sympathetic smile and coughed. "She is…" he replied, pausing for a minute. "She's seeing DeRaad isn't she?"   
  
"Yes, she has an appointment for tomorrow morning." Luka replied, tracing his foot in a pile of snow. "But we have an OB appointment for later today."  
  
Mark nodded, padding his feet up and down on the pavement as a cop car pulled into the driveway, pulling alongside the building. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his coat and looked up to Luka, his eyes squinting, avoiding the blowing snow.  
  
"How is the baby doing, everything going ok?"  
  
"Yes, the doctor said everything looks good." He mumbled, tugging on his stethoscope. "You have this covered right?" he asked tiredly, realizing it was better to leave then.   
  
"Luka, go." Mark replied. "You know, if you ever want to talk, you and Abby can stop by. Have some coffee, change a few diapers since it seems we're never gonna get Ella trained." He said with a small grin. He looked to Luka and got serious for a second. "Just listen to her Luka, she'll come around."  
  
"Thank you Mark." He replied quickly as he nodded slightly, flinching once more in the cold wind, and disappeared back into the ER to grab his coat.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'll believe  
When you don't believe in anything  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Good steady heartbeat." Dr. Lindmen said, adjusting the Doppler on Abby's ever-extending stomach as Luka stood next to the table, tapping his fingers nervously on the table. "About 148 beats a minute."  
  
"Does everything look ok?" Luka asked nervously as Abby turned her head, staring at a chart on the wall.  
  
"So far, everything looks great."  
  
Luka watched as the doctor wandered over to a cabinet and pulled out a new sheet over paper. She quickly noted something on it before turning back to them, yanking on her gloves.   
  
"Just try to stay still Abby." She instructed as she began pressing on her stomach, moving around slowly, adjusting her fingers. "Everything feels good…"  
  
"Oww.." Abby mumbled, as she pressed harder, moving to the lower part of her stomach. "What about the size of the baby?" she asked quietly, avoiding eye contact with the doctor at all costs.  
  
Luka nodded as he waited for an answer, watching nervously as the doctor continued to press on Abby's stomach. He bit his lip, as his knee hit against the exam table, making a loud clunking noise that caused Abby to jump.   
  
"Sorry." He apologized embarrassedly, removing his fingers from the padded exam table.   
  
"It's ok." Dr. Lindmen replied, laughing as she finished the exam and moved around the table. "The baby is a good size, right around the size it should be. Now, I just want to do a quick ultrasound.. check how everything looks inside."  
  
Abby nodded and watched as the doctor began setting the machine up, grabbing the bottle of gel from a nearby counter. She quickly squeezed some out on Abby's stomach and flipped the machine on, running it along the right side of her stomach, watching the screen.   
  
"Good presentation.." she mumbled, adjusting a knob on the screen. "There's a leg." She pointed out, moving a finger to the screen, pointing it out.   
  
"What about the amount of amniotic fluid?" Abby mumbled, her attention kept on the screen next to her. Luka smiled as he watched her; happy at least something was bringing a smile to her face. She looked happier in the exam room at that minute than she had been in weeks.   
  
"Good amount, everything looks perfect." She replied, moving the ultrasound probe around, pressing harder. "Now are we keeping the sex a surprise or do you want to know?" she asked, as a clear focus of the baby's head came into view. "That is, if neither have you have already peeked.."  
  
"A surprise." Abby replied, shifting her body slowly on the table.   
  
"Ok, well here's another picture." She said, handing a small black and white photo to Abby. "And I'll see you in another month."  
  
"Thank you." Luka said, nodding and smiling. "Are you ready Abby?" he asked, as the doctor left the room, leaving them alone.   
  
"Yeah." She mumbled, pulling herself off the table and walking toward the bathroom. "Almost."  
  
"Abby, maybe we could go shopping soon for the baby?" he asked as she shut the door, and he moved closer to it. "We could buy some clothes or a crib."  
  
"Yeah, maybe." She mumbled quietly through the door as she pulled her clothes back on.   
  
"Yeah, maybe." He then whispered back to himself, sighing as he looked down at the picture in his hands and smiled.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'm gonna hold you 'til your hurt is gone  
Be the shoulder that you're leaning on  
I'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
If it all should end tonight  
I'll know it was worth the fight  
And we'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Are you sure you are ready for this?" Dr. DeRaad asked that mid January morning, and he, Abby and Luka walked slowly down a cold Chicago block, as lots of busy people dodged them. Many talking on cell phones, some chasing small children, others eating and watching the traffic pass.  
  
Abby didn't reply, but just tightened her grip around Luka's hand, nodding her head slowly. It had been 3 weeks now since Dr. DeRaad had gotten Abby to hold his hand, and ever since she had, she had barely let go.   
  
"Ok, remember, we can leave at any time."  
  
"Abby, are you sure?" Luka asked, wrapping his fingers between hers, staring down at her dark hair that was blowing wildly in the wind. "We can leave if you are not ready."  
  
"I want to do this." She replied, choking the words from the back of her throat. Her voice was low and hoarse, her eyes staring at the pavement of the sidewalk, dark bags hung below them.  
  
Dr. DeRaad nodded as Luka eyed him, and they began to walk again. Luka didn't know to the exact place they were going, but he knew they were getting close. He could feel Abby's grip tighten and hear her breathing get heavier as they approached a run down building, surrounded by piles of garbage and other wastes. There was a small group of people standing out front, huddled in a small circle. Luka glanced to them quickly and turned his head away as they began down a small, absolutely filthy alley.   
  
Her grip grew tighter as they made their way down the alley and to a dark doorway, surrounded by broken glass and trash. As Abby bit her lip and looked down at the ground, Dr. DeRaad pushed the door open, revealing an unlit, roach infested hallway. They walked down the hallway slowly, Luka guiding Abby who had her eyes locked shut. Looking to a piece of paper, Dr. DeRaad found the room number and pulled a set of keys from his pocket. Sliding it into the lock, he flung the door open and stepped inside.  
  
"Abby?" he called, holding the door open as Luka held her hand and they stepped inside.   
  
"Abby, are you ok?" Luka asked, turning to face her. "Abby?"  
  
"He did it in that bed." She whispered, her eyes growing wide as her face turned to a look of pure terror, as fear filled her voice. "He threw me down outside….. and he brought me in here."   
  
Luka stood silently with Dr. DeRaad as she spoke, staring toward the bed that sat in the corner of the small apartment, littered with ripped magazines and discarded beer cans. Cigarette butts were strewn all over the floor, cobwebs hung from the ceiling.   
  
"On the floor…. over there." She choked, backing into the entryway, leaning up against the wooden doorframe. "He had that knife in his hands, he was going to kill me."   
  
"Abby, what did he do to you here?" Dr. DeRaad asked, watching her carefully, keeping sure that she was under control. Luka glared him a look of curiosity and anger, like what the hell are you asking her that for, but he remained quiet.  
  
She bit her nails nervously as she looked around, peering into the small bathroom, the door that sat ajar, revealing the dirty blue tiles. She tugged on a piece of her messy short brown hair, and took a deep breath, letting it out quickly as she chewed further down.   
  
"He raped me…" she cried, her voice getting lower each time she spoke. "He hit me.. and he bit me." She whispered, her voice wavering more and more, as she slipped her hand back into Luka's. "He told me if I yelled he would kill me."  
  
Luka cringed as she spoke, the sheer thought of what Abby had gone through made him sick to his stomach. Looking around the room, knowing what the man had done to Abby on the bed that sat there, hearing of how he had threatened her. He could almost see her lying there, screaming to stop, the man beating on her savagely, causing her to bleed. It all sent a cold chill down his spine as she started to moan, squeezing his hand harder than before.   
  
"I tried to stop him but it was my fault.. I didn't try hard enough." She confessed as her voice became lowered but more forceful, her eyes snapping shut. "I didn't stop him."  
  
"Abby, it was not your fault." Luka whispered, as the words she spoke hit home, causing him more pain. It hadn't been her fault, any of it.   
  
"What that man did to you was unjustifiably wrong. You didn't do anything to cause it, and nothing you could have done would have stopped him." Dr. DeRaad said, moving closer to her and he kicked an empty bottle from his path. "You're lucky to be alive Abby, you got away."  
  
She just shook her head and dropped her head, holding back the tears that were building. Luka sighed and squeezed her hand, eyeing Dr. DeRaad who mouthed words he didn't understand and walked toward the door.   
  
"I think it's time to go.."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I, when I think that I'm losing my mind  
It all comes back to you  
And you, you know that it's true  
After all we've been through  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Approximately 30 year old male, GSW to the chest and neck. BP's 70/40, pulse is thready." Doris read off late that night as Luka, Lily and Dave pushed alongside the gurney down to trauma 2. "The cops shot the bastard over by the lake, they found him fleeing the scene of a rape."  
  
"The woman from earlier?" Luka asked, looking down at the man as they pushed through the swinging doors, met by Dr. Benton who was pulling gloves on.   
  
"Yeah, how is she?" Doris asked, as the moved the man to the gurney, dropping his body with a thud.   
  
"Died in surgery about an hour ago." Dave replied, pushing his trauma glasses up. "Can I crack this guy?"  
  
Luka looked down to the man, looked at his face, at his hair, at his eyes as he pulled them open to shine the light in them. He touched the man's skin, and a shiver went down his spine, causing him to shake. He looked back at the man again as the monitors beeped loudly, the sounds swirling around his head.   
  
"Can I crack this guy!?"  
  
"Get 5 of O neg in here now!"  
  
"I can't get a pulse!"  
  
"Kovac, what the hell are you doing!"  
  
The voice flooded around, all meshing together into one big boom. The monitors continued to beep, the sound of the paddles charging. They were calling his name, screaming for his help.  
  
"He is V-Fib!"  
  
"Where's the damn blood?!"  
  
"Dr. Kovac!"  
  
Luka felt his heart sink, and a knot form in his stomach and he suddenly became enraged, his face growing red with anger. His blood began to boil as the realization of what was taking place before him set in.  
  
"That is the bastard!" he growled, throwing the intubation tray in his hands to the ground, it landed with a loud crash. He lunged for the table, going for the man's face, raising his arms in the air like a wild man.  
  
"Dr. Kovac, what the hell are you doing!?" Dr. Benton cried, holding the paddles in his hands. "Get the hell out of here!"   
  
"I'm going to kill him!" Luka cried louder as Dave attempted to restrain him, pulling him toward the doorway. "He raped Abby!"  
  
"Get him out of here!" Benton yelled again as the paddles shocked the man's heart, making a buzzing sound that rang through Luka's head.   
  
"What's going on down there?" Kerry called, rushing down the hallway as Luka pushed Dave away and stood in the doorway of the trauma room, ready to run back in and pull all of the machines from his body, allowing him to die. "Dr. Kovac! What is going on!"   
  
"That is the son of a bitch." He growled, his hands locked in tight fists, turning a shade of white as the blood was cut off. "That is him."  
  
"He's who?" Kerry asked again, staring into the trauma room where Benton was now being aided by Dr. Chen and Dr. Greene.   
  
"He raped Abby, that is him. Abby said he had a tattoo.. a tattoo of a tiger on his arm. I'm going to kill him."   
  
"Malucci, take Dr. Kovac to the lounge, now." Kerry ordered, pushing the trauma room door open. "Now!"  
  
Luka resisted as Dave pulled him along, tugging back toward the trauma room. He wanted to watch him suffer, suffer like he had made Abby suffer. He wanted him to die, he hoped he died. He wanted to watch him die.  
  
"Still no pulse."  
  
"Charge it to 250."  
  
"Get to more of O neg!"  
  
"Clear!"  
  
"Asystole."  
  
"Charge it again."  
  
"Blood's here!"  
  
"Blood pressure's falling!"  
  
"How long has it been?"  
  
"Let the bastard die." Luka growled again as he gave up and walked himself down the hallway, tossing his gloves to the floor, and slamming the door behind him. "Son of a bitch."  
  
"Dr. Kovac, you ok?" Chuny asked as he stormed into the lounge, yanking his locker open angrily, grabbing his coat from the hook and pulling it over his shoulders.   
  
"Tell Kerry that I am going for a walk, I will be back in a little while." He replied angrily, pushing his long arms through the thick sleeves, pulling the coat tightly around him. His feet pattering loudly on the slick tile floor, he emerged into the hallway, and was shoved by Malik, running quickly toward the trauma rooms.  
  
Standing still for a minute, he felt the room begin to spin around him. The admit desk a big blur, his head felt as though a hammer were bashing on it. He saw a figure walk by, pushing a wheelchair along with it. He began to walk outside, pushing through the ambulance bay doors and onto the snow-covered pavement. Walking quickly past the ambulance that sat parked, he wandered toward the front of the building, where he found a saturated bench. He set his body down on it with a huge lunge, as all of his breath escaped his lungs, and he closed his eyes. He crossed his arms in front of him and watched a stray dog wander down the busy road, stopping at a streetlight to lift its leg.  
  
"Pustiti njemu kocka." He mumbled again, smacking the bench angrily with his fist, feeling the wood rattle under him as he did. He gazed up into the dark evening sky and wanted to scream. He wanted to scream like he had years earlier, when his family had been buried, when he had gone home to no one.  
  
He sat in the cold for over a half an hour, staring into the sky, his heart pumping fast with anger. His face was numb as it was hit with the icy air, and his hands pulled inside his jacket sleeves, attempting to keep some warmth. He finally stood up as the ambulance parked in the driveway pulled away, and rushed back toward the ER. Peeling his jacket from his body, he tossed it on the admit desk as Randi watched silently, snapping her gum in her mouth, playing with a strand of her dark hair.  
  
"Where is he?" Luka asked harshly, holding his stethoscope in his hand.   
  
"Who?" Frank asked, piling charts on the counter.  
  
"The patient, Dr. Benton was working on him." He growled, brushing his wind-ridden hair back away from his face.   
  
"Still down in the trauma room."  
  
Closing his eyes for a mere second, Luka paced down the hallway, his arms swinging by his sides as he approached. Turning to the room, he saw Lydia, and Dr. Weaver. And then he saw the sheet, full of the bloodstains. He held his breath as he entered the room, moving quickly toward the gurney. Dr. Weaver watched as he peeled back the sheet, revealing the man's face, his light blond hair. He wore a sick grin that chilled Luka to the bone. Pulling it back further, he found the tattoo, and threw the sheet back over the body. Stepping back, he dropped his stethoscope to the floor and let out a huge sigh, as his heart fell to his stomach, and he looked to Kerry.   
  
"I hope he rots in hell." He said, his accent thick and mean, an evil look in his eye Kerry had never seen, nor ever heard him speak like that. He spat the words out in a tone that even scared him.   
  
Kerry did not reply, she only nodded and set the chart down as the trauma room doors swung open and two detectives walked in, each held a pad of paper, one on a cell phone. They each wore long brown trench coats, buttoned high around their necks. It reminded Luka of the scene out of an old suspense movie he had watched with Abby once.  
  
"Dr. Kerry Weaver?" the darker colored man said clearly, in a loud booming voice that filled the trauma roomed and echoed. He walked closer to the gurney, and pulled a pen from his pocket.   
  
"I'm Dr. Weaver." She replied quickly, adjusting her glasses on her nose as the chain hit against her arm, swaying back and forth.   
  
"Detective Marshall, this is Detective Cohen." He introduced, extending his hand. "This the guy they brought in from the rape?"  
  
Kerry nodded, as Luka continued to stare. His hand moved up to his neck, and began fiddling with the gold chain that hung around it. He wrapped the excess around his pinkie, and ran his thumb along the notches in it, pressing it against the skin on his neck, leaving the imprint of the gold behind. The jewelry felt cool against his skin, reminding him of ice on a hot summer day.   
  
"Did we find any ID?" Detective Marshall asked, writing notes in his book, his hand moving quickly along the paper.   
  
"Gregg Othis." Kerry replied, holding out a bag of possessions they had collected from the man. Luka watched as they passed the bag to the detectives, looking at what it held. A black wallet, a thick bracelet, a small baggie full of a white powder, most likely marijuana, and a thick wad of money that was obviously too thick for the wallet.  
  
"The cops were already here when the victim was brought in right?" they asked, taking grasp of the bag, dumping their pads of paper into the deep pockets of their coats.   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Good, we'll run this guy through the system, have someone identify the body."   
  
"That is it?" Luka said, the man's discussion catching his attention.   
  
"Well there isn't much more we can do, the man's dead."   
  
"But what about the others, do you know if he raped anyone else?"  
  
Detective Marshall shook his head. "We can only know from reports we've taken… what was your name?"  
  
"Dr. Kovac." Luka said angrily, as he felt the tension building, wanting to reach down and tear the man's body to shreds. "My wife can identify him." He said, his voice growing deeper and more threatening. "It took you all this time to find the bastard, and he hurt my wife, and killed another woman."  
  
"Did your wife file a report with the police?"   
  
The comment caused Luka to send the look of death in the direction of the detective. It took all of his might to keep himself contained; he was having such a rage within his body he thought he would explode at any moment. He ran his hand through his hair and over his mouth, struggling to keep from hurting the first person he could touch. Kerry got up from her seat next to the body and escorted the two detectives from the trauma room, leaving Luka alone with the dead rapist's body.   
  
Standing in the empty room, Luka looked to the floor, eyeing all of the saturated gauze, discarded medical instruments. There were sheets of paper, most likely lab sheets, puddles of blood that shimmered in the overhead light, and dirty yellow, discarded trauma gowns. His gaze slowly moved up the wall to the clock, that read a time of 1:30 am. His shift had ended almost an hour ago; he should have been home half an hour ago.   
  
Glancing one more time at the covered body, he turned from the room. Pushing through the swinging doors, he walked down the hallway, knowing everyone was watching. He kept his head down, watching the colored tiles go by as he walked, the dirty between the cracks, the old scuff marks left by shoes and gurney wheels.   
  
He continued walking until he was in the lounge, the lights were off and the only light came from a streetlamp that hung outside the window. Pulling his locker open angrily for the second time that night, he grabbed his cell phone from the shelf and gripped it tightly in his hands. Positioning himself by the window, he tapped in the familiar number and held it to his left ear, watching the snow that fell again outside. It was light and far in between, but it was coating the ground, leaving a dusting on the gray sidewalks.  
  
"Hello?" a groggy voice picked up.  
  
"Abby?" Luka replied quietly, folding his arm across his chest.   
  
"Where are you?" she asked tiredly, as her coughing fit continued.   
  
"At the hospital, I just wanted to tell you I will be home soon."  
  
"Ok." She replied, unenthusiastically.  
  
Luka sighed listening to her. Her voice was still so tired, so fearful. It was the same monotonous sound it always was. The fear and terror was still there, her words still so scarce and short.   
  
"I love you Abby." He said, his voice hushed though his heart was still pounding. His head was ready to crack from the pressure; he thought for sure he was going to have an aneurysm.   
  
"Ok."   
  
He swallowed as he hung up, turning from the window. Going back out to the admit desk, he gathered up his coat from where he had left it and yanked it on. He shuffled quickly toward the exit where he was met by Kerry.  
  
"Luka, are you going to be ok?" she asked, moving from the path of an elderly woman with a walker.  
  
"I'm fine." He snapped, pulling his gloves on. "I am going home."   
  
"Stay home tomorrow." Kerry replied, "Stay with Abby."   
  
"I said I am fine." He said, getting angrier if that were at all possible.   
  
"I know, but I know how stressful this has all been. Just take the day off, I'll find someone to cover."   
  
He glared at her for a minute, as he pulled his hand to his forehead and let out an enormous sigh. "Ok, fine."   
  
"Good, now go. I'll call you in the morning."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I'm gonna hold you 'til your hurt is gone  
Be the shoulder that you're leaning on  
I'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
If it all should end tonight  
I'll know it was worth the fight  
And we'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~  
  
Abby sat by the window, wrapped tightly in the bed comforter as she heard the front door below her click shut, and the sound of heavy footsteps as they trudged throughout the first floor, slamming things down and open. She shivered as she peered through the glass, looking down on the dimly lit street, as a large van sped past.   
  
The footsteps came closer as she flexed her fingers, now free from the wraths of her cast that had been removed days earlier. She started coughing again, her body shaking violently as she did, the mucus getting caught in her windpipe. She shifted in the chair, stretching her legs out in front of her, slumping down, tugging the blanket snugger around her body.   
  
"Abby?" a voice called through the darkness as the bedroom door opened, and Luka slumped in, discarding his shoes and sweater in a heap at the entranceway. "Abby why aren't you in bed?" he sighed, moving closer toward her.   
  
She turned her head, gazing toward him as he approached her. She bit her lip and moved her right leg, running her socks along the thick carpet. "I'm not tired." She mumbled, blinking quickly.   
  
"You are never tired." He sighed again, sitting on the end of the bed, atop the crumbled ball of sheets.   
  
"Don't start.. please." She whispered, feeling a strong kick within in her, causing her to gasp. "Not now."  
  
He stared at her silently for a minute, watching as she arched her back, and eased it again. He knew the baby had kicked, that was her usual response if it had been a good kick. It made him grin each time he saw her do it, knowing it was happening. He still had yet to feel it though, they still had yet to make that progress.   
  
He swallowed, terrified of her reaction to the news he had. The nightmares had only gotten worse since visiting the scene of the rape. The nightmares getting worse meant she was getting better, if that made any sense, but this would make them even more horrible. Her screams he heard from down the hallway every night scared him to death, he couldn't even imagine what the nightmares did to her.   
  
"I need to tell you something." He said quickly, fumbling nervously with his hands, twisting the wedding band around his finger over and over, leaving a red circle around his finger.   
  
She looked up to him, meeting his gaze with hers. She stopped moving her feet, holding them in place in front of the chair. "What?" she mumbled, tapping them lightly.  
  
"Abby….. they got him." Luka told her, pulling himself upright, positioning his hands on his knees.   
  
"They got him." The words rang through her head, causing her to gasp out loud, her breath caught in her throat. He wasn't out there anymore, roaming the streets, looking for her.  
  
"Who told you?" she choked out, the sting in her eyes becoming apparent, as they filled with the tears, building in the pockets. Her heart was now pounding, faster and faster until she could practically hear it, feel it ripping through her chest.  
  
"He raped another woman." He said back, his voice becoming hoarse, as if he had a sore throat. "The police, they shot him…. He's dead Abby."  
  
She choked as the word dead passed through Luka's lips. Dead, no longer living, no heart beat, no pulse, no chance of parole. "They brought him in?" she whispered, fighting to keep the tears stationary. She knew deep inside if she started to cry again, she might never have been able to stop.   
  
He nodded, cracking his knuckles nervously. "I saw the tattoo…. He lost too much blood.. They want us to go tomorrow and identify him."  
  
Identify him. No way in hell. That would mean having to see him again, looking at his face, his evil eyes, the hands that held her down and beat on her. The teeth that bit at her neck, sliced open her skin.   
  
"No." she replied, losing all control of the tears as they began to fall down her flushed cheeks, forming small pools of liquid on her sweatshirt. "No."  
  
"Abby, we have to go."  
  
"I don't want to look at him!" she screamed, unwrapping her body from the blanket as she struggled to get to her feet. "I don't want to look at his face, I never want to see him!" She pulled herself from the chair and stood still for a moment, staring out the window again. She pulled her arm to her face and wiped the tears away with her sleeve as more continued to fall.   
  
"He cannot hurt you now.. he will never be able to hurt you."  
  
"No!" she cried, moving past Luka and over toward the closet, leaning up against the door. "I never……. I never want to see him again." She sobbed, choking on her own words as she struggled to swallow and regain her composure. Just the thought of seeing the man again scared her as much as she had been the night she was attacked. "Never.."  
  
Luka watched as she trembled in the darkness and slid over on the bed, pushing himself up closer to where she was, standing only feet from her. He watched as she wiped her face with her sleeve, choking on the phlegm and saliva in her throat, struggling to stay on her feet.   
  
"Abby.. ok, you don't have too.. we won't go." He comforted her, wanting to reach out and grab her. She shook her head as he extended his arm, reaching for her hand. He grasped hers in his own and held it tightly, moving in closer. "Abby… we won't go."   
  
"I hate him.." she cried, covering her face with her free hand. She wiped her face, gripping to Luka for dear life. "Luka.. I hate him." She sobbed, as her body inched closer to his, before she lost it and she fell into his arms, burying her face in his chest, falling into a fit of sobs.   
  
He jumped at her reaction, and swallowed, unsure if touching her would be ok. But his emotions won over and her carefully wrapped his arms around her body, protectively like a father would do to a small child. Her sobs became muffled in his shirt, and he could feel the wetness seeping through to his chest. He ignored it all as he began stroking her back, whispering words of comfort to her as she cried.   
  
"Shh… ok.. Abby you'll be ok."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~  
  
I'm gonna hold you 'til your hurt is gone  
Be the shoulder that you're leaning on  
I'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
If it all should end tonight  
I'll know it was worth the fight  
And we'll be standing here  
For the next 100 years  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~  
  
  
6/10/01   



	11. Bonheur Trompé- Part 11

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 11*  
by Kelly   
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.   
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com   
  
The music in this story is "Blessed" by Elton John   
  
Writer's Notes: There is an old legend about a ghost called "Resurrection Mary" that haunts the streets and clubs of an area just outside of Chicago. You need to know that to understand a small statement in this story.  
  
Note: The use of indicate the start of a flashback and indicte the end of one.  
  
Big thanks to Carolina and Shannon who give me great idea's and take a look at these fics before they're done, telling me how I'm doing! Thanks guys!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Hey you, you're a child in my head  
You haven't walked yet  
Your first words have yet to be said  
But I swear you'll be blessed  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The moonlight shone brightly on the dark roads of the highway, glaring on the hoods of the cars that inched slowly along. The heat was on full blast and shooting from the car vents with great force, warming the skin of Luka who sat in the driver's seat, his head resting in his left arm that was set on the armrest of his seat. The traffic was at a practical standstill, and their car was completely surrounded by others. Swarms of red, black, white, blue, even a yellow car sat still near them, all full of drivers and passengers who looked ready to ring each other's necks.  
  
Holding his foot firmly on the brake, Luka reached over and turned the radio off, and adjusted the vents angles so they blew toward Abby, making sure she was warm. He looked at her sleeping face, the way her head was positioned on the headrest. Her face was peaceful and serene, her lips clasped firmly together in a straight line, and her eyes locked shut, her breathing light.   
  
He turned his head to the left and looked into the car next to him. A woman sat in the driver's seat, a cell phone to her ear and a teenage boy sat up next to her. His head was bouncing up and down, obviously moving his head along with the music that was blaring from the headphones he had on his head. Luka smirked as he watched the woman tug the headphones from the boy's head, tossing them into the back seat.  
  
A car honked loudly up ahead, causing Luka to only sigh again. The traffic inched along slowly, stretching for miles ahead of them. He turned again to the car next to them, only to see the boy had again placed his headphones on his head as his mother talked next to him, her arms moving about wildly.   
  
"There she goes." He whispered under his breath, laughing as the woman began barking at the boy, her arms flapping around faster and faster.   
  
There was something about the scene unfolding in front of him that made Luka smile. Sure, the boy was getting in trouble, but the sight of the woman scolding him made him laugh. There was something in the way she moved that reminded him of Abby, and he could only imagine her in only a few years, having to scold their own child.   
  
A little boy, he could imagine him running through the yard, shrieking happily as he played. Jumping through puddles of water left by the rain, or sitting happily in his crib, tugging at the bars, bouncing on his bottom as he waited for attention. That had been a favorite past time of Marko's. He would sit in his crib, staring at the door, waiting for someone to walk in. As soon as they had, his face would light up and he would let out a loud laugh, bouncing happily until he was nestled in their arms.   
  
But then again, he also imagined having a little girl. Dressing her in little dresses or overalls, watching her have tea parties with her stuffed animals. He could almost envision her, the short dark hair like Abby, playfully hiding her face behind her hands, playing hide and seek with him. He could hear Jasna's laughter, and could see her tugging her doll with her everywhere.   
  
Turning again back to Abby as the car sat still, he smiled and adjusted his seat, moving closer toward the steering wheel. Peering down at her stomach, knowing that person would be there in only a few short months made him wonder, and amazed him in only a few short seconds.   
  
You've wanted this for so long, he thought to himself, tapping his hands on the steering wheel as the traffic began to glide along again. He lost sight of the car next to him, as the woman turned the car off an exit ramp. A sign for the town he needed was up ahead, and he pulled the car into a new lane, pushing the turn signal on, as the click from it grew loud in his ear.   
  
"I love you Abby." He whispered as low as he could, watching the bumper of the car in front of him. He knew she hadn't heard him, he hadn't wanted her to. But it gave him a sense of peace in allowing the words to escape; only hoping she still knew he did.  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I know you're still just a dream  
your eyes might be green  
Or the bluest that I've ever seen  
Anyway you'll be blessed  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The sounds of snoring came faintly from the hard oak floor of the bedroom as Luka's figure flipped over. His body turned to rest on his stomach, leaving his face buried deep in the pillow he was rested upon, leaving the snoring a soft muffle.  
  
"Baby, this will be so much fun." He whispered evilly, as he tugged her along the dark, chilly street. "A whole night to ourselves."  
  
His hand covered her mouth, his fingers wrapped tightly around her nose and lips, preventing her from breathing. She remained still in his arms, terrified to move or make a sound.  
  
"Don't worry bitch, we're almost there." He sneered, whipping around a corner, keeping his eyes on the surroundings, watching.   
  
Abby let out a small whimper as her hand flung across the bed, her body and mind still fast asleep. "Don't." she whispered dully, as Luka's muffled snores grew louder again. "No."  
  
"Stay still you fucking bitch." He yelled angrily, whacking his hand violently across her face. Her head snapped to the side along the mattress, her loud cries growing louder as she shrieked in pain.  
  
"Stop." Abby whispered, choking on the blood that filled her mouth, sliding down her throat.  
  
"I thought I told you to shut up!" He ordered, angrily climbing back on top of her, pounding on her legs with his fists. "The only thing I want to hear from you are moans of pleasure.' He laughed, sneering at her.   
  
"Stop it." She mumbled, her voice growing full of emotion as she turned in bed, pulling the sheets from over her, tangling them in a ball as she slept. The howling of the wind outside the cabin grew louder as it blew through the leave less trees and open space that surrounded them.   
  
"You say anything to anyone I'll fucking kill you." He whispered, his hands wrapped around her neck as he held her to the bed, his grip growing tighter. "I'll find your house and I'll cut your fingers off one by one. Then I'll slice your toes off. And I'll get your baby, and kill that too. Maybe I'll even kill your husband, you'd like that wouldn't you?" He squeezed her harder, shaking her head forcefully. "Do you hear me!"  
  
She let out a sob, trying desperately to get some air into her lungs, fighting to remain conscious. "Ye.. ye" she got out, as he let his grip go, freeing her and allowing her to breathe. He shoved her head harshly back onto the mattress, jumping from her body. As his feet met the floor, he kicked an empty beer bottle out of the way and reached for his lit cigarette that sat in a broken ashtray nearby.   
  
"Want some?' he asked, laughing from the back of his throat. "You're a smoker, I can tell." He said, taking another drag, dropping back next to her with a lead-like thud. "Oh, don't want one?' he asked, acting as though he were hurt. "Maybe this way will be better."' He thrashed, pushing the lit end onto Abby's upper thigh, holding it there. "Or maybe here." He threatened, pressing it to her neck. "You know you like it."   
  
"No.. stop." She said louder, as her head twisted back and forth on her pillow, her body stuck in one position as she laid on her left side. "Not Luka, leave him alone." She cried, her voice growing louder than the whisper it had been at.   
  
Her eyes watched the large knife that sat on the night table, teetering dangerously close to the edge. The dark black handle that held the large, sharp knife, exactly like the one that sat in her own kitchen, in the back of a drawer.   
  
"I like you ya know, maybe I'll keep you longer." He called through the darkness from the bathroom as the water ran. "I like watching you suffer."  
  
Abby gulped, afraid to move her body as she laid in the bed. She moved her hand slowly up to her head, where she wiped her forehead and pulled back, her hand full of a warm substance she knew was her own blood. She could feel it seeping from her pores, soaking the sheet beneath her. The deep cut he had made in her leg, a warning of possibly slicing her throat, was burning as the cold air hit it. An eerie buzzing filled the room, sending shivers down Abby's spine.   
  
"I know where I could take you." He laughed, as he strolled from the bathroom, pulling his pants on. "I'll take you to that fucking cemetery, maybe that resurrection girl will help you.' He laughed louder, throwing his head back and shaking as he did. "Laugh you bitch, that was fucking funny!" he demanded, his laughing ceasing. He crossed the room, and whacked Abby's nude body, reaching for the knife that sat nearby. "Laugh damn it!"  
  
Abby lay terrified, her eyes watching his every move as he whacked her again, punching her harder and harder as he grew angrier. The way his hand whipped across her skin, his nails slicing her like a razor blade, pulling her it felt in two, her insides falling out.   
  
"Stop it!" she finally cried, loud enough that she herself woke up with a jolt, and Luka shot up from the floor, his blanket stuck to the waistband of his sweatpants. "Stop it!" she screamed again, as her eyes opened wide and she nearly fell out of the bed, her body entangled in the sheets and blankets that kept her warm.   
  
"Abby." Luka said loudly, shaking her arm, rushing over toward her, preventing her from falling from the bed to the cold floor. "Abby, it was a nightmare, you are ok." He soothed her, as she turned to watch him, her eyes wide and full of immense fear.   
  
She sat shaking violently on the bed, as Luka adjusted the blankets around her, detangling them from her legs. Her head was light; the room was spinning before her. She wanted to vomit, her body shook, her head pounded, her stomach began to turn, she needed to vomit.. The gagging started, and her body grew warm, before her stomach expelled everything that sat in it. It came up all over the sheets, her sweatshirt, and covered her face. The remains of it trickled from her lips as she choked, pushing her hands into her eyes.  
  
"He wouldn't stop." She trembled, as Luka returned quickly from the nearby bathroom with a damp washcloth and a large towel. Holding the towel in his hands, he went to clean her with the washcloth and brushed the remains of the vomit from her hands, cleaning her face with it. He nodded and blew through his lips, soothing her as he cleaned the mess, his feet frozen on the cold floor.  
  
"It is ok." He soothed, cleaning the vomit from her hands, pulling the soiled blankets back, gathering them into a large heap and threw them into a ball outside the bedroom door. "He isn't able to hurt you anymore." He comforted her. "I will start the bath, it will help you feel better."  
  
He shuffled quickly to the bathroom, listening to the sounds of Abby as she climbed from the bed, and turned to watch as she stifled back a sob. Pushing through the bathroom door, he leaned over the tub and turned the large knob, waiting as the flood of water began pouring from the faucet. Plugging up the drain, he tested the temperature and allowed the tub to begin filling, pulling a new washcloth and towel from a cabinet, setting them atop the toilet. Stepping back, he watched as Abby entered the bathroom, her body still trembling from the fear of the dream.   
  
"He was telling me he would kill you." She mumbled, wiping her nose loudly as Luka watched, his heart breaking in two. "He was going to cut off my fingers and hurt the baby." She choked.  
  
"Nobody will hurt any of us." He assured her, as she stumbled toward the tub, her arms wrapped protectively around her front, the soiled sweatshirt reeking of the smell of vomit. "I promise." he assured her, aching to reach out and take her in his arms. This nightmare got worse as time progressed. He wanted to pinch himself and wake up, like it all had been a bad dream. Hold her in his arms, kiss her and make everything all better, he ached for the day he could do that again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
And you, you'll be blessed  
You'll have the best  
I promise you that  
I'll pick a star from the sky  
Pull your name from a hat  
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that  
You'll be blessed  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
He stood across the dimly lit living room area, holding a warm cup of coffee in his hands. They were wrapped tightly around it, allowing the heat to penetrate through the cup and warm his large hands. The dark wood floor was chilly under his feet that were covered with thick wool socks he had purchased earlier that day. He stood watching Abby who was sprawled out on the couch, her legs covered with a dark blanket.  
  
"Do you want anything Abby?" he asked, walking toward her, setting his body down on the oak coffee table, placing the porcelain cup down next to him.   
  
"I'm ok." She replied, staring ahead into the flickering fire in the stone fireplace. The glimmer of the orange flame reflected in the lenses of her reading glasses that sat on her face. She moved her feet, pulling the left one over the right one.  
  
"Maybe some milk, or do you want some food?" he asked again, tugging at his socks, adjusting the tops around his ankles, pulling the legs of his jeans down.  
  
"No, I'm good." She replied with a small smile, twirling the bracelet latched around her arm. Her smile quickly faded, as her head snapped down, her gaze now at her legs and the blanket that covered them.  
  
"Ok." He said slowly, flashing a small grin back at her, an aching again building in his chest. He wasn't even sure why it was building this time; it seemed to be a normal occurrence now. He began playing with the crease in his pants, pressing his ring finger against it, and running it along it over and over again.   
  
They sat in silence for a minute, an overwhelming awkwardness filling the room. The steady clattering of the water faucets could be heard, sending an eerie chill down Luka's spine.  
  
"Abby, what is the matter?" he asked in a hushed tone, moving himself closer to her, teetering on the end of the coffee table. He heard her all too familiar muffled cries, and saw the wiping of her face. "Abby?"  
  
"Nothing." She mumbled, pressing against her eyes with her thumb. "I just have something in my eye."  
  
"Abby." He said, his voice long and strained. The Abby seemed to last for minutes, just going and going. "What is the matter?" he repeated, trying to get it out of her. He watched her head inch to move, slower and slower.  
  
"What's the matter?" Abby whispered, repeating his words as she turned her head toward him. The glitter of her brown eyes met his, grabbing him like someone's hand yanking on him.   
  
"You can talk to me." He assured her, resting his arms on his legs and allowing all of his weight to fall on them. His fingers were held firmly under his elbows, digging deep into his skin. "Please?" he practically begged.  
  
Abby paused for a moment as his dark eyes continued to watch her intently. He blinked again and again, licking his lips, awaiting her response. His feet moved along the floor, tapping nervously. She continued to play with her hands as she sniffled back another sob, brushing a stray tear away.  
  
"I'm scared to death." She finally whispered, dropping her head again, her hair falling around her face.  
  
"Of what?" he asked carefully, taking a deep breath. "He is dead Abby, you saw him dead. He cannot hurt you ever again."  
  
She sat silently again, gulping the air down into her lungs. "That doesn't mean I'm still not scared." She mumbled, picking at the fuzz on the blanket, yanking it off in large hunks. "But it isn't even that anymore.."  
  
"What is it?" he asked caringly. "You can tell me."  
  
"I'm not worth it Luka." She whispered, almost inaudibly, turning her head away. "It's not fair to you. You shouldn't be wasting your time with me."  
  
That statement sent a shock throughout his entire body, numbing him to the core. It felt like the breath had been knocked out of him, leaving him to only gasp for it. His face felt warm and his feet as cold as ice as his heart fell to his stomach, he could feel it thumping down there.   
  
"Do not ever say that." He said, his tone growing serious as his voice shook. "Abby.. look at me." He said trying to catch his own breath. "Abby."  
  
Her head turned slowly and he caught glimpse of her eyes that were rimmed with dark bags underneath them. Her eyeballs themselves were bloodshot, bright red with tears welding in them.   
  
"Do not ever say that you are not worth it. Abby." He ordered, staring hard at her. "Do you know how much I love you?"  
  
She sat silent, playing with her fingers. "I've done nothing for you Luka." She choked, fumbling with her thumbs. "You deserve someone better, who can give you what you deserve. I won't let you kiss me, or sleep with me.. Luka I want to let you but I'm too scared."  
  
"I know you are scared." He replied quietly. "But Abby, I do not care about the kissing or the sex. When you are ready we can do all of that again. But I want you to feel comfortable. I love you more than I thought I would ever love someone Abby, and having you with me is all I need." He continued, lifting his arm and brushing her shirt brown hair from her face, hitting against the rim of her glasses. "And how can you say that you have given me nothing? Abby, you are having our baby, that is the greatest thing in the entire world." He said as her hand twitched nervously, brushing along the pillow she had yanked onto her legs. "I cannot even tell you how I feel every time I look at you. My heart has been aching since that night, and it aches more every time I see or hear you cry. But God, Abby, whenever I look at you and see your stomach growing more, knowing that our baby is in there, I cannot even start to describe how excited I get. But do not ever say you are not worth it Abby, because you are." He finished, rubbing his hand up her arm slowly, closing his fingers around her hand.   
  
She sat silent, staring at him as he finished speaking, chewing on her bottom lip, drawing blood into her mouth. The warmth of his hand filled hers as she gasped, stretching her ankles under the blanket.   
  
"Why do you stay Luka?" she mumbled, pushing the blanket off of her lap and onto the floor as her body heat rose, causing her skin to clam under the thick sweatshirt she was wearing.  
  
"Because I love you." He replied without thought, squeezing her hand. "Abby, I am not going to leave. It does not matter how long it takes you to heal, I am going to wait."  
  
The fire crackled loudly at that moment, catching the attention of both Abby and Luka who turned toward it, watching as the flames roared and ate away at the large log that sat in the fireplace. The bright orange and red glistened and stung their eyes as it warmed the room with a comforting heat and light smell of burning wood.  
  
"Ow.." Abby gasped lowly, letting her grip go on Luka's hand as she adjusted her position on the coach, pulling her body into an upright position, leaning back against the arm of the couch. Falling back into the pillow behind her, she let out another sigh as Luka watched.  
  
"What?" Luka asked, sounding alarmed as he pulled his arms up from his knees and sat straight.   
  
"Nothing." She replied, pulling her arm out from under her and resting it aside her body on the cushion. "The baby kicked.. hard." She mumbled, turning to meet his gaze as he watched her intently, a small grin appearing on his face.   
  
"Oh." Was all he said, stopping short of continuing. He opened his mouth to continue and closed it again, sucking in the air as he did, holding his head down. He sat there like that for a minute as he took another deep breath, and exhaled loudly. "Abby?" he asked almost like a small child who knew he had done something wrong.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Could I.." he started before he paused, squeezing his fist tightly into a ball. "Could I feel it?" he asked, almost sheepishly, as he allowed his fist to release, opening wide onto his lap and began tapping his finger nervously.   
  
She didn't reply, but only sat there as she pushed on the glasses that sat on her face. He almost regretted asking, afraid he had again upset her. But instead of shaking her head, she began to nod slowly, running her fingers up and down the fabric of the couch.   
  
He sat still for a second, unsure of what to do. Finally, he lifted his hand from his lap and reached the short distance to the couch. Pushing himself to the end of the coffee table, he sat on the edge and reached to her body. He watched as she squirmed uneasily as he moved closer, and slowly set his hand on top of her swollen stomach. Allowing it to rest there, he moved his body closer and waited until he felt it.   
  
"Oh Abby." He sighed, as he exhaled in one big happy sigh as he felt it. His heart jumped when he felt the kick against his hand, causing a rush of adrenaline to run through him, a feeling of absolute excitement building in his stomach.   
  
She watched his expression as he held his hand on her stomach and his reactions as he felt the kicks. How he smiled and laughed as he felt them, how he moved his hand around, following the movements. Watching him, she herself couldn't stop from smiling, reacting to how excited Luka was.   
  
"Luka, I'm sorry." She apologized in a hushed tone, looking to him as she caught his attention, his hand remaining on her stomach.   
  
"Abby, you do not need to be sorry." He replied, taking his free hand and grasping her hand with it. "I know that this has all been horrible and hard."  
  
"I want to try Luka, I want to be close to you again." She confessed. "I want you to hold me, and to be able to feel the baby kick. I want you to be there in the delivery room holding my hand, making sure that everything is ok."  
  
"I will be there." He promised her. "And nothing is going to go wrong Abby, you have done such a great job of taking care of our baby. Everything will be fine."  
  
"You know that…" she started in a low voice before he cut her off.  
  
"Abby, listen to me. I know that the baby could be bipolar, but the chance is even greater our baby will be healthy." He said, as he rubbed her stomach, never wanting to remove his hand. "But we will love it if it is sick or not, do you hear me? If he is sick, we will make sure he is on medication to keep him healthy, and we will make sure that he does stay healthy."  
  
She nodded her head gently as he spoke, watching his facial expression. Her own heart ached as she watched him, and she wanted to reach out and hug him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and never let go, but she couldn't.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
I need you before I'm too old  
To have and to hold  
To walk with you and watch you grow  
And know that you're blessed  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
6/26/01  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Bonheur Trompé- Part 12

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 12*  
by Kelly  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.   
  
The music in this story is "Simon" by Lifehouse   
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com   
  
Writer's Notes: For some odd reason, I couldn't stop writing during this part, so you get an extra long installment. It ended up being over 21 pages long. But aside from that, I needed some happiness, so there is some of that in here. Enjoy!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Catch your breath hit the wall  
Scream out loud as you start to crawl  
Back in your cage the only place  
Where they will leave you alone  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"How have you been sleeping lately?"   
  
Those were the words Abby heard that February morning as she sat in Dr. DeRaad's office, staring across the room to a big red heart that had been taped to the wall. Outside, all of the snow was melted, yet it was still deathly cold. Probably too cold to snow. From the office, Abby could see the El station through the window, and a large group of people who were gathered on the platform, all huddled together.   
  
"What?" she asked, as the sounds of his voice broke her from her trance.  
  
"I asked how you've been sleeping lately. Are the nightmares getting better?" he asked, crossing his legs in front of him. Tapping his pen in his knee, he waited for her response.   
  
"They're getting better. I'm not having them every night anymore." She replied. "And the one's I am having aren't as bad as they were."  
  
"Good." He replied, making notes in her chart. "And how about how you're feeling. You mentioned that you and Luka went out shopping the other day. It's getting easier to go out alone in public without feeling as though someone will attack you?"  
  
Abby nodded as she smiled. "I guess so. I mean, I guess knowing he isn't out there anymore, that makes it easier."  
  
"Now what about those support groups? I gave you the names and addresses of some of them last time didn't I? Have you thought anymore about going to one of those?" Dr. DeRaad asked as the smile disappeared from her face and she grew quiet again.   
  
"I don't know." She mumbled quietly as a reply. Looking down to the floor, she sat silent as he watched her, making more notations in her chart.   
  
"You don't have to go, but they would really help Abby. All of the women there, they've all been through the same sort of thing as you." He continued. "They all understand how you're feeling."  
  
She looked up hopelessly at him and sighed. "Maybe, I don't know." She finally replied.   
  
"Ok, that's alright. They meet two times a week, sometimes three, if you do decide to go."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Good, and unless there's anything else you want to talk about, we can call it quits for today." He said, closing her chart and placing it on his desk. "That was a good session."  
  
"No, I'm ok." She mumbled back.   
  
"You're making incredible progress Abby. You've opened up, you're trusting people again. Just give it time, before you know it, you won't think twice about doing anything."  
  
"I will."  
  
Nodding, he waited as she got off the couch and pulled her coat on. Holding the door open for her, he flashed her a smile. "I'll see you the same time next week, right?"  
  
"Yes." She replied, nodding. "Bye Dr. DeRaad."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Cause the weak will seek the weaker  
Til they've broken them  
Could you get it back again  
Would it be the same  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Later that afternoon, Abby fell back into the couch in the living room and sighed, looking down at the basket full of laundry that sat in front of her on the coffee table. Pushing herself up on her hands, she managed to position herself comfortably enough and grabbed for one of Luka's shirts that sat on the top of the pile. Folding it in her lap, she tossed it to the side and began folding another shirt of his.   
  
Peering out the window as she folded the laundry, she watched as their neighbor across the street teetered down her driveway, walking toward the mailbox. Reaching for a shirt of her own as she watched, she folded it quickly and piled it next to Luka's clothes. His pile by the time she had reached the bottom of the basket was twice the size of hers, and she could only imagine why he wore so many more shirts than she did. Going through the last remains of the clothes, mostly just socks, she sighed as the phone rang, and struggled to reach it.  
  
"Hello?" she said, coughing as she sat straight again, struggling to again find a comfortable position.  
  
"Abby?" the voice on the other end of the phone said.  
  
"Yes, who's this?"  
  
"Abby, it's Dr. Legaspi over at County."  
  
"Oh, hi Dr. Legaspi."  
  
"Hi. Umm.. Abby, were you aware that your mother is being released tomorrow morning?"  
  
The words that her mother was again being released made her sick to her stomach. Her being released meant she would again have to care for her until they figured out where she would go. She didn't feel she had the energy nor strength to take care of her again.  
  
"No, I didn't." she replied shortly.  
  
"Abby, did anyone ever explain your mothers current state to you?" Dr. Legaspi asked.  
  
"She had another episode, what is there to explain?"  
  
"I really shouldn't discuss this over the phone."  
  
Abby again sighed, looking back toward the laundry basket, she lifted her legs up and left them atop the coffee table, staring down at her feet that were swollen to three times what they should have been. Pulling for a pillow, she struggled to get it behind her back and groaned as she finally did, allowing herself to sink into it.   
  
"Dr. Legaspi, I really cannot get there today." She started, closing her eyes, shielding them from the sunlight that was peering through the window.  
  
"I know. Listen, all I can tell you on the phone is the episode wasn't your mom's fault this time. We checked her records with her doctor in Minnesota. They had her overmedicated, she was only following their orders."  
  
"What do you mean they had her overmedicated? They're supposed to keep track of things like that."  
  
"I know. But, she wants to talk to you. She thinks you hate her, she's afraid you won't want to see her again. Can I have her call you tomorrow after we release her?"  
  
Sitting silent for a moment, all Abby could do was shake her head and imagine what her mother would want to say. Opening her eyes, she dropped her feet to the floor and struggled to get up. Once she finally had, she started walking down the hallway, stopping to look at a photo that sat on the hall table.   
  
"She can call." She finally replied. "But you're positive it wasn't her fault this time?"  
  
"We're positive. We've had her on the 90 day hold, she's back on her meds and was more than willing to go back on them."  
  
"Ok, fine. I guess I'll talk with her tomorrow then." Abby mumbled.  
  
"Good." Dr. Legaspi replied. "I'll call you tomorrow then."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Hanging the phone up, Abby walked into the kitchen and leaned up against the refrigerator, struggling to keep her composure. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Her mother had finally gotten her life under control and then her doctors went and screwed it up. The dance was never going to end, that was obvious.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Fulfillment to their lack of strength  
At your expense  
Left you with no defense  
They tore it down  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
"Dr. Weaver! Multiple Stabbing victims coming in, ETA three minutes!" Randi called out that afternoon.   
  
"How many victims Randi?" Luka asked, as he walked up to admit, dumping a chart into another pile.  
  
"Two." She replied, snapping her gum.   
  
"Page Corday and Benton, we'll probably need them." Kerry said, as she gathered up the nurses. "I want five of O Neg in each of the trauma rooms! Luka, you go with Dr. Greene, Dr. Chen, you and Dr. Carter are with me." She called.  
  
"Did they say where they were stabbed?" Dr. Chen asked as she pulled a trauma gown on and started walking with Luka outside toward the ambulance bay.   
  
He shook his head as the cold wind hit them with a blast and began blowing his hair wildly about, brushing along his eyes. "I don't think so." He replied.  
  
They only stood for a few seconds before the first ambulance pulled up, and the patient was unloaded. Rushing her into the ER as Doris read off her vitals and current status, Luka ran alongside the gurney with Chuny as Mark met them in the trauma room.  
  
"Do we have a name?" Luka asked as they transferred the woman to the gurney.   
  
"Drivers License said Kristin Hamend."  
  
"Kristin? Can you hear me, open you eyes!" Mark said, holding her head. "Kristin."  
  
"BP's 75/60." Chuny called.   
  
"She's not responding, Glascow Coma scale 6." Mark said. "I want a full work up on her!" he called.  
  
"Pump in two units of O negative and set up for a subclavian." Luka said to Yosh.   
  
"She has good breath sounds, her pulse ox is 92." Mark said. "Chuny, call the blood bank and order 3 more of O neg stat." He ordered. "I want 10 liters by mask, a trauma panel, type and cross for four and I want a chest film now!"  
  
"She's hypotensive." Luka reported. "Set up for a Foley."  
  
"Hang two more units on the infuser."  
  
"She's stabilizing, call and book an OR!" Mark called.   
  
As the patient stabilized and Dr. Benton arrived to check her over and move her to the OR, Luka felt his own blood pressure begin to level out and he took a deep breath. The traumas were getting to him more and more each day. He knew it was from stress, but it was becoming unbearable.   
  
"Luka?" Mark called as the gurney was wheeled from the room and he pulled the trauma gown off. "Luka!"  
  
"What?" he asked, looking up.  
  
"You ok?"  
  
"What? Oh yes, I'm ok." He lied. "I'm just tired."  
  
Mark nodded, as he yanked his gloves off. "You look like you could use a night off."  
  
Luka didn't reply, just laughed and ran his hand over his face. Looking up at Mark, he let out a sigh and dropped his arms to his sides and he continued to lean against the trauma room wall.   
  
"Are you and Abby doing anything tonight?" he asked curiously as Connie ran in to grab the chart.   
  
"I do not think so." He replied, his exhaustion growing more apparent in his voice. "Why?"  
  
"How about you and Abby come over for dinner, take the night off." He suggested.   
  
"I do not want to impose."  
  
"You aren't. Lets say about 7, ok?" Mark said. "Get her out for awhile, you get some rest. You can't lose."  
  
The last remark got a chuckle out of Luka who finally nodded. "Ok, dinner at your place."  
  
"Good, now go get a cup of coffee Kovac, you look like hell."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Locked inside the only place  
Where you feel sheltered where you feel safe  
You lost yourself in your search  
To find something else to hide behind  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The wind blew lightly against their skin as they walked up the short path to Mark and Elizabeth's house. The few scattered patches of snow were dirty and frozen, covering patches of the dead grass. The light post that stood halfway up the path provided the only light for them to use as their guide.  
  
"Why did Mark invite us over again?" Abby asked as Luka held her arm, helping her up the stairs. Grasping a bottle of wine in his free hand, he shrugged his shoulders and rang the doorbell.  
  
"Just to have dinner, he thought you would enjoy a night out." Luka replied as the door swung open, revealing Elizabeth, and Ella attached to her leg.  
  
"Hello Luka, Abby." She said cheerfully as she stepped aside, allowing them inside. Once they were, she locked the door and took their coats, hanging them on a rack near the door. "It is freezing out there, isn't it?" she asked, as Luka handed her the bottle. "Thank you."  
  
Guiding them into the living room, she set the bottle down and lifted Ella into her arms. Turning to them, she smiled. "You guys can sit, Mark will be down in a minute. Ella knocked over a bunch of paperwork right before you got here." She explained as Luka and Abby sat next to each other on the couch. "Say hello to Abby and Luka, Ella." She instructed as the girl tugged at her hair.   
  
"Hi." She whispered shyly, burying her face in Elizabeth's shoulder.   
  
"Hi Ella." Abby replied, adjusting her position on the couch. Luka repeated the same and scratched his leg, looking around the living room.  
  
"I hope you like pasta, it's really the only thing I had time to cook after work." Elizabeth explained as Mark appeared on the stairs. Walking toward the living room, he took Ella from Elizabeth and sat in a chair near the couch.   
  
"It is fine." Luka replied gratefully as Ella climbed off of Mark's lap. "Hey Mark." He said, shuffling his feet on the floor.  
  
"Do you want to come into the kitchen Abby? Leave these two to talk about whatever manly things they want to discuss?" she joked as she again scooped Ella into her arms. "Come on you." She laughed.  
  
"Sure." Abby replied as she got herself up off the couch and followed Elizabeth into the kitchen. "Do you want my help with anything?" she offered, as she watched her latch Ella into a high chair.  
  
"I know she's too old for this thing but it's the only way I can keep my eyes on her." Elizabeth said as she turned away. "Oh, you don't need to help, I've just got to finish cooking the pasta and sauce."  
  
"Ok, but I don't mind helping. Luka never lets me cook anymore at home, he thinks if I do anything I'll break." Abby replied with a small smile as she leaned over the counter.   
  
Elizabeth laughed as she grabbed a wooden spoon and began stirring the contents of a pot. Wiping her hands with a dishtowel, she reached into a grocery bag the sat next to the stove and pulled out a loaf of bread.   
  
"Well in that case, you can slice this bread so I can put it in the oven." She said, as she handed Abby a knife and cutting board. "That is of course, if you are up to it."  
  
"I think I can manage." Abby laughed as she began slicing through the bread. The sounds of Mark and Luka's laugh rang through the kitchen, as did the sounds of the TV. "I guess they're having fun." She murmured.  
  
"Mark probably put on that ridiculous reality show he likes. That or they're playing with that Nintendo game he insisted he needed." Elizabeth replied as she removed the pot from the flame and dumped its contents into a strainer.   
  
"If I know Luka they're playing the video game."  
  
"Probably."  
  
As she finished cutting the bread, Abby set the knife down and moved around to the other counter where she grabbed the plates that sat in a stack. "Do you want me to set the table for you?" she asked, picking the stack up into her hands.   
  
"If you want, just them out at the kitchen table. It'll be easier than moving everything into the dining room." Elizabeth replied.  
  
"Ok." Abby agreed as she started setting them out with glasses and silverware. Setting a glass in front of one of the plates, she stood watching Ella who was happily playing with a stack of blocks and a doll in her highchair.   
  
Elizabeth turned with the bowl of pasta and watched as Abby stared, and set the bowl down on the table. Setting a serving spoon next to it, she stepped back and pushed the chairs in, grabbing a stack of napkins.  
  
"Have you started preparing for the baby?" she asked curiously as she finished with the table.   
  
Abby shook her head and smiled slightly, turning her attention back to Elizabeth who was placing the bread into a basket. "Not unless you consider a receiving blanket and a diaper bag preparations." She replied.   
  
"You sound like I did. Mark and I didn't even begin shopping for her until I was about 8 months. And then we rushed out and bought everything we could think of." Elizabeth laughed. "You've still got a bit of time though. And if you'd like, I kept most of Ella's baby clothes. They'd come in handy, if it is a girl though."  
  
Abby nodded, placing the basket on the table. "Thank you." She said.   
  
"When is your due date?"  
  
"April 13."  
  
Elizabeth nodded. "Have you sent Luka out on any 3am ice cream runs yet?" she joked, as she washed the last pot and left it in the dish drain. "I think we're ready."  
  
"Not yet." Abby laughed. "I'll go get them." She offered.  
  
Walking down the short hallway, she re-entered the living room where she found both Mark and Luka sitting in front of the television, their shoes off and in a pile to the side. Each was holding a controller and was pressing the buttons hard enough to break the remotes.  
  
"No! Damn it, I was going for that!" Mark cried as he started pressing harder.  
  
"You're still beating me." Luka replied as a huge explosion burst across the screen. "No!"  
  
"If you two are done, dinner's ready." Abby called over the commotion.  
  
"Be there is a second." Mark replied quickly. "Die damn it!"  
  
As she made her way back to the kitchen, Abby found Elizabeth seated at the table, placing a small bowl of the food in front of Ella. Taking a seat across from her, she let out a large sigh and closed her eyes for a second.  
  
"They'll be here in a minute, Mark's busy beating the crap out of Luka." She informed Elizabeth with another sigh.   
  
"I figured that." Elizabeth replied as she handed Ella a spoon. "Do you want to put your feet up? I could get an extra chair." She offered.  
  
"No, I'll be ok." Abby replied. "Just need to sit for awhile."  
  
"That is one part I do not miss." Elizabeth said, filling a cup with a small amount of milk.   
  
"I won't miss it either."  
  
"Ok, we're here." Mark announced as he and Luka entered the kitchen. "What are we eating?"  
  
"Nice to see you too." Elizabeth muttered. "Mark, go get the other carton of milk from the refrigerator." She ordered him.   
  
As he did, Luka made his way around the table and kissed the top of Abby's head before he sat down. Pulling himself in, he turned to her and smiled.  
  
"Are you ok?" he asked, as the bowl of pasta began to get passed around.  
  
"Yeah." She replied, reaching for her glass. "Did you win?" she asked.  
  
"I beat him for everything he's worth." Mark called from the counter.   
  
"I'll win next time, I just needed a practice." Luka replied with a grin. "I say we have a re match after dinner."  
  
"Ooh, sounds like fun." Elizabeth said sarcastically. "Ella, eat your dinner baby." She said, turning to the high chair where she was smacking her hands up and down.  
  
"Mommy!!!!!" she screeched, slamming her hands down. "Mommy!!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Pasgetti!" she cried happily and she shoved her hand into the bowl of noodles, splashing sauce all over the place. Lifting them out, her hands went immediately to her hair, streaking it with a red sauce.  
  
Luka couldn't help but smile as Ella clapped her hands happily, as Elizabeth attempted to wipe the sauce from her hands and hair. Mark too was standing nearby, hiding his laughter and began coughing.   
  
"Ella, stop it." Elizabeth ordered. "Eat that, do not play with it."  
  
Turning to Luka, Abby noticed the smirk on his face and smacked his arm. "If you ever laugh at that I'll hurt you." She whispered playfully. "And I'll make you clean it up."  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
The fearful always preyed upon your confidence  
Did they see the consequence they pushed you around  
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones  
Breaking them til they've become just another crown  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The fresh sheets and clean comforter felt warm and comforting around their legs and ankles as the nighttime darkness surrounded them, entrapping them in an eerie shadow. The darkness engulfed their bodies in a warmth that had been lacking for so long.   
  
"Have you felt it yet?" Abby whispered through the darkness as she felt the weight of Luka's head resting heavily on her chest. His hand felt warm against her exposed skin, her nightshirt pulled up just below her chest.   
  
The scars were healing both physically and emotionally. The burns on her stomach were nearly invisible, and the cuts throughout her body were completely healed.   
  
"No." Luka replied as Abby's fingers ran through his hair, twisting it nervously between them. "Is she moving?" he asked, as he swallowed and exhaled, his breath hot as it hit her skin. He pressed his hand against her stomach harder, attempting to feel something.   
  
Adjusting her body and moving her arm, Abby let out a large sigh and Luka tugged the blankets up her legs, keeping her warm. "She hasn't stopped." She whispered back, as she stopped twirling his hair. "Give me your hand," she instructed, taking his hand and moving it over her stomach, resting it above her belly button. Setting it down, she held her hand atop his and waited for his response.  
  
Holding his hand they sat in silence for a moment. The sound of their breathing filtered softly throughout the room, creating the only noise they heard. The dark sky outside gleamed with the soft glow of the moon that shone in the sky, shining through the curtains that covered the window.  
  
"Luka, how can you not feel that?" Abby asked in an exasperated tone. She took her hand from his and moved it lower on her abdomen before stopping. "Move your hand." She instructed.   
  
Moving his hand lower as he adjusted his head on her chest, Luka finally let out a small chuckle. "Now I feel it." He whispered, holding his hand firmly against her stomach. His face scrunched as he laughed, the creases in his forehead becoming apparent as he did.   
  
The pattering against his hand grew stronger as Abby moved her body. Her muscles were sore and stiff, and her ankles were becoming more and more swollen as the days passed.  
  
"She really is moving around a lot." Luka said, his voice giddy with excitement. He moved his head closer to her stomach, resting now only a few short inches from it. "I think that the baby is a girl." He whispered, moving his hand over further as the pattering continued against his dry, cracked skin.   
  
Abby swallowed loudly after he spoke those few words and began playing with his hair again. She listened as the clock that sat on the night table next to her ticked away, clicking in her left ear.   
  
"Why?" she asked quietly, twirling a strand of his short hair around her ring finger, entangling it with her wedding ring. The warmth of Luka's breath against her stomach was causing goose bumps to form up and down her arms, leaving the rest of her body with a cold chill.   
  
"I have a feeling." He replied as he took his hand and began tracing lines on her enlarged stomach with his fingers slowly. As he fumbled with the sheets that covered his legs with his free hand, a giddy feeling in his own stomach rose. "We are having a baby, Abby." He mumbled, staring into the darkness of the bedroom.   
  
He could feel his neck twist and his head move as Abby's body moved beneath him, the feeling of her fingers on his scalp were soft and comforting. She laughed softly, rocking his head gently back and forth.   
  
"You getting nervous?" she asked as Luka pulled his head from her chest and sat up next to her, looking down at her face. Folding his legs in front of him, he tugged the sleeves of his shirt from his elbows to over his wrists and smiled.  
  
"No." he lied, the tone of his voice growing playful.  
  
"You are the worst liar I know." Abby laughed lightly, as she looked up at him. The sparkle of his eyes was easily seen through the dark room. She followed them with her own as he sat staring down at her, as he unfolded his hands from his lap and moved them towards her. "What?" she asked, as his face grew solemn. "Luka?"  
  
Leaning over, closer to her face, he pushed his right hand into a pillow and smiled. "You're beautiful." He whispered, as he softly kissed her forehead. As he pulled away, he moved his head down, becoming eye to eye with her, resting his forehead upon hers. "I've missed you." He whispered softer as he looked into her eyes and took a breath.   
  
Before he realized what he was doing, Luka could feel his lips as they inched closer to hers, slowly reaching them. As they did, it ignited a feeling neither had felt for months. Once the realization set in, he broke free, moving his face away from hers as he watched her eyes open.   
  
"Abby, I'm sorry." He quickly apologized, staring at her face as she lifted her left arm slowly, and wrapped it around him.   
  
"No." she whispered, smiling. "It's… ok." She murmured, pulling him back down, closer to her again. "I'm ok."  
  
As their lips met again, Luka pushed his body weight and moved himself closer to Abby's body, resting right next to her. As they broke apart, he smiled down at her and pressed his lips to her forehead again, kissing her softly. Carefully and gently, he made his way down the side of her face, planting kisses as he moved lower.   
  
Reaching her neck, he paused for a minute until her felt her nod and brushed her collarbone with his fingers, trailing it with kisses, and gentle blows on her skin. Following along the whole length of her collarbone, he moved slowly and gently, taking it in like each minute was his last. Sitting up, he ran his hands down her arm and took her hand into his own. Pulling it close to his face, he began kissing each finger, watching her as he did so.  
  
"You sure?" he whispered, his voice barely audible in the room. Watching as she took in a deep breath and let it out, she nodded slowly.   
  
"Yes." She replied in a hushed tone, attempting to relax her muscles of their tension. Closing her eyes, she laid still as Luka continued kissing her hands, sucking on her fingers. Twisting her body nervously as he began moving, she opened her eyes back up and stared up to the ceiling, exhaling loudly as he began tracing lines down her sides with his fingers.  
  
"I won't hurt you Abby." He whispered reassuringly as his fingers tickled her left side, and began fiddling with her nightshirt, pulling it slowly up further than it already was. "I promise."  
  
She nodded and moved her hands up as he played with her nightshirt, laying them next to her head on the pillow, flexing her fingers. Looking down to him, she could feel the fabric as it inched slowly up her body, revealing her chest. His hands felt warm against her skin, instantly warming her to the touch as he allowed them to wander slowly.  
  
"Luka.." she mumbled, closing her eyes and sighing as he stopped and moved up close to her again, latching his lips to hers. Probing into her mouth, he too closed his eyes, allowing himself to wander without worry.  
  
"Abby! Luka!" a voice called through the door, causing Luka to jolt away from Abby, pushing his hair back. "Abby?"  
  
Opening her eyes, Abby let out a small sigh, looking up to Luka who was pulling himself from the bed and to his feet. "I will go." He said, reaching for his robe that was thrown on a nearby chair.   
  
As he approached the door, Abby tugged her nightshirt back down and pulled the blanket up over her legs, pulling herself upright in the bed. Leaning back against the pillows and headboard, she reached for the lamp switch and turned the light on, as Luka tugged the bedroom door open.  
  
"Oh, Luka." Maggie said, sounding surprised, "I didn't want to wake you or Abby up, I didn't want to be any trouble." She started, rubbing her hands up and down her arms, shivering in the cold air. "But I was just in the bathroom and there's a puddle of water on the floor, I think a faucet or pipe is leaking."  
  
"Oh." He replied, glancing back to Abby who sent him an amused smile and rolled her eyes. "Thank you Maggie.." he continued, pulling socks onto his feet. "I will go look."  
  
"I just didn't want it to get bigger, leaks can get expensive." She replied, glancing into the bedroom. "Oh, did I wake you too Abby?' she asked as Luka laughed under his breath and left the room. "Sweetie, go back to sleep, you need your rest."  
  
Entering the room, she pushed the door shut behind her, leaving only a small crack open. Abby watched as she walked across the bedroom and sat herself down on the bed, smiling at her.   
  
"I didn't mean to wake you." She apologized, pulling one of her legs up on the bed, under her body while allowing her other to hang off the side of the bed.  
  
Abby shook her head, pushing her hair behind her ear. "It's ok." She mumbled, lowering her head as she paused before raising it again. "I wasn't sleeping."  
  
Maggie sat silent for a moment, staring at Abby and running her hand along the bed sheet. "Look at you." She grinned, tapping her fingers as she smiled and adjusted her bodyweight. The sound of a large clank came from down the hall, as Luka called out a quick sorry, causing Abby to laugh lightly. "Having your own baby." She finished.   
  
Abby didn't reply, but just slowly nodded her head. She knew deep inside that the episode hadn't been Maggie's fault this time, but there was still a part to her afraid to completely trust her. She was too afraid if she trusted her, and allowed herself to grow close to her, she would only get hurt again. She was sick of being hurt.   
  
"I'm proud of you Abby." Maggie continued, as Abby lifted her head to look at her. Catching her gaze, she smiled at her. "You've been through a lot, but you never gave up. Like I always did."  
  
"Mom, don't." she went to reply before she got cut off.  
  
"No, it's true Abby. You put up with me and took care of your brother all your life. You made it through your marriage with Richard, and all the problems you had then." She continued, as she pushed her body with her hands and moved over on the bed. "I know about the rape Abby." She said quietly, peering up to watch her.  
  
The mention of the rape caused Abby to grow very still, and her face grew solemn. Peering back down where she could no longer see Maggie, she swallowed and folded her hands in her lap. "Who told you?" she whispered.  
  
"Nobody told me. I heard bits and pieces of the story when I was in the hospital." She replied. "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
She didn't reply, but only played with her fingers, scratching at her arm. An awkward silence filled the room, as they both listened to the clanking coming from the bathroom down the hallway.   
  
"I'm your mother Abby, you can talk to me."  
  
"Being raped isn't something I like to talk about." Abby shot back, looking up. Biting her lip after she said that, she only shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry." She apologized.  
  
"I never meant for this to happen." Maggie said softly, as she tapped at Abby's leg, looking to get her attention. "I was doing so well. My job was great, I had a nice apartment. I didn't want to hurt you again."  
  
Sighing, as she tugged the blankets from around her legs, Abby nodded. "I know you didn't, I don't blame you this time."  
  
"Look at me." Maggie said, turning toward the window quickly and then back. "Abby, look at me." She ordered. "You're happy now Abby, I can tell that you are. You're a completely new person from the one I saw the last time I was here. Don't let this ruin that. You married a wonderful man who loves you, I know he does. Richard never loved you the way Luka does, did he?"  
  
Just watching her, Abby listened and waited for her to finish. The sound of a car outside filtered through the walls, as the honking grew louder. "No." she whispered.   
  
"Don't shut him out Abby. I've only been staying here a few days but I can tell he wants to help you, let him do that. And don't worry about this baby; you will be a great mother Abby. I've known that since you were a little girl. You acted like Eric's mom, and you always watched out for him. You were always good with kids; don't worry about your own. This baby will be fine and you and Luka will love it."  
  
As she finished, she had gathered Abby in her arms like she had 2 years earlier. Running her hand along the back of her head, stroking her gently, she rocked her back and forth like she realized she should have done years and years ago.   
  
"You deserve a good life Abby, you have one now. Enjoy it sweetie, don't waste it worrying about things that could happen."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
And I have felt the same as you  
I've felt the same as you  
I've felt the same as you  
I've felt the same  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Maybe the three of us could go out for dinner?" Maggie suggested that evening as she pushed her way through the front door of the house, clutching the shopping bags in her hands. "Or maybe I could cook something for us?" she wondered aloud, as she allowed Abby past and dumped the shopping bags on a chair in the living room. "I saw you had some frozen chicken, I could make that."  
  
Dumping the shopping bags from her hands, Abby turned toward the corner table that sat near the front door and began tugging her jacket off, peeling it from her body. "I have a meeting later," she replied, shoving her gloves into the pockets of her coat. "I'll just make something quick."  
  
"No, I'll make it." Maggie offered, taking the coat from Abby. "You go sit down, I know how to use a stove."  
  
"Mom." She protested, walking to the bottom of the stairway.  
  
"No, I'm cooking." She replied. "I'm leaving soon, then you can cook. But I'm here and I'm going to make some use of myself after everything I put you through again."  
  
Closing her eyes, Abby sighed and covered her eyes with her hand, before brushing it down her entire face, turning back to Maggie. "Fine."  
  
"Good." Maggie said, smiling. "Why don't you go find Luka? Tell him dinner will be ready in about an hour. He's working tonight, right?"  
  
"Yeah, he has to be there at 11."  
  
"Ok, now go."  
  
Shaking her head as her mom disappeared into the kitchen, Abby took hold of the banister and began walking up the stairs, stopping to pick up a screwdriver on the top step. Grasping it in her hand, she could only imagine why it was there or what Luka was up to.  
  
"Luka?" she called as she walked into their bedroom. Pushing the door open, she found the bed made, but cluttered with tools, empty boxes, and ripped plastic bags. "Luka!?" she called again, kicking a small box from in front of her feet.   
  
Down the hallway, Luka grabbed the few boxes he had left scattered and dumped them into the garbage can. Heading toward the bedroom, he grinned and turned the hallway light off. "Abby?" he called, as he entered the bedroom.  
  
"What is all this?" she asked, pointing toward the mess on the bed.   
  
"I have to show you something." He replied, grinning. "Come here."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It is a surprise."  
  
Grasping his hand around her wrist, he led her down the hallway to an extra bedroom, and put his hand around the doorknob. Watching her wait impatiently, he laughed and let go of her wrist.  
  
"Close your eyes." He instructed, turning the doorknob. "Do not peek."  
  
"This better be good." She mumbled playfully, tugging on the bottom of her sweater.   
  
"You ready?" he asked, as the door began to creek open.   
  
"Yes."  
  
Taking hold of her hand, he led her into the room and closed the door quickly behind them. Letting her go, he took a step back and quickly adjusted one last thing before feeling satisfied. "Ok, open your eyes." He finally instructed.  
  
As her eyes opened, Luka stood and watched as Abby's face turned to one of pure shock. He watched as her eyes lit up and she swallowed, taking in the surroundings. "Luka.." she gulped, turning her focus, looking throughout the room.   
  
"Do you like it?" he asked, moving closer to her.  
  
Not answering, she just nodded, walking toward the window. "When did you do all of this?' she asked, sounding disbelieved. "Where did you get all of this?"   
  
Her eyes were darting from place to place throughout the room, staring at everything she saw. The walls with the fresh powder blue paint, the mural that covered all four of the walls. The white clouds, and the small fairies that flew throughout the sky, each in a different pose, all with either light pink or yellow wings covered the entire room. It looked as if it had been painted by a professional, and cost a fortune. Against one of the walls sat a crib, fully furnished with bedding that matched the mural. Up against another wall sat a matching changing table stocked full of diapers and baby powder and anything else they could have possibly needed. A matching dresser stood near the door, and a rocking chair sat near the window, where he had hung curtains.   
  
Walking toward her, he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head atop hers. "When you were sleeping I painted the walls." He mumbled softly, blowing a strand of her hair from his face.   
  
"You painted that mural?" she asked softly, moving over toward the crib where she reached in, running her fingers along the crib bumper.   
  
"No." he replied, pausing for a second. "You're mom painted the mural."  
  
Staring down into the crib, she took a deep breath and began playing with the mobile that sat hanging over the railing. "My mom painted this?"  
  
"Last night, I helped her with the clouds though." He confessed. "She said she wanted to help, that she knew you always liked that mural you helped her paint when you were little."  
  
Closing her eyes, Abby smiled and turned around toward Luka. "Thank you." She whispered, leaning into him. Looking up at him, she smiled and took another glance around the room. "Where did you get all of this?"  
  
He smiled back down at her and looked over at the rocking chair. "It is from that catalogue you were looking at. It is the set you said you really liked."  
  
"Luka, this must have cost a fortune." She said, looking around.   
  
"It's ok, it was not so bad." He replied. "And the men who delivered it even put most of it together for me. I only had to pay them a little extra."  
  
Abby laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, resting her head on his chest. "What if the baby isn't a girl?" she asked curiously, eying just how geared the entire room was toward the baby being a girl.  
  
"It is… I can tell." He replied. "And if I am wrong, I guess we repaint." He laughed. Pausing, he looked down to her and kissed the top of her head. "Do you like it?' he asked.  
  
She nodded as he pulled her over toward the rocking chair, helping her down into it. Kneeling down next to her, he smiled and pressed his hand to her stomach.   
  
"I love it." She mumbled, pressing her head back into the chair.   
  
"Good." He replied, smiling up at her. "And I am scared Abby.' He confessed. "But everything will be ok."  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Refuse to feel, anything at all  
Refuse to slip, refuse to fall  
Can't be weak, can't stand still  
You watch your back cause no one will  
You don't know why they had to go this far  
Traded your worth for these scars for your only company  
Don't believe the lies that they have told to you  
Not one word was true  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So I was called to testify, and even after everything I said, and the medical records, he was only give six months behind bars, and a years worth of probation." A middle-aged woman spoke to the group that was gathered later that evening. "He gets out next week and I'm terrified I'm going to wake up one morning and he'll be outside of my apartment waiting for me."  
  
The others in the group nodded. It was a small group of women, all seated in a circle. Looking around, it wouldn't seem obvious to any stranger who walked into the meeting what they were there for, but they all had one thing in common. Every woman seated in that circle had been raped.   
  
When Abby had first walked into the meeting, a sick feeling built within her, just knowing that the other 13 women who surrounded her had been through the same hell and torture she had. But as soon as she was seated, and the talking began, she had begun to feel at ease. They immediately welcomed her, offered as much support as they could give. They each spoke of their own tales, how they were doing, what ever happened to their attackers.  
  
"What about you Abby?" one of the women named Kylee asked. "How long did your attacker get?"  
  
Sitting there, picking at her fingernails, she was taken aback at the straight forwardness of the question. Looking up to the group of women who now all had their eyes on her, she took a deep breath. They all wore comforting smiles on their faces, some nodding their heads, encouraging her to share.  
  
"He's dead." She replied slowly, looking down at her feet.   
  
"Whoa." One of the other women said, louder than she'd meant to.   
  
"How'd he die?" another asked, knowing she didn't want to pry, but her curiosity got the best of her.  
  
Staring back at them, she swallowed nervously and broke off one of her fingernails. "He raped another woman after me, and the cops shot him." She replied. "It killed him."  
  
They all sat in silence for a minute, looking toward Abby and how uncomfortable she was. Two of them glanced at each other awkwardly and then smiled at her.  
  
"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." One told her. "You don't have to share the first few times, we all know it can be awkward."  
  
"We just get curious sometimes, and we all found that sharing can help you feel better." Another finished.   
  
Abby nodded and bit her lip. "No, it's ok. It's just hard to talk about it, but you all know that." She replied quietly. Moving her feet, she stretched her legs out and sighed, arching her back as she turned back to them.   
  
"Don't worry, after awhile, it does get better. The nightmares stop, and you feel comfortable doing things again. And its not as hard to talk about it." Another woman named Monica said. "But the group here helps, we help each other through the hard times."  
  
"Yeah, sometimes we hang out even outside of here. Sometimes we all go to dinner, or shopping. It really helps, knowing there are people going through the same thing you are. "  
  
Abby sat silent; taking in everything the women around her were telling her. They gave her a sense of welcome in their group, like she belonged. She hadn't wanted to even set foot in this hall less than an hour and a half ago, but now she felt it were somewhere she wouldn't mind coming. They understood her feelings, her nightmares.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
You're alright  
You're alright  
You're alright  
And I have felt the same as you  
I've felt the same as you  
I've felt the same as you  
I've felt the same  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
07/26/01  
  
  



	13. Bonheur Trompé- Part 13

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 13*  
by Kelly  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.  
  
The music in this story is "True Colors" by Phil Collins  
  
Feedback, always appreciated: DougandCarol@hotmail.com   
  
Writer's notes: This part was actually meant to serve the purpose of a time filler between parts 12 & 14. But like usual, it ended up being just as long as all other parts anyways.   
  
Thank you to Carolina, Dawn, and Shannon who have helped me along with this fic and listened to my complaining while I wrote it!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
You with the sad eyes   
don´t be discouraged to realize   
it´s hard to take courage,   
in a world full of people.   
You can lose sight of it   
and the darkness inside you   
makes you feel so small.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Standing near an exit at the bus station, Abby leaned up against the window that stood nearby, watching as Maggie gave Luka order after order, handing him a box from her bag. Staring at the elderly man next to her, she turned again as Maggie dictated more orders on how to watch Abby and take care of her.   
  
"Don't let her tell you no. If you think something's wrong, you listen to yourself." She said, loud enough to cause Abby to hear and roll her eyes as Luka nodded, attempting to please her. "And make sure you watch her, pregnant women should not be doing all of the things she insists on doing!"  
  
"I will Maggie." He assured her, as he lifted her suitcase. "Do not worry, I will take good care of her."   
  
"Ooh! Abby!" she said, turning toward Abby and wrapping her arms around her. "I'll be good." She promised, pulling back to look at her. "But I want you to promise me you'll call me as soon as my grand daughter gets here."  
  
Looking to Luka who raised his eyebrows, she only nodded. "I'll call." She promised. "But we don't know if it's a girl." She finished, knowing that Luka had gotten to her.   
  
"Oh don't tell me that. You're going to have a little girl, I know you will." She said, hugging her again. "Take it easy." She ordered her. "I already told Luka to make sure you do."  
  
Dropping her hands to her sides as Maggie let go, she nodded and looked to Luka who was grinning and laughing, holding the suitcase by his side. Taking a deep breath, she managed to smile and nod.   
  
"I will." She promised. "You're going to miss your bus." She replied, as Luka handed Maggie the suitcase.   
  
"Fine." Maggie said, shaking her head. Leaning over one last time to Abby, she quickly kissed her cheek and hurried to the line that was slowly filing out the door. "Call me!" she called once more. "I love you Abby."  
  
Smiling at her as Luka moved to her side, tapping her gently on the arm, Abby waved quickly as Maggie disappeared out the door. Once she had disappeared, Abby let out a small sigh and collapsed onto a metal bench that sat behind her. Once she had, she allowed her head to drop onto Luka's shoulder.   
  
"You tired?" he asked, watching the last of the passengers rush by with their luggage.   
  
"Yes." She replied, stretching her legs out. "And my legs are swollen to the point where I think they're going to explode." She mumbled, moving her feet around.   
  
"You are almost done." He replied quietly, ignoring the man who sat next to him. "Only a few more weeks."   
  
"My legs aren't going to take a few more weeks." She sighed. "Neither is my back."  
  
"You will make it." He replied, kissing her quickly.   
  
Wrapping his arms around her shoulder, he allowed his own head to rest on hers as the sound of the bus filtered in front outside. Turning around, they both watched as the bus pulled away, bring Maggie with it.   
  
"Do you think she will be ok this time?" he asked, helping Abby off the bench and to her feet.   
  
"I hope so." She sighed, staring out to the now empty lot.   
  
Walking away, Luka stuck his hand in his pocket and fumbled with the small box Maggie had given him. Playing with the small lid, he pressed his finger into it as they walked, making sure it remained shut.   
  
"What did my mom give you?" Abby asked curiously as they reached the parking lot.  
  
Staring at her, Luka only grinned and opened the car door. "Nothing."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
But I see your true colours shining through.   
I see your true colours and that´s why I love you,   
so don´t be afraid to let them show,   
your true colours, true colours are beautiful, ooh  
like a rainbow.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The sun began setting in the distance as a cool breeze blew through the air, rustling the bushes and tree branches, blowing dead pieces of grass around their feet as they walked. Nearby, a group of teenagers stood around a bench, passing a box of cigarettes from person to person, watching as the smoke from the lit ends dissolved into the crisp late March air. They spoke loudly and obnoxiously, spitting phlegm onto the grass after inhaling the tar and chemicals into their lungs.  
  
Watching the cracks in the sidewalk as they walked over them, Luka thought of a story his grandfather had once told him when he and his brother Dmitri had been very small. He had told them that you had to remain very aware of the cracks in the dirt and pavement. They were never suppose to walk on the cracks, for if they did, they would be cursed with horrible luck for years, possibly their entire lifetimes.   
  
He had later realized when he was an older child that none of that was true and only a story, but for years he had believed the story. During that time, he had always remained careful to step over the cracks; for fear that he would be cursed with bad luck. Though, after the war, he had once again remembered the story, and wondered if by chance he had stepped on a crack, causing him the pain he had felt. Could stepping on a crack have killed his family? If he had stepped over just one more crack would his life have been different?   
  
Maybe Abby hadn't been careful when she was younger. Maybe stepping on the cracks in the ground had caused all of the pain and anguish in her life. Each crack possibly making things worse than they already were. What if there were no cracks in the ground, would all of their problems cease to exist?  
  
"Luka?" Abby called, bringing him out of his day dream as the group of teenagers became distant, still talking and laughing behind them.   
  
"What?" he replied, looking over to her, turning his focus from the sidewalk that was ending up ahead.  
  
"What planet were you on?" she asked with a small laugh, stopping in front of a large tree. Waiting as he dug his hands from his pockets, he sent her an odd glance and could only laugh with her.  
  
"What planet?" he asked, sounding clueless.   
  
"What were you thinking about?" she asked again, looking up to him.   
  
He laughed and shrugged his shoulders, kicking a rock that sat at his feet. Peering back to the group of teenagers who were making more and more noise, he only smiled and shrugged again. "Nothing." He replied. "Just a story that my grandfather told me once."  
  
"Oh." Abby replied shortly, looking to the direction Luka was staring. "What was the story about?"  
  
"Cracks in the ground." He replied quickly, watching as one of the teenage boys pulled one of the girls onto his shoulders and began spinning with her. Digging back into his pockets, he fumbled with his car keys and pressed them into his hands, rubbing his finger along the rugged edges.  
  
Giving him an odd look, Abby didn't reply, but only turned to watch the teenagers that Luka couldn't keep from watching. "I use to do that." She mumbled, watching as the one boy continued to spin, while another two ran to a slide that stood nearby and began climbing to the top.  
  
"You let a boy spin you on his shoulders?" he asked, sounding surprised. He could have never pictured Abby doing that, or even looking the way these teenagers did.   
  
Many were dressed in black clothing; some had colored hair that was bright pink or green. Others had odd piercings and fishnet stockings, while some were wearing big black boots and baggy jeans. They weren't causing trouble, just making lots of noise.  
  
Laughing, she moved closer to Luka, standing in front of him while he attempted to wrap his arms around her middle. Waiting as he finally settled on wrapping them around her chest and set his chin on her hand, she continued to watch. "No, but me and my friends. We would hang around in a park near school when I was their age." She replied, as he let out a sigh. "Only I never wore fishnet stockings."  
  
"I hope not." He mumbled, blowing a strand of her hair from his face.   
  
"You ok?" she asked, pulling her head back to look at him. "You were so loud all morning, now you just stopped talking." She commented, as a woman jogged by them.   
  
Silently nodding, he pulled her body closer to his, holding onto her tightly. "She would be almost their age." He mumbled quietly, allowing another, sadder sigh to escape his body.   
  
"Who would?"  
  
"Jasna." He said even quieter as Abby let out her own quiet sigh, and took hold of his wrist that was wrapped tightly around her. Wrapping her fingers around it, she kissed his arm softly and watched as the boy finally set the pink haired girl down.   
  
"She'd be fourteen, right?" Abby asked, as Luka let her go and turned around, as if to continue down the last of the sidewalk.   
  
"Yeah." He replied, as they began walking again, the voices of the teenagers fading as they got further and further away.   
  
The conversation stopped after he whispered the final yeah. Walking along the rest of the sidewalk, Luka wrapped his arm around Abby's shoulder and held her close. Looking back down to the sidewalk, he watched the cracks as they went by, and made sure to step over each one he saw.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Show me a smile   
don´t be unhappy   
can´t remember when   
I last saw you laughing   
If this world makes you crazy  
and you´ve taken all you can bear   
just call me up   
because you know I´ll be there.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Yes, thank you officer."   
  
Walking into the kitchen, Abby let out a huff and leaned over the counter, resting her elbows on the tile of the small island's countertop. Staring at the pile of mail that sat in front of her, she waited for Luka to hang up the phone, and began picking through it. Pulling out the telephone and water bill, she dropped those aside and began flipping through another baby magazine that had been sent to them. Looking through page after page of strollers and cribs, she finally heard him hang the phone up and looked up to him.   
  
"Who was that?" she asked, as Luka dumped a sheet of paper into the trashcan.   
  
"One of the detective's from the police station." He replied, looking over to her. "He said we need to meet with him this afternoon. He said that it is important."   
  
As Abby's face fell, she didn't want to know why they wanted them down there. She did not want to imagine any reason they could have. Any mention of anything that related to the rape, no matter how pertinent to it, or unimportant still frightened her and always would.   
  
"Why?" she asked, her attempt to mask the fear crumbling as the seconds ticked and she allowed herself to think of possible causes of the phone call or need to go to the station.   
  
Luka shook his head and set the phone down on the counter. "He did not say. All he could tell me was that it is important."   
  
The idea that the officer could not give details out over the phone only frightened her more. She could feel her heart begin to beat faster as she thought, and her throat began to dry out. Luka took notice of her sudden mood change and took hold of her hand across the counter.  
  
"Do not worry." He tried to assure her. "He may just want to talk to you."  
  
"Then why couldn't he just talk to me over the phone?" she asked, swallowing in an attempt to moisten her dry throat. "And why did he only talk to you? Why didn't he ask for me?"   
  
Luka sighed and got lower to eye level with her. "I do not know." He replied. "But worrying will not help. Especially now." He said, nodding toward her stomach. "It is not good for you or the baby."  
  
Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and nodded, attempting to calm herself. Dropping her head for a second and again lifting it, she only nodded at him and re-opened her eyes.   
  
"When do we have to go?" she asked, an aching feeling still tugging at her insides.   
  
"He said we should meet him at the police station at three o'clock." Luka replied. "But I need to stop by work first and get some old charts." He told her. "I was supposed to have them done yesterday."  
  
Quietly sighing, she pushed herself up from her position over the counter and turned, walking toward the staircase. After what seemed like an eternity in climbing them, she reached the second floor where she managed to get to the nursery without collapsing. Staring at the mural painted on the wall, she ran the fingers from her left hand over a small portion of it and sighed again, wandering over to the changing table where she pulled open a box of diapers.   
  
Stacking them neatly on one of the shelves, she attempted to push the thought of going again to the police station from her memory. Like Luka had said, there was no point in worrying. She knew that he was dead, so it couldn't be something like he had escaped. But there was still a nagging feeling inside of her, telling her to worry. Call it woman's intuition, or mother's intuition or whatever you want to, she knew something wasn't right.   
  
"What are you doing?" he called from the doorway, with his arms folded in front of him and a grin across his face.   
  
Looking up at him, she held her hand out for him to grab. Helping her up, he grabbed the last of the diapers and stacked them where the rest were, before tossing the empty box in the garbage.   
  
"Emptying all of those." She replied, pointing toward the pile of gifts that sat on top of the clothing dresser. "I just don't know where to put it all."  
  
Opening the top box, Luka laughed as he pulled a yellow sleeper from the box and held it out in front of him. "There must be a little room left." He said, as he opened one of the bottom drawers where he found piles of sleepers already folded and put away. "Oh." He mumbled, staring at the full drawer.   
  
"There would be." Abby replied lightly, opening another box. "If you hadn't bought new clothes every time you left the house." She teased, as the thought of the phone call began fading for the next few minutes. "Who's that from?" she asked, as she folded the blanket she had just opened and stuck it under the changing table with two others.   
  
"Haleh." He replied, looking at the card attached to the box. "Who gave us the blanket?"   
  
"Dr. Finch." Abby replied, looking at the pile that still sat nearby. "Luka, why did everyone buy us gifts?" she asked. "When Dr. Corday had Ella, didn't everyone just give some money for a baby monitor or something?"  
  
He shrugged, attempting to get another sleeper in with the already full drawer of others. "I don't know." He mumbled, as he pushed the drawer closed. "Maybe they think that you are cuter?" he suggested, as she tossed a stuffed bear at him.  
  
"Funny." She murmured, as she began emptying the rest of the boxes. Sleepers, receiving blankets, baby toys, booties, and more. To Abby it seemed as if the boxes would never stop.   
  
"This is… nice." Luka said, as he opened a hot pink baby bonnet and matching socks. Staring at it like it was alive, he turned it again to examine it as Abby looked hideously at it. "From.. Dave."  
  
"Figures." She mumbled, trying to keep from laughing. She knew to expect a gift like that from him. Sorting through the last of the clothes, she gathered the cards and stuck them in a pile in the crib. "Is that everything?" she asked, looking around the room.   
  
"I think so." He replied, looking around. "I will clean up the mess." He offered, gathering the empty boxes from the floor. "You should go and sit for a little while, before we leave."   
  
The sentence made her only again realize the stomachache she had. Before they left for the police station, where she did not want to go. Leaning up against the wall as her eyes closed, she felt to afraid to move, too afraid of what those detectives would tell her. What if the man she had identified the body of was in fact not her attacker? What that had been a man that only looked like him? There were too many possibilities for her to think of.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   
  
Such sad eyes   
Take courage now,  
realise, when this world makes you crazy   
and you´ve taken all you can bear   
just call me up   
because you know I´ll be there.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Walking through the corridor of the police station, Luka led Abby around a corner where they arrived at a long counter. Behind the counter were rows of chairs and benches, filled with agitated people. Some were in handcuffs, others were sleeping. Scattered in the crowd were a few children playing with toys or keys, lots of them making noise or crying.   
  
"Can I help you?" a woman behind the counter asked, holding a telephone to her shoulder.   
  
"Yes, Detective Anderson called us this morning." Luka replied as Abby looked to the floor, staring at the dirty tiles that were stained with mud and anything else anyone could have brought in on their shoes. "He said he needed to meet with us, that we should be here at three."  
  
"Anderson.. hold on." She said, reaching for another telephone where she tapped in a number and waited for an answer. "Yeah, I've got a man and woman out here, he says you wanted to see em at three?" she asked, looking down at a sheet in front of her. "Yeah, ok." She said, before hanging the phone back up. "Here's what you're going to do." She said, looking at Luka. "Down that hallway, follow it to a green door." She told him, pointing to a hallway across the room. "When you get to the green door, go through it and take that hallway to the brown door. He's in there."  
  
"Through the green door to the brown door?" he repeated as Abby looked up.   
  
"That's it." She replied. "He's waiting for you in there."  
  
"Thank you." Luka replied as he took hold of Abby's arm and walked toward the hallway. Leading her down it, he walked until he reached the green door and pushed through it, finding another smaller hallway, and took that to the brown door.  
  
Watching as they walked, the tension only grew within her and she wanted to turn and run away. However hard that would be considering the extra weight she was carrying, and the fact that she could barely walk anymore, she was ready and willing to try. Her recovery had been slow and painful, and it was still far from over. But she had finally surpassed that first hurdle and learned to trust Luka again. She could not deal with having to go back.  
  
Luka too was nervous about what he might possibly be told. He did not want anything to risk Abby's health right now. He knew that her progress had been remarkable, and that she was getting better as each day passed. He also knew that any news that would endanger her mental health would affect her physical health as well, and that meant the health of not only one person but two.   
  
"Dr. Kovac? Mrs. Kovac?" a man called as they walked through the brown door into a small office, cluttered with two desks and tons of scattered papers and open files. "I'm Detective Anderson." Offering his hand to them, he shook each of theirs, pushing a pile of paper from a chair. "Here, you look like you could sit." He offered, allowing Abby the now empty chair.  
  
"Thank you." She managed to mumble as Luka stood next to her and the detective went around the back of his desk, shoving another stack of papers to the side.   
  
"We spoke on the phone this morning, and like I mentioned, there is something we need to discuss." He said, grabbing a pen.  
  
"Is it about the rapist?" Luka asked, as Abby shut her eyes at the mention of the word.   
  
"You could say that." He continued. "Now, after you identified the man's body as Gregg Othis, we put out a missing persons ad, trying to find if he had any family."  
  
"But what does that man having a family have to do with us?" Luka asked, sounding confused.   
  
"Last week, we managed to find some relatives." The detective continued, now looking at Abby. "We found that he had a wife and a small son living in southern Illinois." He said, opening a folder.   
  
"Wait, the man who raped Abby and murdered that other woman had a wife and child?" Luka repeated, resting his hand on the desk, using a tone like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "He had a family?"  
  
The detective nodded as Abby rubbed her hands along her pants, staring down at them, afraid to look up. "Apparently, he disappeared about four months ago after getting involved with drugs. He took off, and she had no idea where he'd gone or if he were still alive."  
  
Shaking his head, Luka could not believe what he was hearing. "He had a family!?" he exclaimed as his voice shrilled and Abby looked up as his hand went to her shoulder.   
  
"But why did you call us down here?" Abby asked, her voice low but strong. "I still don't understand why this involves me or Luka."  
  
"She asked if she could meet with you." He stated simply, in a sympathetic tone. "She blames herself for his actions and she wants to apologize or at least attempt to."  
  
"She wants to meet us?"  
  
"Yes. That's why I called. She arrived in Chicago yesterday and she's been at the station ever since. After we told her what her husband had done, she broke down and begged that we contact you. She wants to talk to both of you." He continued on.   
  
Not knowing or understanding why, the tension suddenly disappeared from within Abby as she realized that he wasn't there. He was dead, that part was ok. But then she couldn't believe what he had done. He had a family with a child. That was the part she couldn't allow to sink in, neither could Luka. A surreal feeling overtook her body as she watched Luka stand silent, pressing his fingers into the top of the desk, as they grew white from the loss of circulation.   
  
"She's here now?" Abby asked quietly, shaking her head slowly.  
  
"She's down the hallway. You don't have to meet with her; we aren't forcing you into this. We just agreed that we'd ask."  
  
"Abby, you shouldn't do this." Luka said, turning to look down at her. "Not now. Too much stress is not good for you." He continued.  
  
"I could always ask if it would be ok to release her phone number or something to that means. Maybe once this has all set in and things are a little less hectic, you could contact her." He suggested, flipping through the file. "We don't want to force anything on you."  
  
Swallowing as what had just been told to her began to set in, Abby brushed her face with her hand and sat looking up at Luka whose face wore a look of concern and fear. Looking right into his eyes for a moment, she watched as he just stood watching her, knowing that it was her decision to make.  
  
"What's her name?" Abby asked, looking back to the detective with a look of sadness in her eyes.   
  
"Diane." He replied.   
  
"Abby, you do not have to go in there." Luka told her, placing his hand back on her as he squatted in front of her. "We can wait a few days maybe."  
  
She only shook her head and reached for his shoulder, as the detective watched, his hand hovering over the phone. "I'll talk to her." She finally mumbled, as Luka shook his head slowly. "But only for a few minutes." She continued, hoping to meet Luka's approval half way.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
And I see your true colours shining through.  
I see your true colours and that´s why I love you,   
so don´t be afraid to let them show,   
your true colours, true colours, true colours are   
shining through   
I see your true colours and that´s why I love you,  
so don´t be afraid to let them show,  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
After sitting in the small room for a half hour, it was obvious to both Luka and Abby how much the woman blamed herself for her husband's actions. The moment Abby walked through the door, she had burst into tears, and began smashing her head against the table she sat at, knocking over a cup of coffee. She'd begun sobbing sentences over and over, that she was sorry, she never even imagined she had been pregnant, that it was her fault.  
  
She had fallen into a hysterical fit of sobs before Abby and Luka had even reached their chairs, almost reaching the point of hyperventilation. As she rocked back and forth in her chair, her light red hair fell over her face, covering her from everyone's view. She wrapped her arms tightly around her body, mumbling out loud to herself and Abby, over and over again.   
  
"I'm sorry." She again sobbed as she grabbed another tissue from a box that sat nearby.   
  
Across the table, Luka sat close to Abby, grasping her left hand in his right, comforting her as the woman across the table continued to talk, apologizing for actions she felt were her fault.   
  
"He just disappeared one night, I knew he was using drugs but he wouldn't stop." She continued, blowing her nose as she cried. "I tried to get him into rehab.."  
  
"Diane, we know that it was not your fault." Luka whispered, looking to the detective who sat nearby. "You did not control what he did."  
  
"I should have stopped him, he killed that woman.." she cried, shaking her head as she again lowered it to the table. "And he raped you and you were pregnant." She sobbed. "He knew you were and he did it anyway."   
  
"Diane.." Abby whispered, unsure of anything to say. She felt sympathy for the woman, but at the same time felt a coldness toward her. Her husband had tortured her; he had raped her and beat on her. He had violated her and taken a piece of her away, tearing her away from Luka and making it harder than anyone could imagine to get close to him again.   
  
"I hate the bastard, I should have watched him.." she continued crying as the detective moved in, helping her from her chair.   
  
"Ok, let's go outside." He guided her, taking her arm.   
  
Nodding, she blew her nose again, looking to Abby once more and she got to her feet. "I'm sorry." She sobbed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry."  
  
Unable to respond, Abby only watched as he disappeared with Diane out of the room, the door clicking shut behind them. Once it had, Luka let out a loud sigh as he collapsed against the table, rocking his head on his arms as Abby sat still, shaking her head softly.   
  
"Are you alright?" Luka asked, looking up to her as he calmed down, the shock of the experience beginning to wear off.   
  
"Yeah." She mumbled, lifting her hands from her sides onto the table in front of her. "God.." she whispered, unsure of what to say or how to say it.  
  
"I know." He agreed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I see your true colours and that´s why I love you,   
so don´t be afraid to let them show,   
your true colours, true colours, true colours are   
beautiful, beautiful like a rainbow.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Reaching for the seatbelt in the backseat of their car, Luka couldn't help but feeling more clueless than he had while attempting to assemble the stroller. As Abby stood outside the opposite door, holding the buckle to the seatbelt, Luka fed the belt through the back of the car seat.  
  
"I think it's suppose to go through that slot." Abby said, pointing to a small hole in the base of the seat.   
  
"Where?" Luka asked, climbing into the car as he unhooked the seat from the base. "Maybe if I do it this way it will be easier."  
  
"Over there." She pointed, unable herself to get into the car from where she was. "Yeah, through there."  
  
"Ok, I think that is right." He mumbled, fastening the seatbelt. Tugging on the base, he made sure it wasn't moving and reached again for the car seat he had placed on the driveway. Latching that back onto the base, he gave it one more good tug before he was satisfied. "How is that?"  
  
Looking through the door, Abby nodded and reached for the seat herself. "It looks ok to me." She replied, slamming the door shut.   
  
Walking around the other side of the car, she leaned up against the side and sighed as Luka made sure one last time the car seat was set safely. Once he finished, she turned up to him with a small smile and kissed him.   
  
"I'm going inside." She told him, as he nodded. "I need to go sit down."  
  
"Ok." He replied with a smile as she turned away.  
  
Locking the driver side door, Luka stepped back and watched as Abby slumped up to the front door. He could only smile as he watched her walk, as unstable as she was. He knew it was wrong to laugh, that she was sore and tired and sick of carrying the extra weight, but it made him laugh. He thought she looked cute, he liked that.   
  
Walking down to the mailbox, he stopped as he opened it, pulling a stack of envelopes and magazines out. Looking through them, he stepped out into the street, watching their elderly neighbor across the street come outside.   
  
"Hello Dr. Kovac!" she called, walking to her own mailbox. Staring out into the street, she crossed as quickly as her legs would allow and met him at the end of the driveway.   
  
"Hello Mrs. Bankman." He replied graciously as the old woman wandered up to him.   
  
"How are you doing?" she asked, adjusting her glasses on her face.  
  
"Oh, I am ok." He replied with a smile, grasping the load of mail in his left hand. "How about you?"  
  
"Oh I'm good, it's about time for me to start my gardening again." She mentioned happily.   
  
Nodding, he grinned at her, dumping his car keys into his pocket. Watching the old woman, he wondered how she kept up with her gardening. She was easily 90 years old, yet acted like she were in her 50's. Everyday when it was warm she would be out in her garden, planting flowers, or cutting bushes.   
  
"How is your wife doing?" she asked, staring toward the house.   
  
"Abby is good. She is very tired, but she's doing good."   
  
"That's wonderful!" she replied happily. "And what about that baby? Did she have it yet?"  
  
"No, not yet." He replied. "But any day now."  
  
"How nice." She said, turning around. "Well I should be going I have a lot of housework that needs to be done."  
  
"Ok." He replied. "Thank you for coming over."  
  
Turning his back as he walked back up the driveway, he could hear the old woman call a final good bye as she re-entered her house. Walking up the path to their own house, Luka opened the front door and allowed himself in, dumping the mail on the nearby table. Pulling his coat off, he entered the living room and found Abby, sound asleep on the couch. Chuckling quietly, he reached for a blanket and threw it over her body, pulling her shoes from her feet. Dumping them by the front door, he shut it and pulled the lock across, just as the thunder began rumbling and the rain began to fall.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.   
Show me your colours, show me a rainbow.   
Show me your colours, show me a rainbow.   
That´s why I love you.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
08/15/01   



	14. Bonheur Trompé- Part 14

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 14*  
by Kelly   
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.   
  
Feedback is always appreciated- DougandCarol@hotmail.com   
  
The music in this story is "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle  
  
Notes: indicate flashbacks.  
  
Thanks: To Carolina for the baby name, and Raquel and Shannon who always encourage me!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There's two things I know for sure.  
She was sent here from heaven, and she's daddy's little girl.  
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night, she talks to Jesus, and I close my  
eyes.  
And I thank God for all the joy in my life,  
Oh, but most of all, for...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
The dark clouds began rolling in by late afternoon, covering the entire Chicago area in a dark, almost eerily shadow that made the headlights on cars, and streetlamps glow against the dark pavement. Before long, rain began falling lightly from the ever-bursting clouds, pattering softly against the trees and ground. Smashing against the windows, it left small streaks of water, almost like miniature rivers left to fall.   
  
Inside the house, Luka shook off his semi-saturated jacket and dropped his shoes next to the staircase. Peering through the glass window out into the rapidly approaching storm, he shivered quickly in the slight chill that surrounded him. Looking to the small table that sat in the entranceway, he grabbed another unopened baby gift and grasped it under his arm as he began his ascent up the staircase.   
  
"Abby?" he called out as he took the last step beneath him and his feet rubbed against the soft carpet beneath his feet.   
  
Outside, thunder rumbled lowly in the distance, grumbling an evil moan as the fog thickened. The air inside the house was cool and clammy, almost drafty. Checking the thermostat, Luka adjusted the knob to a higher temperature, attempting to warm the air.   
  
"What are you doing?" he asked, entering the bedroom to find her seated on the floor, with her body propped up against the wall. Dressed in her pajamas, her focus was on a stack of empty gift boxes that sat near the end of the bed, some stack neatly and others dumped messily about.   
  
"Thinking." She mumbled quietly, picking nonchalantly at a loose thread from her pajama top.   
  
"About what?"  
  
"That I can't do this." She exasperated, shaking her head gently as if saying no to something.   
  
Walking over and sitting besides her, he pushed the stack of boxes further away. A flash of lightening outside illuminated the dimly lit room for a few mere seconds, allowing Luka to catch a better glimpse of Abby's face. Pulling a blanket from the bed, and throwing it over her legs and his own, another crash of thunder rumbled outside.   
  
"Do what?" he asked as she pressed her head against the wall and allowed both of her hands to rest on her stomach. As she did, they both sat in silence for a moment. Her gaze turned to the window as she peered through the glass and the rain slammed up against it, propelled forcefully by the wind.   
  
"Have a baby." She finally replied. "I can't do it." She repeated as Luka took his own hand and pressed it up against her stomach.   
  
"Yes you can." He assured her. "You will do fine."  
  
Shaking her head as she allowed a small, unconvinced laugh to escape her throat, she pulled her own hand on top of Luka's. The strong kicks were steady and frequent, tickling their hands gently. Outside, the sounds of the thunder grew louder as the storm grew closer, approaching fast as another rumble sounded.  
  
"You will." He promised, leaning in as he planted a kiss on her shoulder.  
  
Dropping her head down, she couldn't reply but only shook her head again. Listening to the sounds of the rainfall outside, it created a calming feeling inside. Looking down to her ankles, which were visibly swollen, it only brought her to a clearer realization of the events due to take place on any day at any time.   
  
"No, I spent years helping to deliver other women's babies. I would hold them and then give them to their mothers." She finally began rambling, stretching her feet back and forth. "But this one's mine. I can't just hand it over and say congratulations." She continued, lifting her head to watch him. "I've never had something like that, something that was mine that couldn't be taken away."   
  
Moving closer to her, Luka rubbed his hand up and down her arm, gently comforting her. Holding his hand against her, he could only nod again. "It is yours, and it does not matter if you don't think you know how to do it. You will learn fast, it will come naturally." He assured her.   
  
Quietly as another crash of thunder sounded outside, louder than the previous few, Abby pressed her hand firmly up against Luka's as the kicking continued. "That's our baby." She mumbled quietly.   
  
Smiling at her, he could only chuckle as she mumbled the words our baby. "I know." He replied, grasping her hand in his own. "But that is why it's so exciting." He continued. "Abby, we will get to rock our baby and watch it grow. It will be ours."  
  
"And what if something goes wrong? All I can think about is if I made this baby sick or I'll do something wrong. What if something goes wrong like I don't breathe right or I can't push. I know how to tell women to do that, but it's different when you actually have to do it." She rambled on, talking so quickly it was difficult for Luka to comprehend everything she was saying.   
  
He had never seen her as worked up as she was before. The words were flowing faster than she could speak, many jumbled together incoherently. He found it slightly amusing, but understood her fears at that moment. He knew she had a right to be as worked up as she was; he wasn't the one who could go into labor at any second.   
  
"Abby." Luka whispered. "Do not worry so much." He continued, as his voice slowly grew louder. "You will breathe and push and do everything just fine." He assured her, staring into her eyes, watching each blink or movement. "And I will be there the whole time, holding your hand and I will make sure that everything goes alright."  
  
Without a response, Abby shifted her body and moaned uncomfortably as she leaned in a new position, allowing some of her aching muscles a rest. Outside, the rain began falling heavily, forming deep puddles along the streets and saturating the grass.   
  
"You will see." He said, pulling his body around so he sat facing her, folding his legs crossed in front of him. "I promise that as soon as the baby is born and you hold her for the first time, you will not even remember how scared you are." He assured her once more, as his grin grew wider. "I promise." Was the last he spoke, kissing her softly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.  
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.  
"Walk beside the pony, daddy, it's my first ride."  
"I know the cake looks funny, daddy, but I sure tried."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Yeah, I've been sober for about 3 years now, and everyday is still a struggle. Every time I see a bottle I still want it; I want it more than anything. I never take it, I never taste it, but I always get that urge." A man named Paul said from the front of the room, behind a podium. "I'm just afraid of my kids now, especially Kristin, she's 15. I don't want her to start experimenting, I mean, I suppose she probably has already, I know a lot of her friends have." the man continued.  
  
Across the room, Abby sat in the fourth row on the end, right next to a wall in a horrible metal chair, not meant for a pregnant woman to be sitting in. She was staring at the man who was speaking and thought of herself up there. She hadn't shared in what seemed as if forever; she really hadn't had much she wanted to share.   
  
"Do you know what time it is?" an older man next to her asked, as she lifted her arm to see her watch.  
  
"11:16." Abby replied, closing her eyes as a dull pain ran through her back, again. The pains had been coming and going since early that morning, and she had been brushing them off as Braxton hicks. She took a deep breath and let it out as she rested her hand on her stomach.   
  
"Are you ok?" the man next to her asked, watching as she squeezed her eyes shut.  
  
Abby nodded, blowing out slowly. "Fine." She replied.   
  
"You don't look fine." The man said, still watching her, eyeing her enlarged stomach.  
  
"I said I'm fine." She shot back, turning her head away. The man shook his head and turned his attention back to the front of the room.  
  
"I've been sober for 15 years now." A woman said from the front of the room, taking the place of the man behind the podium. "The other day, I went to my godson's brisk and watching so many of the people I knew there get drunk." she continued, tapping her hand on the podium. "It reminded me of why I started coming to AA."  
  
As the woman continued to talk, Abby totally tuned her out as she focused on the back of the chair in front of her. She could hear the faint mumbles coming from the two men in front of her, they had a newspaper opened to the sports section and were bickering back and forth about something.   
  
"Damn it, I told you this the other day." One of the men whispered, pointing to something on the paper. "Now pay up."  
  
"Oh shut up, you didn't say shit." The other man whispered back. "I'm not giving you anything."  
  
Abby sighed as the two men began to fight quietly, the woman's voice still blaring loudly throughout the meeting room. As she turned her body, shifting her weight in an attempt to alleviate some of her muscle aches, another pain ripped through her back, along with a sudden feeling of pressure in her abdomen.  
  
"Shit." She said, just loud enough for the few people around her to hear, as she felt a warm fluid run down both of her legs, soaking her pants. "Oh god."  
  
"You aren't going to tell me you're ok now are you?" the man next to her asked again, watching her face turn to one of panic.   
  
Staring up at him in a daze, she felt unsure of what to do. The sound of the woman's voice became just a loud noise, her vision blurred as nervousness filled every cavity of her body. "Do me a favor?" she finally replied, grabbing a rung on the metal chair, nodding through the pain as the contraction ripped through her. "Go into my bag." She mumbled, letting out a deep breath. "In the front pocket.. get my cell phone." She said, pointing toward the purse at her feet.  
  
The elderly man only nodded and reached for her bag, pulling it into his lap. Finding the cell phone in the pocket, he pulled it out as the voices continued from the front of the room.   
  
"You really should call 911 or get someone to drive you to the hospital." He said, himself now growing panicked by the situation.   
  
Grabbing the phone from him, Abby just shook her head as she punched a number into it. "My husband's a doctor." She finally replied, as the tension in the man's face eased slightly.   
  
Holding the phone to her ear, the ringing was loud and irritating. "Randi?" she spoke as a voice on the opposite end of the line picked up. "Get Luka for me." She ordered as the man sat, watching intently as he chewed his lip.   
  
A few others who sat scattered around the meeting were now turned, watching as Abby sat on the phone. It didn't take many of them to look at the floor and back to her to realize what was happening.   
  
"No, I don't care if he's in with a patient, go get him." She whispered loudly, as the two bickering men in front of her turned around.   
  
"You know." The old man next to her began. "My wife, bless her soul. She had four kids, so if you need anything.." he offered as the meeting came to a close up front.   
  
"It's ok." Abby assured him, as the fumbling of someone picking up a phone sounded in her ear.   
  
The room began emptying at that point, leaving only a few curious people who stood near the exit, waiting to see what would happen next.   
  
"Abby?" Luka's voice called, as he spoke into the phone. Randi stood nearby, listening to the conversation as Haleh walked past and dropped an armload of paperwork on the counter.   
  
"Luka." She practically yelled, as the man watched. "Luka, it's time." She said quickly, as she felt the beginnings of another contraction.   
  
Standing silently for a moment, he watched as Randi eyed him oddly. "It is time?" he replied excitedly as Haleh also turned to watch. "Wait, how much time is there between your contractions?" he asked, already pulling his stethoscope from around his neck.   
  
Taking a deep breath as the next contraction began, Abby could only shake her head. "I don't know, maybe five or six minutes." She replied. "But my water just broke." She confessed.   
  
"Your water broke?" he repeated as his heart began pounding in his chest. By this time, not only were Randi and Haleh listening curiously, but Malik and Dr. Finch were also within earshot, watching him. "Ok, Abby." He began, "You are at a meeting right?"  
  
"Yes." She replied, as the group of curious onlookers began leaving, whispering quietly amongst themselves.   
  
"Ok, I will be there in a little while." He said excitedly, as he hung the phone up and peeled his lab coat off. "I have to go get Abby." He announced, as Carter walked up, chewing on a sandwich. "Carter, can you and Mark cover for me?" he asked impatiently as he fished in his pants pocket for his keys.   
  
"Why? Where are you going?" Carter asked, swallowing the last of the food as he leaned over the counter.  
  
"Abby's in labor." Randi piped up, as the phone began to ring. "County." She answered, as Carter's eyes grew large.  
  
"Really?" he asked, standing up.  
  
Hastily nodding, Luka tossed his lab coat beneath the admit desk and found his keys. "Yes."  
  
"Yeah, I'll cover." Carter replied quickly.  
  
Waving his hand a quick thanks, Luka jogged from behind the admit desk and through the ambulance bay doors. His feet hit the ground hard as the rain fell onto him, quickly soaking through his clothes.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right  
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Running through the large building where the A.A. meetings were held, Luka could feel his heart pounding nervously in his chest. Poking his head into each of the rooms he came to, he found empty rooms, and continued down the hallway until he heard a familiar voice let out a pained moan.   
  
"Abby?" he called, entering the room where he found her and an older man seated. Abby was gripping to the strap of her purse, squeezing it between her fingers as she moaned. "Abby." He repeated, leaning over as he kissed her cheek.  
  
"She's had two more contractions since she hung up with you." The old man said, nodding at Luka. "I'm Trevor." He introduced himself.   
  
Luka nodded and flashed him a quick smile. "Thank you for staying with her." He thanked him, offering his hand for Abby to hold.   
  
"It was no problem, I couldn't leave her here all alone." He replied, looking to the floor. "I could get someone to clean that so you can go." He offered.  
  
"Thank you." Luka again said, as Abby clasped to his hand and began to stand as the contraction ended.   
  
Handing Luka the purse he still held in his hands, Trevor too got to his feet and gathered his newspaper from next to him. Nodding and waving goodbye, he called out a final good luck as Abby teetered from the room, Luka holding her purse over his shoulder.   
  
Once they reached the small parking lot, Luka helped her into the car and jumped into the driver's side. Buckling her seatbelt, Luka started the car and pulled away with such force that she jerked in her seat.   
  
"Luka, slow down!" she said, as he pulled out onto the main road.   
  
"We need to get you to the hospital." He replied, checking for cars coming from his right side.   
  
"My contractions are still five minutes apart, we have plenty of time." She assured him. "And you need to stop back at home anyway, the bag is there."  
  
"No, I will get you to the hospital and then go get the bag. Your water broke, we need to get there." He rambled, his accent growing thicker as he spoke faster.  
  
"Are you in labor?" Abby asked, as they passed the exit onto the major roadway. "It's my body and I said to go home first." She ordered. "Will you just listen to me?"  
  
Turning his head quickly, he finally sighed and agreed, turning the car in the direction of their neighborhood. Watching the windshield wipers as they pushed the raindrops off the windshield of the car, Abby allowed her head to press back into the headrest, waiting for the next contraction to wash over.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sweet sixteen today,  
She's looking like her momma a little more every day.  
One part woman, the other part girl.  
To perfume and makeup, from ribbons and curls.  
Trying her wings out in a great big world.  
But I remember...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The machine made a loud booming sound as the can slid out the opening, and Luka's hand grabbed for it. Pulling the cold can into his hands, he pulled the pop-top forward, and then back. He allowed the cold liquid to drip down his throat, as he leaned up against the machine, looking toward the light blue color of the wall.  
  
"She's crowning in 502!" a nurse called, pacing past him, grabbing a pair of fresh gloves from a nearby cart. "Somebody go get Dr. Coburn."  
  
Luka took another gulp of the soda and walked across the hallway to a chair that sat next to a small counter stacked high with boxes of gloves and paper masks. Leaning over, placing his elbows on his knees, he let out a huge sigh, blowing hard, wiping his eyes. He heard a loud scream from down the hallway and smiled, as 2 more nurses rushed past him.   
  
"I'm sorry Luka."  
  
"You did not just have your wife and children taken from you, how can you be sorry?"  
  
"Come home with me, you can come back home."  
  
"No I cannot go home. I cannot ever go back to the place they were taken from me."  
  
Fiddling with his fingers, he allowed the condensation that had formed on the soda can to wet his hands, tapping his feet lightly on the floor. His stomach was tied in a large knot, his nervousness apparent by the look on his face, and the way his body was rocking back and forth.  
  
His focus turned to one of the nurses who had just passed, and he watched as she grabbed a baby blanket and newborn hat from a closet and carried them into a nearby room. He smiled, taking another gulp, thinking of Abby who was only rooms away.  
  
"Another new resident in the middle of the year?"   
  
"Well, I'm a med student."   
  
"You live in a hotel?"   
  
"You've been watching Martha Stewart again?"   
  
"I said to page Coburn!" a voice called, as another nurse poked her head out from down behind the admit desk.   
  
"She got called in for an emergency c-section!"   
  
"Then get someone else! This baby is coming now!"  
  
Luka tapped his feet again, pulling his watch up to look at the time. Abby had told him to go and get a drink and something to eat, that she'd be ok. He had only been gone for 3 or 4 minutes, but it already felt like hours.   
  
"Luka… I'm late."   
  
"Have you taken a test?"   
  
"It's negative."   
  
Pushing himself back to his feet, he fiddled with the lid of the soda and walked back the short distance to the room Abby was in. Pushing through the heavy door, he set the cold can down on the counter and walked back to the bedside.   
  
"I'm back." He said, leaning over to kiss her sweat saturated forehead.   
  
"I said to go eat." She replied, turning her head on the pillow, pulling her right arm from under the blanket.   
  
"I'm not hungry." Luka replied, pulling the chair nearby back up alongside the bed. "I would rather stay here with you."  
  
He grinned and pulled at the leg of his pants, looking toward the fetal monitor, which read a heartbeat of 144. The nervous feeling continued to build inside of him, his stomach aching with anticipation.   
  
"God." Abby moaned, as her hand clenched, gritting her teeth as another contraction began. She let out a loud, wailing moan as the pain intensified, Luka sliding his hand into hers, allowing her something to grip.   
  
"Breathe through it Abby." He coached, leaning over closer to her as she lifted her head from the pillow, moaning, and squeezing his hand harder. "It is almost over." He said, looking at the monitor as the lines became less and less. "Ok, good."  
  
She let out a deep breath as it ended, her head falling back against the pillow. She let her grip go on his hand, pulling it back close to her, swallowing as the pain vanished for the next few minutes.   
  
"Luka.." She moaned, as he wiped her forehead with a washcloth he had grabbed from the table nearby.   
  
"You are doing so great." He replied, pushing her matted hair from her face, wiping her forehead over again.   
  
"I had an abortion, is that what you want to hear!?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yeah Luka, I had an abortion. Richard never knew, he didn't deserve to know."  
  
"Stop yelling, Abby, I.."  
  
"You think I'm pathetic, so does everyone else. It's nothing new Luka. I'll recover."  
  
"You are not pathetic. But why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I just did. Do you feel better now, knowing some more shit that I've done? More pain I caused?"   
  
As her hand moved up to her face, the door to the room again opened, and a nurse strolled in, Abby's chart in hand. She dropped the chart on the counter and flashed both Abby and Luka a smile as she pulled a pair of gloves on.   
  
"Hello Abby." She greeted her, walking toward the bed. "And you must be Dr. Kovac."  
  
Luka nodded, dropping the cloth back into the basin he had taken it from.   
  
"I'm Nurse Benson… call me Robyn though." She introduced herself. "Krystal got called home, so you'll have to settle with me now" She said with a smile. "I'm just going to take a quick look and we'll see how you're doing."  
  
"Are you sure you do not want an epidural?" Luka asked as Robyn began to examine her. "You could still get one if you wanted."  
  
Abby nodded, wincing in pain as she finished the quick exam. "I already said no." She mumbled, letting out a gasp as Linda pulled away from her.  
  
More fear, this time of an epidural. She knew they were almost completely safe, but she wanted no risks at this point. Luka knew that. Afraid that the rape, and her injuries from it, or anything at all could affect the effects of the epidural, she had refused one.   
  
"You're at six." She reported, noting it in the chart. "90% effaced and at a plus 1 station. Now it says here that your contractions are about three minutes apart…. You're getting there." She said with a smile. "Maybe you could try walking again? It may speed things along."  
  
Abby nodded as Robyn made her way alongside the bed, and with Luka's help, got her into an upright position. Untangling her from the scattered IV and fetal monitor wires, Luka took hold of her right side and lifted her carefully. Once she was standing, Luka slid his arm under her arms, helping to support her.  
  
"It's coming." She cried, as another contraction washed over as they stood in the doorway. Hunching over in the pain as she moaned, Luka allowed her to bury her face in his armpit, her head pressing hard against him. "It hurts.." she cried, gripping to his shirt and tugging on it as she continued to moan.  
  
Luka nodded and rubbed his fist up and down her back, attempting to alleviate some of the pain. She moaned again, muffling her sobs and he pressed harder, trying to comfort her.  
  
"It will be over soon Abby." He assured her as she pulled her head away, letting go of his shirt.   
  
"I want to go back to bed." She moaned, as he wrapped his arm around her, and they began to walk. She took small, teetering steps like a small child just learning to walk.   
  
"Just walk for a little while, maybe it will help"   
  
Slowly they walked down the long hallway, and turned the corner where they found the nursery. Another contraction started as they approached it, and Abby again buried her face up against Luka's body, crying out in the pain. Each contraction got longer and more painful as they walked, causing Abby to cry and moan louder each time.  
  
"I do not hate you, I could never hate you."  
  
"Don't say that, you don't mean it."  
  
"I would not say it if I didn't."  
  
"Richard use to say that, he never meant it."  
  
"I'm not Richard, and I do mean it. I do not hate you Abby. I don't think that having an abortion is right, but I would never hate you for that."  
  
"How do I know you're not lying? It wouldn't be the first time someone lied to me."  
  
"You do not know, you have to trust me. I would not lie to you."  
  
After what felt as if an eternity to her, they arrived back at her room after walking the entire ward. Standing outside the door, Luka held grip on her hand as she stood still for a moment with her eyes closed. He watched the IV bag that hung from the pole she was gripping to with her other hand, and watched at the flow of fluid ran down the tubing and into her hand.   
  
"Do you want to go back inside?" he asked quietly as her eyes opened and she gently nodded her head. "Ok."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.  
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.  
"You know how much I love you, daddy, but if you don't mind,  
I'm only going to kiss you on the cheek this time."  
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right.  
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Ok Abby, open up."  
  
Closing her eyes and letting out a breath, she pressed her body down deeper into the stiff mattress. Her gown was growing bunched around her, becoming more constricting and uncomfortable as the minutes ticked away. In his chair that sat next to the bed, Luka folded one leg over the other and set an empty Styrofoam coffee cup he held in his hands aside. Watching the nurse as she pulled her gloves on, he moved his body forward and set his elbow on the armrest, supporting his head in his hand.   
  
"She was at six the last time you checked her, right?" Luka asked as Abby kept her attention on the ceiling, pulling her head back as she chewed on her lip.   
  
"Yup." Robyn replied, nodding as she examined her. "Alright, I'll be finished in a second."  
  
As Abby shifted her upper body uncomfortably and let out a small gasp, Luka got to his feet and stood over her. Reading the monitor that sat besides the bed, he watched as the heart rate continually changed from one forty four to one forty five, and would then fall again back to one forty four.  
  
"You're at eight." She finally announced as she wrote on the chart and peeled her gloves off. "You're getting close."  
  
"I can't do this anymore." Abby whined as another contraction began. Closing her eyes as she gripped tightly to the bedrail, she allowed another, deep toned moan to escape.  
  
"Breathe." Luka instructed as he reached to wipe her forehead. "You are doing a great job." He encouraged her.   
  
"Don't touch me." She groaned, as her voice grew deep and angry. Pushing his hand away with her own, she locked her eyes shut again. "Get away from me."  
  
"Abby." He protested, moving back toward her.  
  
"I'm not kidding, don't touch me." She groaned as she snapped her head in the other direction and the contraction continued. Looking up to the nurse who nodded at him and waved her hand, he moved toward her. Looking again at Abby whose eyes were still locked shut and her face in a look of pain; he followed her outside into the hallway.  
  
"What?" he asked as the door snapped shut behind them.  
  
Looking up from the chart in her hands, Robyn smiled at him as another nurse raced past. "Maybe you should go to the cafeteria and get some coffee or something?" she suggested.  
  
Shaking his head, he turned back and took hold on the doorknob in his hand. "I am going to stay with her."  
  
"Dr. Kovac, trust me on this." She replied with a smile. "I know you want to help your wife, but I also know that when women get to the point of yelling at their husbands not to touch them; they need some space."   
  
"I do not want to leave her." He protested.  
  
"Only for a little while. Don't worry." She assured him. "Just give her a little time to herself. She's reaching the really difficult part now. Her contractions are much stronger and coming much more frequently now. Plus, the baby is moving lower, making her even more uncomfortable." She continued. "Go to the cafeteria, get a cup of coffee. You could use a break as well."  
  
"What if it is time and I'm not here?"  
  
"I promise, if she starts moving faster and you're still gone, I'll send one of the other nurses to get you. Now go."  
  
Shaking his head again and throwing his arms into the air he finally agreed. "Fine, I will go get a cup of coffee." He sighed.  
  
"Good." Robyn replied. "I'll tell Abby."  
  
Watching as the blond haired nurse disappeared back into the hospital room, Luka fell back against the wall and stood for a moment. Staring ahead for a moment, debating whether or not to go back into the room, he finally pushed himself to his feet again and walked toward the elevator.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
All the precious time ... Like the wind, the years go by  
Precious butterfly ... Spread your wings and fly  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Walking through the hallway toward the cafeteria, the smell of the hospital was strong and unfamiliar to Luka. As he walked, he felt odd, almost as if he weren't actually there. The day he had been waiting for for what seemed as if an eternity had arrived.  
  
He stood staring into the coffee cup as the brown liquid dripped into it slowly. Watching as it swirled down, causing the level to rise, his hands grew warm from the heat escaping the sides. The steam rose slowly, bringing with it a slight aroma of coffee bean, waking him up, filling his senses with more excitement if it were at all possible.  
  
"Luka?" a voice called out from a nearby table.  
  
Looking up from the cup and breaking from his trance, Luka turned to see Kerry sitting at a nearby table. Taking the warm cup into his hands, he walked the short distance to the table where he pulled a chair out and sat down.   
  
"Hey." Kerry greeted him, picking at a muffin that sat in front of her on a paper plate along with a container of juice. Next to the plate sat a large file of papers, scattered about, some opened and written on.  
  
"Hi Kerry." He replied, tapping his foot impatiently.  
  
"How's Abby doing?" she asked, setting the pen in her hand down, opening the bottle of juice.   
  
"She is doing great." He replied, looking down to his watch as he sipped from the steaming cup. "But she needed some…"  
  
"Space?" she suggested.  
  
"Yeah." He replied sheepishly. Noting he had only been gone for eight or nine minutes, he sat back for a second, watching as she picked at the muffin and pieces crumbled to the plate below. As he looked on, the knot in his stomach grew larger and tighter and his legs grew warm and tingling.   
  
"How far along is she?" she asked curiously. "You've been up there for awhile haven't you?"  
  
"Almost sixteen hours." He replied. "But they checked her only a few minutes ago and she is eight, so maybe soon."  
  
"Good." She said, tossing a napkin onto her tray. "Do you want this?" she offered, pointing to the unfinished muffin.   
  
"No thank you." He mumbled, shaking his head no. "I am not hungry right now."  
  
Kerry smiled and opened up a new pile of paper. Staring at it for a moment, she turned back to Luka who was fumbling nervously with his hands, cracking his knuckles. "How long did they tell you to leave for?" she asked.  
  
Shrugging his shoulders, he laughed for a second. "I am not sure, Abby's nurse said to go get coffee."  
  
"Is she yelling at you?"  
  
"The nurse or Abby?"  
  
"Abby." Kerry replied.  
  
Luka smiled, happy with the fact that it was Kerry who he was talking to. Over the past two and a half years they had developed a friendly relationship. He had been the first to know about her relationship with Dr. Legaspi, he had been the one who encouraged Kerry to move forward if she loved her and not back.   
  
"Yes. She does not want me to touch her." He replied. "So I got sent away."  
  
Kerry laughed and shut the file of paperwork, dumping it back into a bag she was carrying, that sat by her side. "You've seen patients like that before, give her a few minutes and she'll want you back in there." She assured him. "Now, I'll have Randi put through the vacation request you wanted to start immediately after the baby was born?"  
  
"Yes," Luka nodded. "I put in for a week if I remember."  
  
"Ok." She replied, climbing to her feet. "We should be ok without you." She continued as she threw her trash away, and Luka followed her out of the cafeteria and down the hallway. "If you don't mind me asking, what about Abby? Has she mentioned anything about possibly returning to work?"  
  
"I do not know." Luka replied, sipping from the coffee cup. "We have not really brought that up."  
  
"Hey! Daddy!" a voice called as they continued to walk and Luka found himself in the ER, where Dave made a beeline for him. "So, what's the news, Abby pop that baby out yet?" he asked.  
  
"Not yet." He replied, suddenly surrounded by more of the ER staff, all curiously asking him questions.   
  
"Did she get the epidural?"  
  
"How far is she?"  
  
"Why are you down here?"  
  
"I thought it was time."  
  
His stomach's knot grew even larger to the point where he felt like he were going to vomit as the questions continued. He knew the ER fed on news and gossip; he just didn't like it when he and Abby were at the center of it. He did not feel like answering all of the questions, he wanted to go back upstairs.  
  
"Dr. Weaver! Possible poisoning coming in from a daycare center!" Randi called, catching the attention of a few. "ETA is about five minutes."  
  
Whispering a thank you under his breath, Luka became relieved when Kerry pulled the small crowd away from him to prep the trauma rooms, allowing him an escape. Walking quickly for the stairs, he dumped the now empty cup of coffee in the garbage can and took the stairs two at a time up to the fifth floor.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
She'll change her name today.  
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.  
Standing in the bride room just staring at her,  
she asked me what I'm thinking, and I said "I'm not sure,  
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl." Then she leaned over... and gave  
me...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Outside, the rain continued to fall, and the thunder continued to rumble. The newscaster on the TV had said it would continue through the next day or two, bringing with it heavy downpours, deadly lightning and flash flooding. He explained it as April showers bring May flowers. It was only April 3rd, if it continued like this the May flowers would be as tall as some buildings.  
  
"I need to push." Abby moaned later that night, as she held tightly to Luka's hand, panting as another contraction washed over. "Now!" she cried.  
  
"I know.. on the next contraction you can." Robyn assured her, as another nurse helped her into a gown. "Page Lindmen, she should be down the hallway."  
  
"Breathe Abby… only a little longer." Luka said, wiping her forehead again, as the nurse helped her pull her legs up.   
  
"She'll never be ok."  
  
"I miss you."  
  
"Don't say that. You don't mean it, don't say it."  
  
"I love you."  
  
"When the next contraction starts, I want you to pull your chin to your chest ok? And keep it there as you push." The other nurse instructed.   
  
"I'm going to kill you Luka." She cried, as she pushed his arm away. "Once this baby comes out I'm going to strangle you."  
  
Luka nodded, smiling as she threatened him. "Ok, breathe." He instructed, familiar with hearing pregnant women scream they were going to kill their husbands.   
  
"Ok, that one's over." Robyn said, as she set herself up near Abby's bottom. "On the next one Abby, you can push ok?"  
  
Abby nodded as she turned her head, Luka leaning down to kiss her again. Another nurse pushed through the door as she did, flashing a quick smile at Abby before taking her place next to the bed, pulling gloves on her dark hands.  
  
"Remember what I said, keep your chin on your chest and push hard. Stay focused ok?"  
  
"Was Dr. Lindmen paged?"  
  
"Yes, she'll be here soon."  
  
"Oh god." Abby cried as another contraction began, and she squeezed Luka's hand tight.  
  
"Ok, Abby… push." The new nurse instructed, as she and Robyn pulled her legs back, Luka counting out loud.  
  
"1..2..3..4..5"  
  
"Keep going.."  
  
"6..7..8..9..10." Luka finished, as Abby let out a gasp and fell back against the pillow.   
  
"We can't have a baby."  
  
"We could try Abby."  
  
"No, I can't have a baby. I can't be a mother."  
  
"I will help you, we could do it."  
  
"No, we couldn't. I couldn't."  
  
"Good, now do it again." Robyn instructed, holding her leg. "Go."  
  
"1..2..3..4.."  
  
"It hurts." Abby cried, as her face turned a deep red color, and she moaned loudly, pushing hard. "Please…."  
  
"Ok, breathe."   
  
Abby let out a gasp as the contraction ended and they released her legs. Closing her eyes, she heard the door open again and this time Dr. Lindmen strolled in, and the nurses quickly helped her into a gown. Luka watched as she did so, and felt his stomach pull into a tighter knot. He felt he were spinning, none of it felt real to him. He was afraid it was a dream and he would wake up, something he never wanted to happen.  
  
"How are you doing Abby?" she asked, as she took a seat on a small stool at the end of the bed. "Don't worry… it will all be over soon."  
  
Luka smiled and kissed Abby's forehead as another contraction started and she started to push again.  
  
"Good Abby.. keep going.. push harder.."  
  
"Abby, you can do it." Luka coached, as she squeezed his hand harder, turning it a sickish shade of purple. "Push Abby."  
  
"Shut up." She cried, pushing harder. "I can't do this…."  
  
"Yes you can." Luka coached, as she continued to push. "Abby, you have done so much already.. you can do anything."  
  
"7..8..9.." the nurse counted, pushing back on Abby's legs. "Ok, again.."  
  
"1..2..3… harder.."  
  
"Keep your chin on your chest… ok good… keep pushing.."  
  
"6.. almost there.. good. Take deep breath, try and relax before we start again."  
  
"Jesus.." she sighed, pulling on her pillow as the pain subsided and started again almost immediately. "Not.."  
  
"Again, come on.. 1..2..3.." the nurse coached, as Luka continued to cheer her on.  
  
"Good Abby."  
  
"6..7.. keep going. Keep that chin down."  
  
"I hate you!" she growled at Luka, who nodded without a response, as the nurse continued counting.   
  
"Go away."  
  
"I can't go away."  
  
"I'm not worth it Luka."  
  
"Do not say that."  
  
"I've never been worth it, everyone knows that. Just go."  
  
"Push." The doctor yelled, as Abby's grip suddenly grew tighter around Luka's hand, pulling his fingers closer together than he thought possible. Her body began burning, and she felt she was being torn in two separate pieces, almost as if someone were slicing her with a large saw.   
  
"Oh god." She cried as the tears started, the pain becoming greater and greater. "Get it out." She moaned, taking a deep breath as she pushed again.   
  
"5..6…7"  
  
"The baby's crowning." The doctor announced, as Abby collapsed against her pillow, the sweat beads pouring down her skin. She let out a loud moan, gasping for air as Luka let go of her hands and leaned down over her legs.  
  
"Abby.." he whispered, as he leaned over. He looked between her legs and felt his stomach drop, as his heartbeat again grew faster and his eyes burned. The realness of what was happening around him suddenly hit him. He was becoming a father again. This was no longer a dream. This wasn't just him, watching Abby's stomach grow, touching it and feeling the movement within it. During the past 9 months, it had been movement, but now it was a person.   
  
"Give me your hand." Robyn instructed, pulling Abby's hand down, brushing it lightly against the baby's head. "That's your baby."  
  
"Oh god." Abby gasped as she struggled for air. It suddenly became so much more real for her as well. Looking down to Luka who was still staring, as his face grew red and the glassy look covered his eyes, it hit home. That was her baby, Luka's baby. That was a person who she would be holding in her arms in only a few minutes. It would have a face, and a name.  
  
"Here comes another one." Dr. Lindmen announced, as she watched the monitor. "Take a deep breath, and push." She instructed, as they aided Abby in lifting herself up again, as she began to push. "Harder.. get mad at this baby Abby."  
  
Luka moved up and grabbed Abby's hand once again as his eyes locked in a gaze between her legs. "Abby, oh god Abby you are doing so good." He cried, as he watched her, her face growing redder as she pushed. "Abby."  
  
"Keep pushing.."  
  
"4..5..6..7.."  
  
"Get it out!" she cried, as she felt the baby moving slowly. "Damn it just get it out!"  
  
Her eyes were wide open as she pushed, her grip growing tighter and tighter around Luka's hand. Her body trembled as she did, the nurse's hands locked tight around her feet, holding her legs back with great force.  
  
"The head is coming… it'll be out in a minute." the doctor said.  
  
Luka swallowed hard as he watched what was happening. He watched as Abby pushed, feeling her body shake as she did. He watched as the doctor told her to push harder, and watched as the baby's head slid slowly out. The red blood that came, and then the head. He saw the forehead, and urged Abby to push harder. He listened as she took another breath, and felt as she started pushing again, her body trembling uncontrollably. Then he saw the eyes appear, watched as the baby came into view. The nose appeared as Abby yelped in pain, crying out as she pushed, almost sobbing now.  
  
"I love you Abby." He said, turning up to her and kissing her as she continued to push, brushing the hair from her face. She clenched her teeth, crying out again as he looked down and suddenly saw an entire face.  
  
"Ok, breathe."  
  
Abby let out a large sob and choked as she collapsed, still holding to Luka tightly.   
  
"The head Abby." he whispered, looking down and back at her. "You are doing it."  
  
"I can't do it anymore… I'm too tired.' She whined, her body trembling, as the exhaustion grew even more apparent in her voice. "I can't.."  
  
"He took a part of me away that I'll never get back."  
  
"Abby, Luka wants to help, you know you can trust him."  
  
"I don't need help, and I don't need therapy."  
  
"Yes you can." Luka replied, leaning over her, gripping to her hand. "Abby, you are doing such a great job. It is almost over."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"Listen to me." He instructed, looking her straight in the face. "You are doing the most amazing thing in the world Abby. I do not now how you can do it because I know I never could. But you are doing it; you have carried our baby for 9 months now. You said that you wouldn't make it through those months, but you did it. You said that you would not make it through so many things and you did. You can do it."  
  
"It hurts so much," she cried, as the pain started again. "I can't.."  
  
"Abby, you can do it. I can see our baby, you are doing it."  
  
"This is it Abby. I know it's hard.." Dr. Lindmen said, looking up at her. "You've been pushing for a long time now, I know you're tired. But I promise, if you give me one good push, this will all be over. Now push."  
  
Abby moaned as Luka helped prop her up and let out a cry as she pushed again. Her grip grew tighter and tighter on Luka's hand until his hand went numb, but he ignored it. He stood besides her, coaching her as she pushed, watching as the baby slowly slid out.  
  
"You're almost there… push hard Abby.. get angry."  
  
"6..7..8…9"  
  
"Harder.. harder."  
  
Luka gasped as Abby let out one last huge scream before she collapsed against the pillow, and the wails of a baby filled the room. Falling into the pillow, all of the pain was suddenly gone as she listened to the crying, and she looked down between her legs.  
  
"You have a daughter." Robyn announced, as Abby let out a choking sob, and the tears began to fall again.   
  
"You did it." Luka whispered, as he watched the doctor lift the baby onto Abby's chest, her legs kicking around as she cried. He felt his face grow warm as he watched, looking down at the baby. He could feel his body begin to tremble, and felt himself ready to cry. He swallowed hard and his smile grew so wide it hurt. "Oh Abby.." he whispered quietly, as every person and everything in the room vanished aside from Abby and the baby that lay, screaming on her chest.   
  
"Is she ok?" she asked quietly, as the nurses began wiping the baby off with towels, pulling on her legs as they wiped her clean.   
  
"She seems perfect." Dr. Lindmen replied, looking up to them. "She sure can cry."  
  
"Hi." Luka whispered as he rubbed one of the small hands between his thumb and middle finger, staring at the baby as she continued to cry, her mouth opening wide as she did.   
  
"I think dad can cut the cord." Robyn offered, handing Luka the scissors. He took them into his hands and snipped them around the cord, as he looked to Abby, whose pinkie was already wrapped in the crying girls small hand.  
  
"Luka.." Abby whispered, staring at the baby, kissing the top of her head as she squirmed around.   
  
"She's beautiful." He whispered, leaning in close, touching her bright pink skin, as her legs and arms wailed around, her sobs turning into small whimpers. "10 fingers and 10 toes….you did it Abby." He said, kissing her deeply, brushing the hair from her forehead.   
  
"She's ok?" she asked again, touching her feet so carefully, as if she were afraid she would shatter into millions of pieces.  
  
"Perfect." Luka whispered back.  
  
"Sorry you two, but I need to take her now." Robyn whispered, leaning over to take the baby. "But I promise as soon as we get you both cleaned up we'll bring her back."  
  
Abby nodded, wiping her face with her hand, as she kissed the baby again. "Luka, go with her." She said, taking a deep breath.   
  
"Are you sure?" he asked, watching as they carried the baby over to the waiting incubator, and wrapped her in a blanket, pulling a small hat over her head.  
  
She nodded, brushing the tears away again. "Go with her. I'll be ok."  
  
Luka smiled, leaning over to kiss her again. "I love you."  
  
Abby laughed softly, pushing her head into his shoulder. "I love you too."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Butterfly kisses, with her mama there sticking little flowers all up in her hair  
"Walk me down the aisle, daddy, it's just about time"  
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, daddy?" "Daddy, don't cry."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"6 pounds, 6 ounces." The nurse announced, as she lifted the crying baby into her arms and over to the incubator in the corner of the nursery. Placing her inside, she grabbed the tape measure from the nearby counter and held it out next to her, as Luka stood on the other side, stroking the baby's head with his thumb. "18 inches long."  
  
He nodded and grinned, as the baby let out a loud wail, and her legs scrunched up against her body as the nurse released them. "Shh.." he soothed her, continuing to stroke her head as the nurse wrapped her tightly up in a blanket, making sure it was secure around her. "May I hold her now?" he asked quietly, staring down at her as she continued to wail.  
  
The nurse smiled and nodded as she lifted her up and placed her carefully into Luka's outstretched arms. The weight of her instantly filled his arms, filling a void he felt had been empty for so long. He felt he were out of breath as he stared down at her, almost as if he had just run a marathon. He struggled to catch his breath as her left eye opened and she locked her gaze with his, her cries ceasing to low whimpers.  
  
"She was raped."  
  
"Do they know who did it?"  
  
"They're looking Luka. Go in and sit with her."  
  
"How bad is it?"  
  
"Just go sit with her, hold her hand. She'll know you're there."  
  
"Oh god." He whispered, rocking her back and forth in his arms, holding her as close as he could. He turned behind him and sat carefully in a rocking chair that sat nearby, pulling his head down, closer to her. She had quieted down and was dozing off, her eyes locked tightly shut. Leaning over, he kissed her small cheek, her skin so soft it seemed surreal. "My baby." He whispered, his eyes staring at her sleeping face, unable to move.   
  
"Your wife is in her room Dr. Kovac." A new nurse whispered, as she attached a small pink card to the bassinet that stood in front of his. He read it quickly, seeing it read Baby Girl Kovac, along with her weight, length, time she was born and the doctor who had delivered her.  
  
"Lets go see mommy." He whispered, slowly getting to his feet, his arms locked protectively around the small bundle in his arms. He placed the baby gently in the bassinet, and stepped back as the nurse began wheeling it from the nursery. He opened the door for her, allowing her through, and walked alongside her the whole way, never removing his gaze from the bassinet.  
  
"Abby?" he called quietly, as they pushed through the doorway. He looked to the bed, where Abby sat, propped up by many pillows, her hair damp and pushed behind her ears.   
  
Her face lit up as they entered the room, the nurse pushing the incubator right up alongside the bed. As Luka took his place next to Abby on the other side, the nurse lifted the baby and placed her into Abby's arms, moving the IV wires out of the way.   
  
"You can keep her as long as you want." She said with a smile, before leaving the room. "The post-partum nurse will be in soon to show you how to breastfeed."  
  
Abby nodded without a reply as the nurse left, leaving her alone with Luka and the baby. She stared down at the small bundle in her arms and smiled, as Luka leaned over and kissed her forehead, setting his body next to hers, on the end of the bed.  
  
"Is she ok?" Abby whispered quietly, adjusting the blanket around the baby, as one of her little hands escaped the confines of the cloth and poked out,.  
  
Luka nodded, adjusting his body as Abby dropped her head, allowing it to rest on his shoulder. "She is perfect." He replied, reaching over and taking the sleeping baby's hand into his own. "She has your eyes Abby." He whispered, rubbing her skin with his thumb.  
  
Abby laughed, looking down at her sleeping face. "Maybe."  
  
Luka smiled and moved closer to Abby. They both sat in silence for a minute, looking as the baby's mouth opened to yawn, and her eyes fluttered open slowly, and then closed again.   
  
"That's a good, strong heartbeat."  
  
"Does it look healthy?"  
  
"So far everything looks great. Steady heartbeat, good size. You're about fourteen weeks I'd estimate."  
  
"We need to name her." Luka said, as he turned his focus to Abby, the huge grin still spread across his face.   
  
Abby nodded silently as she continued to stare at the baby, and then turned to look at Luka. "Do you still want to use the name we talked about?" she asked, as Luka adjusted his grip on the baby's hand.   
  
"Do you?" he asked, sounding hopeful.  
  
"Yeah." She mumbled softly, playing gently with the baby's hat. "Luka, how could I have never wanted this?" she asked, looking from the baby in her arms to Luka who was grinning from ear to ear. "I never wanted a baby, and now I've only had her for less than an hour and I can't imagine not having or wanting her."  
  
He chuckled softly as he kissed her forehead again, looking back down to the baby. "I told you; you wouldn't be scared anymore." He replied. "She is ours to keep and you did everything perfectly." He continued as the baby slowly opened her eyes again, holding her focus above her. "So we are going to use the name?" he asked quietly, rubbing his thumb over the baby's hand again.  
  
Abby nodded and lifted her arm slightly, holding the baby closer to Luka. "Hi Karina." She whispered, listening to the familiar sound of the rain pattering down outside. Wrapping her arm tighter around her, she smiled slightly and swallowed. Staring down into her dark brown eyes, she watched as the baby held them open, looking back up to her, opening her mouth slightly and closing it repeatedly.  
  
"You look like your mom." He said, as he hovered over Abby, tickling her feet gently as the blanket loosened, and a flap fell over to the side. "Yeah, you have her eyes."  
  
"You're sure she's ok?" Abby asked again, afraid that she would receive a new answer of no each time she asked.   
  
"Abby, she is fine." He replied, assuring her once again. "Except that she is as bald as Dr. Romano is." He whispered with a small chuckle.  
  
Laughing as she looked up, she couldn't reply for a moment. "Oh don't say that." She replied lightly. "That's horrible." She finished with a smile.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right  
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses  
I couldn't ask God for more. Man, this is what love is.  
I know I've gotta let her go, but I'll always remember  
every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The minutes ticked slowly away, each second passing, feeling more like hours or days. Time had stopped, as had the world in his opinion. All of his cares and worries were no longer outside of the hospital room he sat in, where he sat next to the hospital bed in a rocking chair. Abby was fast asleep in the bed next to him, her face in a more calm and peaceful state than he had remembered seeing in months. The blanket was pulled high on her body, and her head supported by two thick pillows.   
  
"We would love it no matter what."  
  
"You wouldn't be responsible for making it sick."  
  
"Abby, it does not matter. We could have a baby."  
  
"No we can't."  
  
Luka held the baby in his arms, slowly rocking her back and forth as she too slept. The hospital blanket with County General embroidered in one small corner was wrapped tightly around her, and the soft pink hat sat on her head, keeping her warm. He listened carefully to each small breath she took, and each she exhaled, feeling as if he didn't they would no longer continue and something would happen. He never wanted to let go of her, holding her in his arms kept him complete. It had been less than twelve hours since she was born, and he loved her more than he felt possible already. He was in a complete state of euphoria, unaware of any of his surroundings or people near him.  
  
"Luka?" another familiar voice called in a loud whisper, poking their head through the heavy door.   
  
Turning his head, he found Maggie standing in the doorway with an armload of flowers and at least a dozen balloons in her hands. She stood still, unsure of if she was welcome to come in, or if it would be ok with him.   
  
Nodding at her, he watched as she moved through and allowed the door to shut behind her, dragging everything with her. Allowing the balloons to float to the ceiling and setting the flowers next to the other bouquets set around the bed area, she hurried over to Luka and peered down into his arms.  
  
"Look at her!" she cooed, looking down to the baby who was still fast asleep. "Oh, what's her name?" she asked excitedly, looking up to Abby whose face was facing them.   
  
"Karina." He replied, looking up to Maggie.  
  
"Does she have a middle name?" she asked. "Oh, Luka she's beautiful."  
  
"Theresa." He replied quietly. "How did you get here so quickly?"  
  
"I took the bus." She whispered, reaching out to touch the baby. "I love that name." She commented. "I left right after you called."  
  
Nodding without a reply, he cradled the baby closer to his body and looked back down to her. Swallowing loudly, he adjusted the blanket around her again, still amazed at what he was doing. Thoughts of Jasna and Marko filled his head, remembering how he had held them after they had been born, filled with sadness over missing their births but excitement at seeing them for the first time.   
  
"Can I hold her?" Maggie asked, looking hopefully to Luka who stared back and slowly managed to nod.   
  
Handing her the baby, he felt unable to let go. He hadn't wanted to, he wanted to sit and hold her, rock her while Abby slept. Holding her close to him in his own arms made him feel he could protect her, from whatever problems no matter how large or small.   
  
"Well look at you." Maggie whispered as she gathered the baby, blankets and all into her arms. "Aren't you pretty."  
  
Watching as Maggie took the baby into her arms, Luka's own heart seemed to grow larger in his chest, and his breath engulfed him. He couldn't come to terms that he was watching his daughter. That baby in Abby's mother's arms was his; he had helped to create her. It was hard to imagine he was watching Maggie holding her as well; she was nothing like the Maggie he had been introduced to that day back in November. The Maggie that stood in front of him was calm, caring, and mother like. She stood staring down at his daughter, whispering words to her, smiling down at her and touching her skin with her own fingers.  
  
"Luka?" another voice whispered sleepily, as he turned to see Abby staring over at him. "Where's the baby?" she asked quietly, as her eyes opened wider and she rubbed her eyes with her hands.   
  
"Oh Abby." Maggie called from across the room as she slowly walked over, carrying Karina with her. "She's beautiful."  
  
"Mom." Abby sighed, looking up to her as she stood alongside the bed next to Luka. Extending her arms, she carefully took the baby from Maggie into her own arms and leaned back as she began fussing. "Shh.. Karina.' She whispered.  
  
"Hi Abby." She greeted her, moving closer. "She got your eyes."  
  
Smiling at Abby amused, Luka whispered a low I told you so as the cries grew louder and she rocked the baby. With Maggie looking on, as Luka climbed onto the bed, sitting next to her she took a seat in the chair next to them. Slowly the baby's face grew red and her mouth opened wide as her cries escaped, growing more and more high pitched as they continued.  
  
"Maybe she's hungry?" Maggie suggested, peering over the bed where Luka eyed Abby.   
  
"Do you want to feed her?" Luka asked, picking the baby hat from where it had just dropped onto Abby's lap.   
  
"No, I can't." she protested quietly.   
  
"Yes you can." he assured her. "The nurse showed you how before. Besides, you have shown hundreds of women how."  
  
"No, I can't do it myself." She again replied.   
  
"You can try." He suggested as Maggie nodded in agreement. "If you really can't, I will go get the nurse."  
  
"Luka.." she whispered, as the baby continued fussing.   
  
"Just hold her." He replied. "Like that, just do what the nurse said and you know." He continued.  
  
Helping her pull the gown down, he sat watching as she attempting to nurse the baby. Maggie sat nearby, saying nothing, unsure if Abby wanted her to stay or if she should wait outside, or somehow try to help. She turned to the sea of flowers that surrounded the bed, carefully picking at tags to read whom they were from. She realized a few names from her times in Chicago; times she knew Abby wanted to forget all together. Carter, Jing-Mei, Lydia and Haleh.  
  
"No, I can't do it." Abby repeated again.   
  
"Keep going, you are doing it." He encouraged her. "There, like that." He whispered. "See, you know how."  
  
Leaning in to kiss her forehead, he kept his head close to hers as he watched, as listened like he had been since he first held her in his arms. Staring at Abby, and Karina, he suddenly felt whole again. His whole family, everything he felt he would ever need was within an arms length, all-sitting right in front of him.  
  
Sitting in the bed, Abby swallowed as she watched Karina nurse, and looked up to Luka who was staring down at them. Then she turned to Maggie who was watching them all and who flashed Abby a smile and mouthed the words I love you. Three words that had never meant anything from her in so many years, but now meant something to Abby.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer.  
Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.  
"Walk beside the pony, daddy, it's my first ride."  
"I know the cake looks funny, daddy, but I sure tried."  
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right  
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
08/30/01  



	15. Bonheur Trompé- Part 15: Epilogue

*Bonheur Trompé- Part 15*  
by Kelly   
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this story are the property of NBC, Warner Brothers, John Wells, and whoever else. I just borrow them and promise to return them. Don't worry, I won't hurt them. I make no money off these fics, I write them for fun.   
  
Feedback, as always, is greatly appreciated. Just send it here - DougandCarol@hotmail.com  
  
The lyrics in the story are "Amen" by Jewel  
  
Author Notes: This is it; I've reached the end. *Wipes a tear away* J/K.. I hope that you all enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. But fear not my loyal fans, for I have many more fanfictions in the works! And yes, unless they are cast humor, every fic will be Luka and Abby. And who knows? Maybe one day in the future, I'll be inspired to write a follow-up series to Bonheur Trompé, though right now don't count on it.  
  
Story info: Part 15, it's the epilogue and I've set it at all different times. As you'll notice, it begins only a few days after Part 14 left off. But, it ends three years in the future, so try not to get lost. Comprende?   
  
Thank you's: There are a lot since this is the finale. So if you're interested keep reading, if not skip ahead to the actual story.  
  
Shannon: You kicked my ass into gear girl! Of course, the ass kicking's took since March to actually work and get me to finish this series, but I got tired of being black and blue. ;) Thank you for always reading my drafts, and giving me new idea's to work with. BTW, Woman says Hi!  
  
Carolina: The Queen of the Lubies, and the biggest BITCH I know. Thank you for smacking me around when I needed it, and of course smacking you around helped me deal with it ;) Remember when I told you forever ago "I think I'll write a Luka and Abby story?" I NEVER thought it would turn into a 15 piece series, and I also never thought I'd start however many other series I have going along with stand alones. But we all know you rock, especially all of us that went to NYC and listened to you praise the fact that you "Had Luka on your boob". Thanks girl!  
  
Raquel: Thank you for sitting online endlessly listening to me bitch and whine about this series and all the problems that came along with it. Also, thank you for countless idea's, especially the whole idea for the final scene in this part that ends the story. :)   
  
Samantha: I know you're not a Luby, but god knows I tried to make you one! Thank you though for your feedback on this series, and all of my fics. All of the time we've spent talking over who knows how long now has really helped me in so many ways. You were one of my first online friends, and who can forget all of our countless 3 am chats talking about EVERYTHING under the sun. LOL. Thanks!  
  
Everyone Else: I know I left a ton of you out, but if I had given everyone their own separate thank you's, these notes would be three pages long. But thank you to Julia, Bitty, Rags, Jodie, Rosie, Lisa, Abilene and everyone else on the Luby list I've left out! There are too many of you to name and thank! Thanks guys, I couldn't have done it without your constant support! :)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
You're mothers' child  
But night lays you down  
Hair aflame, wild look in your eyes  
Naked belly to the ground  
A forest fire  
Nibbles at your veins  
Crawls up your arm  
runs away with your mind  
And burns dry thoughts like leaves  
Amen  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
Abby paced back and forth over the thick carpet in the living room. Her feet left the fabric crushed and worn, pressed firmly against the tile floor that sat directly beneath it. Her feet were cold and sore, but she kept moving, nearing the window to the front yard. Holding the bundle that lay, crying in her arms, she pressed her fingers up against the glass and looked out into the dark Chicago night. The fog was thick and misty, wrapping itself around the trees and cars. She could barely see the large oak tree that was only feet away from the window, and let out a small sigh as the baby continued to scream.  
  
The loud wails rang throughout her head, causing the pounding against her temples to grow increasingly worse. She felt as if she had become a robot over the two weeks since she had left the hospital, and slowly as each minute passed, all of her screws were coming loose. Each scream, each cry, the sleepless nights and endless hours of trying to get Karina to sleep were taking their toll on her. She barely had the energy to open her own eyes anymore.  
  
Luka did everything he could and more. Every moment he was home he was with her, allowing Abby time to rest. He would change diapers, rock her when she cried; make faces as he talked to her. He cooked dinner, helped with the laundry, cleaned the endless messes. Between the two of them, it all got done, but once it had, they would both be exhausted. Plus Luka had to work. His week of vacation had ended the Thursday before, leaving Abby alone with the baby whenever he had to leave.   
  
"Shhh, I know." Abby whispered as she again turned and walked to the other side of the room. Holding the baby close to her body, locked tight in her arms, she closed her eyes for a mere second and stopped in her path, then looking to the clock on the wall. There was no way it could only be a little after midnight, it had to be later. She'd been crying since ten and hadn't stopped. Luka wasn't due home until after three, meaning she was alone for the next three hours. "Baby, try to go to sleep." She sighed, holding her out in front of her, and pressing her to her left side, resting her small head against her shoulder.   
  
Adjusting the burping cloth on her shoulder, Abby carefully fell back into the couch and pulled the receiving blanket from around the baby. "Ok, I know." She whispered, pulling the top buttons through the holes of her pajama top, attempting to open it. "Are you hungry?" she sighed tiredly, moving the baby into her right arm, holding her close to her body.   
  
Pulling her shirt open, she moved the baby close to her breast and settled deeper into the feather pillow. Waiting as she latched on, she sat watching, running her pinkie finger over Karina's head slowly, rubbing it over her skin, she watched her jaw move as she began to quiet down for a few moments, her small brown eyes closing as she ate.   
  
The fabric of the light pink sleeper Karina wore felt soft against Abby's skin, rubbing up against her chest as she nursed. Holding her fingers against the baby's small legs, she held her closer, adjusting her arm and its placement, trying to keep herself from getting a cramp or muscle ache.   
  
"No, just a little more." She whispered, pleading to the baby who again began to cry, unlatching her mouth from Abby. "Karina, please." She pleaded, as the baby's face again grew red and her wails grew louder. Raising her short chubby arms into the air, she waved her tiny hands around, stretching them out and then pulling them closer to her body, crying a high pitched wail.  
  
She couldn't take it anymore, the room was spinning and she was falling deeper and deeper into a black hole. She needed sleep, she needed to sit, she needed help, she needed Luka. Her body was giving out, she was giving up. The connection from her brain to the rest of her body had been cut somewhere along the line, she felt she were failing already.   
  
She contemplated calling Luka; the number for the hospital ran through her head, screaming for her to dial it. Then she thought of calling Elizabeth, remembering her offer if she ever needed help or someone to talk to. But it was well after midnight now, she wasn't even sure Elizabeth would be home. And if she was, she'd probably been on all day and tired enough herself. Abby felt helpless, she had nowhere to turn, she was losing her mind.  
  
"Karina." She whispered again, rocking the baby in her arms. She was dying, her body slowly crumbling to pieces as she continued to cry. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she reached for the phone and began pressing in numbers, not even registering who she was in fact calling.  
  
"Hello?" a groggy voice answered on the other end.   
  
That was who she called, she knew that voice anywhere. The voice felt more comforting at the moment than it had ever in her entire life. She remembered it screaming, the way it cried, it sang, and it whispered. The way it tore her apart when she was a child, and slowly ripped more of her into tiny shreds as the years passed. But now the way it was slowly healing, the torn shreds carefully but surely being stitched back together again.   
  
"Maggie.." she pleaded into the phone, holding it under her head as she got back to her feet, again pacing the room. Back and forth, back and forth, there were going to be holes worn into the rug soon. She could feel the fabric crushing beneath her, but instead of it being soft and warm it felt as if it were cutting into her feet. It was almost like glass, slicing her open from heel to toe.   
  
"Abby?" Maggie replied, opening her eyes and turning to the alarm clock that sat on the nearby table. Pushing her hair from her face and lifting her head from the pillow, she sat up in the bed and ran her hand over her face, attempting to wake up. "Abby what's the matter?"  
  
"She won't stop crying." She replied, stopping in her tracks as she pulled the baby again to her shoulder, rubbing her back gently. Pressing her fingers in soft, slow circles, she rocked back and forth on her feet. "I tried feeding her and rocking her. I burped her and changed her and I sang to her and she won't stop." She cried, reaching the point of wanting to cry. "I don't know what to do for her, she won't stop." She continued, spitting the words out now as if she were cursing and going to get a spanking. "I can't do it!"  
  
"Abby, calm down." Maggie replied forcefully into the telephone. Her words were strong and meaningful as they came, flowing into the phone and Abby's ears easier and more taken than ever before in her life. "I mean it, if you calm down you'll be able to think clearer."  
  
She could hear the loud wails as they cried on the other end of the phone, her little lungs belting out cries that seemed far too loud and strong for her little body. The crackle in the cries was enough to bring anyone who heard them to tears, or drive them up a wall. She could hear Abby's constant "shh's" and "It's ok's" as she whispered them to the baby she knew was in her arms, far too away for her to hold and try to calm.   
  
"Do you have one of those bathtubs?" she asked, pulling the comforter off of her body as she climbed from the bed and into the dimly lit hallway of her own apartment. Fumbling with the light switch, she pressed it up; She immediately shut her eyes again in response to the bright light, turning her head for a second. "Abby?"  
  
"What bathtub?" she asked, her voice rushed and strained.   
  
"One of those infant bathtubs. Abby, put her in that with some warm water, see if it helps." She replied.   
  
"Mom." She whined tiredly, as if she had given up. "She won't stop." She whispered, her lip quivering as she watched her daughter continue to scream louder and louder.  
  
"Abby." She replied firmly. "Put her in the tub and let the water calm her down. Listen to me and do it."  
  
Only a few more words were spoken before both women hung up on their ends and set the phones down. Carrying Karina into the kitchen, Abby set her down in the infant seat that sat on the counter and strapped her in as she continued crying. Taking the infant bathtub from its place in a closet, she placed it on the counter and filled it with lukewarm water, grabbing a towel from a pile that sat nearby.   
  
"Please sweetie." She begged, as she unbuttoned the back on Karina's sleeper and pulled it from her small body. Dropping it to the side, she held the baby against her chest, allowing her fingers to rub against her soft skin. Testing the water with her fingers, she removed the plastic diaper and dumped it in the trashcan. Carefully supporting the crying baby's head, she laid her gently in the small bathtub, allowing the warm water to cover her body, holding her head in her left hand.   
  
Placing her free right hand in the water, she gently scooped small amounts into her palms and dumped them on her belly, running her palm over it each and every time. As she did, she hummed softly, yawning tiredly as the baby continued crying, but her sobs became softer and less frequent. Abby's own eyes were becoming heavier and heavier as the minutes passed, her lids feeling as though they weighed more than her whole body.   
  
"Yeah." She whispered tiredly as the baby slowly quieted down, her face returning to its normal shade. Running her hands through the water, she allowed her fingers to gently tickle the small baby's body as she calmed, her cries ceasing to low whimpers. Soon the whimpers were far and in between until there was nothing, and her eyes began to close.   
  
Outside a light rain had begun to fall from the skies, the clouds opening wide and crying their tears to the earth. The small droplets fell onto the tree leaves, spreading wide and dripping farther, down to the ground as they saturated the grass, sidewalks and dirt. The dew and fog was growing thicker as it soaked the air and clung to all around it, blocking the view from the windows and doors. Everything was cranky that night, babies and all.   
  
Waiting another few minutes, Abby stood holding the now sleeping baby in the tub. Once she was sure Karina was sleeping, she lifted her into her arms and reached for the towel she'd grabbed earlier. Wrapping the dark blue cloth around her, she held her snuggly in her arms and carried her upstairs, leaving the small tub of water on the counter, too tired to care if it fell over or not.  
  
Slouching tiredly into the nursery, she reached in one of the drawers and pulled out a new sleeper, and dumped it on the changing table. Laying the baby gently in it, she pulled a diaper from a below shelf and quickly dressed her, praying to god she wouldn't wake up.   
  
The air inside was growing chilly and as she shivered quickly, she again wrapped the baby in her arms and walked into the bedroom. Sitting on the bed, she set Karina next to her and pulled Luka's pillow next to her, preventing her from rolling from the bed and to the floor. Then Abby collapsed. Pulling the thick blankets over her body, she allowed her head to fall into the pillows, cradling her head softly. Turning to her side, she watched for a moment the image of the sleeping baby before her eyes, gently touching her small feet with her finger. It lasted only a few minutes before she too fell asleep, finally allowing her own body some rest.  
  
Only hours later, Luka pressed his way through the front door and shut it behind him, dropping his bag to the floor of the hallway and walking toward the kitchen where the lights were still on. His feet hit against the hard wood floors with a slight tapping as he walked through the hallway, passing a hall table cluttered with baby clothes and bottles and other odds and ends that never found their proper places. Inside he found the baby bathtub, still full of water, and the discarded baby sleeper that sat next to it on the counter. Rubbing his face with his hands as his own eyes grew heavy and his body weary from his seemingly endless work schedule, he dumped the water down the kitchen sink drain and placed the tub back in the closet.   
  
Upstairs he entered the bedroom quietly and found Abby fast asleep in the bed, holding Karina close to her. The baby though, was wide-awake, staring quietly at whatever was above her. As he moved closer, he could see her small mouth open wide as she yawned, and rocked her head back and forth with the motion. Looking to Abby, her eyes were locked tightly shut; he moved closer and could almost feel her exhaustion in the air. It seemed to permeate through everything, as if it were held in the actual air itself.   
  
"Hey." He whispered almost inaudibly as he took the baby into his arms and carried her across the room toward the window. "Did you let mommy sleep?" he whispered, kissing her forehead. She let out a small hiccup as her hand shot out, moving wildly about in front of her. "No? I didn't think so."  
  
He stood with her for a few minutes, rocking her back and forth as his body swayed from side to side. His finger became entangled in the blanket he held around her, one end swinging freely as it hung loose over his arms. The weight of Karina felt like nothing to him as he held her, her small body curled up securely and protected by him.   
  
His attention then turned to Abby whose eyes were open and watching him as she held onto her pillow behind her head. Smiling at her through the darkness, he kissed Karina's head again before setting her down in the bassinet that sat next to the bed, and sat on the bed next to Abby.  
  
"Go back to sleep." He ordered, kissing her as he pulled the comforter up around her.   
  
"Is she still sleeping?" Abby replied tiredly, as he pulled his tie and shirt off, tossing an old t-shirt on over his head.   
  
Shaking his head, he quickly climbed into the bed next to her and gathered her into his arms, allowing his head to fall into the pillows. "Almost, she will be in a minute or two."  
  
"She wouldn't stop crying." He heard Abby mumble as she yawned and he watched her eyes again close. "It took me forever."  
  
"I will get her if she wakes up." He replied, realizing she was already fast asleep.   
  
Holding her head close to his chest, he ran his fingers gently up and down her arm, tracing the outline of every curve he could find. Her skin was so soft; it felt like heaven to him to be allowed to touch her again. His life was falling back into place; the pieces that had crumbled again so many months ago were slowly piecing themselves back together. He had a wife, and a new daughter.  
  
He knew she was still scared, he knew she'd always be scared. That night as he lay in bed next to her, he could remember and hear the countless conversations they'd had over the years about children, and depression, and motherhood. It was as if someone were there, whispering the old discussion into his ear. But he'd convinced her, they had a baby, together.   
  
Abby the mother. He never thought he would hear those words used together. But she was a mother now, and he'd watched her over the two short weeks she'd been one. Danijela had been the mother to his first children and she'd done the job as perfectly as he could imagine. He never imagined if anyone would be capable of filling that role the way she had. But after watching, Abby had filled the role. He knew she was scared, and horribly unsure of herself. But she loved that baby more than life itself. The way she rocked her, and the look she got each time she nursed her. Everything she did was perfect to him.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Eyes stare up  
But something's in the way  
In the Bible only angels have wings  
And the rest must wait to be saved  
A dry tongue  
Screams at the sky  
But the wind just breathes words in  
As a strange bird tries to fly  
Amen  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The days passed faster than they could imagine, and before long the days turned into weeks, and the weeks became months. Each time they turned around, the pages of the calendar were turning and with the page changes came season changes. Soon it was summer again and the heat was enough to cause anyone to want to crawl into a refrigerator. Then the leaves began changing and the trees were bare. Children were running through the streets yelling "trick or treat" dressed in costumes as their parents trailed behind, yelling at them not to eat their candy before they'd checked it. Then they were watching the Thanksgiving Parade and cooking Turkey, having Maggie over for dinner. Christmas trees and lights came next, and piles of gifts in which Karina had no interest in, but chewing on and spitting all over the wrapping paper. Snow piled up and ice froze all over the ground surfaces, and the air became frigidly cold, fascinating the baby as she rode along in the car, looking out the window happily from her car seat.  
  
But then came her first birthday, and with it her first word only days after. They'd been in her nursery, dressing her for bed. Luka had her in his arms, bouncing her around happily as he sang to her, Abby standing near the crib, folding a blanket in her arms. She stood watching as he sang happily to her, a song they'd all heard one too many times over the past weeks when Karina had discovered every parents nightmare- Barney.  
  
"I love you, you love me." He sang as he blew gently on her naked belly, causing her to fall into a fit of hysterical giggles as her legs kicked wildly about in his arms.   
  
Folding her arms around her chest, Abby began to laugh as she took hold of the dirty overalls Karina had worn that day, and she tossed them into the small hamper that sat nearby. She watched as Karina's arms flew up high as Luka blew on her stomach again, and allowed another laugh to escape her body, shaking wildly as she did.   
  
"Who's giving her the bath?" Abby asked, taking the girl into her own arms now as Luka yanked a clean diaper and pajamas from the nearby stand.   
  
"You can." Luka replied. "I need to catch up on some back charts."  
  
Kissing her quickly as he went to leave, Abby laughed as Karina stretched her arms out to him, laughing as he waved to her and pulled the door open.  
  
"Dada."  
  
One word stopped both Luka and Abby in their tracks and caused them both to go silent. Turning back, Luka's eyes grew wide as a smile spread wide across his face, and Abby's face began to glow as Karina clapped happily, as if knowing she herself had just accomplished something.   
  
"Karina!" Abby exclaimed, leaning in and kissing the girl's cheek as she bounced her up and down. From then on she didn't know what else to say. All she knew that she hadn't been as excited as she was at that moment for a while, and the feeling left her speechless.   
  
As she began smothering the girl in kisses and praise, Luka walked back toward them, his grin spread wide across his face as Karina continued to laugh. Her two teeth that weren't full grow yet shown visibly as her mouth opened with each breath and she again gurgled the one word she now knew how to say.   
  
"Dada!"  
  
As she said it again, her head turned quickly to Luka who was now standing right next to both her and Abby, with his hands held out to her as he rubbed the top of her head gently, leaning in to kiss her cheek.   
  
"You are such a good girl!" he praised her, forgetting all about the charts he needed to work on. "Can you say mama too?" he asked, his voice growing more playful as Abby sat in the rocking chair, and placed the baby in her lap, allowing her short legs to swing just off of her own knees. "No, not yet?" he suggested, squatting in front of them. "Ok, we will keep trying.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"One more?" the brown haired girl asked as she held her stuffed monkey tightly in her arms. "Mommy?"  
  
Looking down Karina, who sat snuggly in her lap, Abby shook her head softly. Rocking back and forth continually in the rocking chair that still sat near the large window, she ran her left hand over the girl's hair, and planted a kiss atop her head. Closing the picture book that sat in her lap, she reached over and placed it on the small table that sat within an arms length, covered with crayons and coloring books.   
  
"Tomorrow." She whispered through the dim light. "But me and Daddy, we need to tell you something important" Abby continued, as Karina hugged the stuffed monkey tighter in her small arms, and kicked her feet gently.   
  
"Mommy, read the kitty book again." She whined as Abby lifted her into her arms as she got to her own feet. "Please?"   
  
"Tomorrow." She said again, carrying Karina over to her small bed where she set her down on her feet as she tugged the sheet and comforter back. "We can read the kitty book two times tomorrow ok?" she continued, lifting her back into her arms and setting her on the bed, turning the nearby lamp on.   
  
Sitting next to the child on the bed, Abby watched as she stuck her pointer finger into her mouth and held tightly to the stuffed animal in her other hand. She could hear the sounds of the outside through the walls of the house. Down in the streets there was music playing loudly, thumping from a car radio. A police siren blared as the car tore down the street, and the lights twirled brightly, filling the child's bedroom with a bright red and blue light for only a short second.   
  
Luka entered only a moment or so later, dressed in his usual slacks and tie from work. He wore a smile on his face, and carried with him his wallet, wrapped firmly in his left hand. The dark bound leather could be seen visibly through the spaces between his fingers. As he neared the bed, he stooped in his tracks and leaned down, kissing Abby as he brushed the hair from her face. Lifting a baby doll from the bed, he placed it on the same table with the coloring books and sat next to Abby on the bed, setting the wallet in his lap.  
  
"Daddy!" Karina said brightly, crawling from under the blankets she'd just been placed under and into Luka's lap, wrapping her small arms around his neck. Her short brown hair blew onto his face as she dropped herself happily into his arms.   
  
"Where's my princess?" he asked playfully, taking the small girl into his arms as she arranged herself in his lap.   
  
"I'm here daddy." She replied happily, lifting her arms up. "Look!" she called, pointing to the feet of her purple pajamas. Lifting one of her feet for him to see, Abby laughed as she tugged at the bottom of the foot, picking at a piece of the fabric. "Mommy bought me dem." She explained, wiping her eyes tiredly.  
  
"Oh yeah?" he asked, smiling at Abby who had moved herself closer to the two on the bed. "Those are very pretty." He said, as Karina again popped her finger in her mouth.   
  
"Karina?" Abby started as Luka eyed her, and placed his own hand on her leg. "Baby, daddy and I want to talk to you." She continued as Luka rocked her in his arms.   
  
"Did I be bad?" she asked, as her face fell and her brown eyes grew wide. Looking up to Luka and then to Abby, both shook their heads as Luka reached for the wallet and opened it.   
  
"No, you weren't bad." He assured her, as he pulled a small photo from the brown leather. "You know that me and mommy love you very much don't you?" he began, as the girl nodded under him, wiping her face again with her hand. "Good." He whispered.  
  
Running her hands nervously along the lining of her own pajama pants, Abby swallowed and smiled again at Luka who looked over to her with a quick glance. Karina was now staring at both of them, sucking on her finger with a greater intensity, as her eyes seemed to grow heavier.   
  
"See the little girl in this picture?" he continued, pointing out the dark haired girl in the old, worn photo he held in his hand. "That's your sister." He said, looking down at Karina who pointed at the picture with the same finger that had been in her mouth.   
  
"Can she play with me?" she asked, looking up to Abby who slowly shook her head, rubbing her hand up and down Karina's leg. Luka too was shaking his head gently, as he continued holding the photo out.   
  
"No sweetie, she can't." Abby said, smiling slightly at her.   
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because she lives in heaven now." Luka replied, kissing the top of Karina's head. "Her name is Jasna, and she lives in heaven with a boy named Marko. He is your brother," He continued, as Abby moved in closer. Brushing Karina's hair with her hand, Abby herself leaned into Luka and allowed her head to rest up against his shoulder.   
  
"Do they live with Ella's daddy?" Karina asked curiously, looking up at Luka who nodded with a smile as he tucked the photo back into his wallet. "He went to heaven." She continued as she yawned tiredly.  
  
"They live with Ella's daddy." Abby replied, as Luka's free hand reached her lap and reached for her free hand. "And with a very pretty lady named Danijela." She continued as the streetlight outside the house went off and the room grew a few shades darker.   
  
"I want to see them." She whispered, as her voice grew lower and it became clear how tired the small girl was.   
  
Taking the stuffed monkey from her arms, Luka nodded silently and picked Karina up, laying her flat on the bed. Pulling the blankets again over her body, he tucked the stuffed animal in next to her and kneeled next to the bed. Abby in turn sat on the edge of the bed, holding Luka's hand in her lap. Staring at the small girl in the bed, she swallowed once more before continuing, wondering if Karina actually understood what she was being told.   
  
"You can't see them sweetie." She replied, tucking the blankets around her. "But we have to tell you something else ok?"  
  
They both sat watching as she nodded her head gently, turning to her side as she continued to grip to the monkey. Blinking quickly, she yawned again and moved her small feet back and forth under the blankets.   
  
Turning to Luka, Abby nodded slightly at him as he smiled back at her. Sitting silently for a moment as Karina watched, they listened to the music that continued to play loudly in the streets, creating a beat that ran throughout their heads.   
  
"You ready?" Luka asked playfully, as Karina nodded eagerly in the bed, tugging on the blankets.   
  
"Yes!" she giggled as he tickled her gently up her arm, causing her to squirm, kicking Abby's leg gently.   
  
"Ok." He replied, looking to Abby one last time. "Mommy is going to have a baby." He told her, staring down at Karina. "You get to be a big sister." He told her leaning in closer.   
  
"A baby?" Karina questioned, yawning again.   
  
Abby laughed as she pulled herself up next to Karina and patted her arm gently. As Luka watched, she leaned over and kissed her forehead and pushed the hair out of her eyes, wrapping her own arm around her.   
  
"You get to have a little brother or sister." She said, as Karina looked curiously to her and Luka, dropping the monkey off the side of the bed and to the floor.  
  
"Like my dolly?" she asked, sitting up quickly, rumpling the blankets into a large ball.   
  
Luka laughed and shrugged his shoulders, as Abby nodded slowly. "Sort of like your doll." Abby continued. "But real like you."  
  
"Where's the baby?" she asked curiously, pulling her hands up to her shoulders and releasing them, sending them flopping down to her knees.   
  
"The baby is in mommy's tummy." Luka replied, placing his own hand on Abby's stomach.   
  
"No." she replied, shaking her head.   
  
"Yes." He replied, taking her hand into his and holding it up against Abby's stomach. "In there."  
  
Waiting as Karina looked up to Abby for approval, he held her small hand against Abby and watched as she nodded and kissed her cheek. "The baby's in there." Abby repeated softly as Karina crawled onto her knees and moved closer. "You were in there before you were born too."  
  
Karina looked up for a moment before crawling onto Abby's legs and patting her hands against her stomach. "Hi baby." She called, holding her head inches from her stomach. "Baby." She repeated happily, bouncing up and down. "Can I see the baby?" she asked, looking up to Abby as she bounced happily in her lap.  
  
Shaking her head as Luka played with Karina's short brown hair, she ran her own hand over her back. "Not yet." She replied. "You can see the baby in June."  
  
"When's June?"  
  
"When it gets hot out." Luka replied, as he pulled the blankets back for what seemed the hundredth time that night. "The baby has to grow first." He said, kissing her head.   
  
"Come on, now it's really time for bed." Abby said as Karina lay down, and again took the monkey into her arms. "Good night ladybug." She whispered, as Karina planted a quick kiss on her lips.   
  
"Mommy!" she giggled, as Luka got to his feet.   
  
"What?" Abby laughed, as she stood up, reaching for the lamp.   
  
"I'm not a ladybug!"  
  
"Then what are you miss smarty pants?"  
  
"I'm Karina!" she cried, causing Luka's face to crack a smile as he wrapped his arm around Abby.   
  
"Ok." She whispered, kissing her one last time. "Go to sleep."  
  
"Night daddy." She called as Luka leaned in to kiss her.   
  
"Night baby." He replied, as Abby went to turn the switch off. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too Daddy. I love you Mommy."  
  
"I love you too Karina." She called.   
  
Closing the door behind them, Abby allowed her body to flop against the wall as Luka stood watching. They stood listening for a minute, ready for the daily routine of Karina getting out of her bed, and finding some excuse to leave her room. Almost on schedule, they heard her small feet as they tip toed across the carpet in her room, and they waited as the bedroom door swung open.  
  
"I hads a bad dream." She whispered, her big brown eyes pleading with them.   
  
"You haven't even been in there for two minutes and you had a bad dream?" Abby asked, squatting down to eye level.   
  
Without a response, her small head nodded as she wrapped her arms around Abby's neck. Gripping to her tightly, she could feel Abby sigh as she shook her own head, and lifted her into her arms.   
  
"Can you read the kitty book?" she pleaded again. "Mommy?"  
  
Looking up to Luka who only nodded quickly, they both went back into the bedroom and Luka grabbed the book from its place on the table. Placing her again under the blankets of her bed, they sat next to her and opened the picture book, making sure she was settled in the bed.  
  
The book wasn't long; it was full of huge pictures and drawings and had at most seven words to a page. Looking through it, Abby read it quietly and Luka sat in the nearby rocking chair, watching the two of them on the bed. The words she spoke filtered through the room and rang throughout his ears, registering in his brain. He watched as Karina's eyes slowly closed, her body falling to sleep as Abby continued to read, brushing the thin brown hair from her face as she did. Abby's voice was soft and quiet as she finished the last of the pages, being careful not to reawaken her, knowing if she did they would be stuck reading another book. As he listened, he realized his favorite part was coming up, the part that gave him hope each time he read or heard it.   
  
"And they all lived happily ever after".  
  
  
~ La Fin ~  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
That from God we fell,  
Where are my angels?  
Where's my golden one?  
Where's my hope  
  
Amen  
Hallelujah  
Hallelujah  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
10/04/01  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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